The Spoonbill Generator

Achilles stole my hobby-horse [Roland]

I knew he was a heel [KT]

I punched him once upon the jaw [The Agent Apsley]

He kicked me down onto the floor [KT]

I loathed this violence, of course [Elizabeth]

But Theseus was close at hand [Grayman]

Back from a minor tour [TG]

I smacked him twice about the nape [Roland]

He gave my hand a nasty scrape [KT]

(This hurt us both, you understand) [Roland]

Then Paris came upon the scene [KT]

With ardour on his mind; [The Agent Apsley]

I drove a skewer through his spleen [Roland]

(Which was a touch unkind) [The Agent Apsley]

I wish we could remain serene [TG]

Fair Helen then did wander by [Elizabeth]

Casually launching ships [Grayman]

I squirted acid in her eye [Roland]

And glowered at her ample hips. [Elizabeth]

(This conduct almost made me cry) [Roland]

Then Menelaus swore an oath [TG]

In many-layered scorn [Roland]

I kicked him hard behind the knee [TG]

He turned and did the same to me [KT]

Then Telemachus did us both [Grayman]

And thus the Ancient World corrodes [Roland]

Thersites' boil and eek his cloak [The Agent Apsley]

I lanced him with a sudden jab [Roland]

That catapulted him to Rhodes [Elizabeth]

Where yo may view his burial-slab [Roland]