The Spoonbill Generator

It may have been a Tuesday - the bus was late again [TG]

I wasn't feeling choosy: I said 'Let's not complain, [Roland]

The atmosphere was boozy - much better than the train [TG]

But then ... I glimpsed Denise! [Roland]

She sat under the shelter as though upon a throne [TG]

And I began to swelter from bathing-cap to bone [Roland]

I breathed deep as I smelt her indescribable cologne [TG]

A balm upon the breeze! [Roland]

I did not dare approach her - my clothes were vile and rank [TG]

Since, posing as a poacher, I'd chosen socks that stank [Roland]

If only I could coach her, I'd take her to the bank [TG]

To cull the cashier's keys! [Roland]

I slithered up beside her like a spider to a fly [TG]

That's fallen in the cider on the 14th of July [Roland]

I watched as she applied a little liner to her eye [TG]

A temptress loves to tease [Roland]

I thought I'd try to court her - my hopes began to rise [TG]

But I'd drunk ten pints of porter (which was certainly unwise) [P]

It seemed to me her daughter had far more seemly thighs [Roland]

And was much more like to please [P]

A wave of warm saliva came cascading down my chin [Roland]

Like when I sat my viva after fourteen pints of gin [TG]

I felt like Lord Godiva in my incandescent skin [Roland]

I forced myself to wheeze [TG]

Come over to my table, and sit on my right hand [Roland]

And if I still am able, I'll show you what I've planned [TG]

Before we bolt the stable, the horse must understand [Roland]

The prize we're going to sieze [TG]

You see I like a flutter -- I've got a gambler's nose [Roland]

And if you've brought the butter, I'll show you where it goes [TG]

I'll gladly sluice your gutter with this handy garden hose [Loaf]

And water all your peas [TG]

"No sir, I do not garden", she said with steely eye [Bop]

I felt my old heart harden; I let the chance go by [TG]

I simply begged her pardon, and drank my tumbler dry [Roland]

And fell upon my knees [TG]

Her boot was on my shoulder! Her hands were round my neck! [Roland]

I felt myself grow bolder; I chanced a little peck [TG]

The eye of my beholder beheld a grov'lling wreck [Roland]

Of parasites and fleas! [Bop]

"You home for abject vermin! You weasel, Sir! You stoat!" [Roland]

"You'd best go down to Jermyn Street and get another coat!" [TG]

You might look good in ermine, though the chances are remote [Roland]

As lawyers waiving fees [TG]

Such cruel vituperation quite battered at my soul [Roland]

I knew my peroration could not fill that gaping hole [TG]

So, as the situation slipped quite out of my control [Roland]

I found,at last, true ease [TG]

'Twas on the Wednesday morning I woke all cold and stiff [Roland]

With slime and ooze adorning my newly razored quiff [TG]

And, as I lay there yawning, I asked myself, "What if ... [Roland]

I hadn't had that cheese [TG]

But opted for Potato, that philosophic fruit [Roland]

Which sat upon my plate, overshadowed by the lute [TG]

That once belonged to Plato, that blithering bandicoot [Roland]

Or was it Socrates? [P]

No matter; I had chosen, and chosen quite amiss [Roland]

I donned my lederhosen and set out in search of bliss [TG]

My limbs were fraught and frozen, like a penguin's chrysalis [Roland]

I needed my chemise [TG]

My lute required re-stringing, retuning too; and yet [Roland]

My heart just kept on singing, as if I'd really met [TG]

Although mine eyes were stinging with rheum, or with regret [Roland]

The heart so seldom sees! [TG]