The Spoonbill Generator

Dignity for Sixty Six Possible Consonants

'Twas on the 8th of August that the taxman came to call [TG]

But Algernon was ready with his pick [Roland]

He'd also scattered forty-seven landmines in the hall [TG]

And wakened his Rottweiler with a kick [Roland]

Young Algy hadn't paid his tax for more than twenty years [TG]

The bills went back before his date of birth [Roland]

And though he had a feeling that it all might end in tears [TG]

He knew that it could scarcely end in mirth [Roland]

The Customs Men attacked at dusk, with tear gas and a horn [TG]

And dog-repellent squirting from a hose [Roland]

They swore they'd make our Algy rue the day that he was born [TG]

And feed his minced-up thorax to the crows [Roland]

But Algy had a plan to lead them on a paper path [TG]

An everlasting bonfire at its end [Roland]

And though he realised this was no time to take a bath [TG]

A flaming loofah proved his foremost friend [Roland]

The Revenooers saw too late they'd walked into a trap [TG]

A shower-curtain swung before their eyes [Roland]

They little knew that Algy was an enterprising chap [TG]

Who looked like Alfred Hitchcock in disguise [Roland]

Their time spent scrutinising forms availed them little now [TG]

In triplicate our Algy's traps were sprung [Roland]

With poisoned spikes, a yawning pit, a phosphorescent cow [P]

A flaming loofah daubed with dingoes' dung [Roland]

The moral of our little tale is plain for all to see [TG]

And 'Be Prepared' is still a worthy motto [Roland]

If you don't care a jot for income tax or VAT [TG]

Preferring to remain a trifle blotto [Roland]

Returning fire is better far than filing a return [TG]

Discretion's not the better part of valour [Roland]

And those who try to grab an undue slice of what you earn [TG]

Shall lose the fight, but not their deathly pallor [Roland]


Contributors: TG, Roland, P
Poem finished: 20th October 2003 by TG