The Spoonbill Generator

Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine! [Apsley]

Bind me to the briars! Oh, that would be divine! [fester]

Stake me with the dahlias, in the sun and snow, [Apsley]

Fertilise me daily and watch me start to grow [fester]

In a manner quite obscure, befitting my degree, [Apsley]

This, my love, is just a taste of what you'll do for me [TG]

Cover me with compost and water me with care [fester]

Lest wire-worms and lychees should nestle in my hair; [Apsley]

Dish me up some compost with a side of manure tea, [Rippinski]

Do this with celerity and then dance with a flea; [Apsley]

Let not slugs and greenfly take sustenance from me [fester]

For that is not part of society! [Apsley]

Cut me with your secateurs! Prune me with your knife! [fester]

Pull me in the undergrowth and call me your own wife! [Apsley]

Sheldrake and Shovelar have inured me to manure [Yoxi]

But these are Names with which one is quite certain to insure [Apsley]

One's newts. But I digress: please tie me to the wall [fester]

Espaliered, my fruit takes autumn's transatlantic fall [Yoxi]

Spray me with insecticide! Aereate my roots! [fester]

Rummage in my open space in your rubber boots! [Apsley]

Do not let those horrid birds nest amidst my leaves [fester]

But shower me with petals that were stolen by the thieves [Apsley]

Let sieve and sand and leafmold intertwine orgiastically [Yoxi]

But, in your wildest moments, please do not act plastically [Apsley]