Felicity Kendall's Lovely Armpits
When you said you were my friend
I was in need of solace;
Any port in a storm, they say:
Not so in Copenhagen!
One for all, but none for one
I never found my mettle
A circle drawn around the globe
Gets stuck in Copenhagen!
And when you said 'Two's company'
I never realised that you were
Entirely mummified in fur
Last seen in Copenhagen!
Once for all, I'll say it twice
I'm always finding weevils
In the nephew of my niece
Mermaid of Copenhagen!
And when you said "We two are one"
I had no thought to doubt you
I drank six litres of red wine
And half a pint of turps as well
I came to in the hospital
And sprayed you with a wine divine
Thank God that I am here and not
In Northern Scotland, on a boat
Nor yet in Copenhagen!
When Moses took me by the hand
I never thought to question
I told the players in the band
"Beware of Copenhagen!"
They heeded not my sound advice
"We're not scared of pickled herring!"
They played as if the world would end
In fifty-seven minutes
Or maybe, even, fifty-eight,
But Ragnarok has not yet come
To end the torment of the dead
Tortured souls who forever dwell
Within the sound of many a bell
Still listening for the song of hope
And washing with a piece of grass
I knelt beside the unicorn
And melted it into a piece
So as we near our journey's end
May time from us all ill forfend
Contributors: | E Greejius, ripski, Apsley, TG, Hamish, Roland, fester, Rolsnd, Madge, P, rippinski, Grayman. |
Poem finished: | 24th April 2000. |