The Spoonbill Generator

Whatever happened to darling Denise? [TG]

What was she doing there, down on her knees? [Roland]

Hadn't she heard that the service had ended? [TG]

Wasn't she told that her hat had been mended? [P]

Had she abandoned her old expertise? [Roland]

Whatever happened to Gad-about Gertie? [TG]

What was she doing there? Nothing too dirty, [Roland]

Hadn't she seen that the wheels needed cleaning? [TG]

Hadn't she noticed the whole shift in meaning [Roland]

Since the parish converted to Dvorak from QWERTY [P]

Whatever happened to Denzil the Draper? [Roland]

Wasn't he seen with a ream of brown paper? [TG]

Was he aware that the choir was in session [Roland]

Didn't he come just too late for confession? [TG]

Where was his shame for his role in the caper? [P]

What has become of our servant Selina? [Roland]

Isn't it ages since anyone's seen her? [TG]

Has she found out that we've sold all her china? [P]

Shattered her drawers and defaced ev'ry liner [Roland]

And done everything that we can to demean her. [P]

And what, pray, became of the Bishop of Burton? [TG]

Isn't he noted for twitching the curtain? [Roland]

Didn't he used to reveal his equipment [P]

After inhaling each clandestine shipment [Roland]

And sampling it twice, so he said, to make certain? [TG]

And what shall become of the Poets of Penge? [Roland]

Didn't we threaten the direst revenge? [TG]

Did we not summon, with syllables dulcet [Roland]

Critics, who seize on a verse and convulse it? [TG]

Shall we not bury their bowels at Stonehenge? [Roland]

What did you say to that termagant Tess? [TG]

Has she been threat'ning to iron her dress? [Roland]

Has she now promised to mend her bad habits? [P]

Bullying embyros, threatening rabbits [Roland]

And refusing to clear up that terrible mess. [P]

Envoi: [Roland]

You, who idolise these foolish folk [P]

Shall always be the last to see the joke [Roland]

We, who see the joke but do not laugh [P]

Shall be the first to write your epitaph [Roland]