The Spoonbill Generator

Theory of Everything on Tap

Lucinda' big sister chowed down on plutonium [Lloyd]

petit fours -- snacks for Newtonian Tea [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

She shot me a look of pure acrimonium [VM]

More radioactive than Madame Curie [Edgar]

Lucinda, meanwhile, danced with a motion Brownian [Larry Brennan]

As charming and strange as a quark floating free [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

But slipped on a lepton while acting the clownian [Kansas Sam]

And down on her bottom quickly fell she [Lenore Mandrake]

Schrodinger arrived, bringing felis domesticus [Edgar]

He quite willingly helped Lucinda up [Heather Wane]

The cat, though, suspicious of feminis guesticus [Kansas Sam]

Upon her new petticoat promptly threw up [Anon.]

Feynman played drums, and then Bohr got to boogeying [Ruth]

While Verner Von Braun poured a new cup [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Heisenberg asked, "Who's doing the noogeying?" [Edgar]

"Shrodinger's cat!" screamed Lucinda, fed up. [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

That started a chain of reactive hyperbole [Kansas Sam]

"I can never be certain," said Heisenberg when [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Bohr yelled, "You're made indecisive by 'herbal' tea" [Kansas Sam]

And Newtonian nonsense exploded again. [Laura S.]

L's sis shimmied off, arm-in-arm with Copernicus [Ruth]

"He's so heliocentric" the other girls sniffed [Edgar]

He whirled her around, then a flip, topsy-turvius [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Caused a laminar flow, and Lucinda did lift [VM]

her green-glowing arms to the red-glowing clouds [K.B. Benedict]

None could explain the grave hush that ensued [Kansas Sam]

Or what, for that matter, was with all those weird shrouds [Edgar]

Or why Men of Science had stopped being rude [Kansas Sam]

So they hopped on a train that was bound for Los Alamos [Edgar]

Slacking on Amtrak - sub-relative speed [Larry Brennan]

When Curie got ill, Dr. Bohr gave the gal a dose [Kansas Sam]

Of pitchblend, precisely the thing she would need [Kevin.A.Murphy@sff.net]

The meds did not work and her have soon red-shifted [Anon.]

her slurred of speech and easily mifted [sharon ]

L's sister exclaimed "My, look how she's glowing!" [mcb]

"And the clocks on the wall - they are suddenly slowing!" [Larry Brennan]

Then Bohr got more boring, and Shrodinger's cat [Kansas Sam]

Put himself in a box, and injested a hat [mcb]

The Hat in the Cat wanted fun that is funny [Kansas Sam]

Yet a box with a pussy's just obscenely punny [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

In the box the cat pondered "Am I dead, or alive?" [mcb]

"If not dead--tell me, why must I live in this dive?" [Kansas Sam]

"And all of these scientists give me the shits" [mcb]

I shouldn't have eaten the nuclear bits [Grayman]

So Feynman, Lucinda, and Big Al the Mop [Ruth]

Disposed of the cat with a watery--plop! [Kansas Sam]

Into the great tank at Los Alamos labs [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Where little Ed Teller was flexing his abs [hagglefish]

Teller, in 'roid rage, and high on deuterium, [Kansas Sam]

Was avoided by all (Said old Oppy, "YOU query him!"), [hagglefish]

They got on the horn, and called Bonferroni [Elusis]

a crudely approximate case of baloney. [Anon.]


Contributors: Lloyd, Kevin Andrew Murphy, VM, Edgar, Larry Brennan, Kansas Sam, Lenore Mandrake, Heather Wane, Anon., Ruth, Laura S., K.B. Benedict, Kevin.A.Murphy@sff.net, sharon, mcb, Grayman, hagglefish, Elusis
Poem finished: 21st June 2003