The Spoonbill Generator

Oh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts, [fester]

Save thy lack of private parts [P]

Which once were tall, and strong and proud [Rob]

And now lie buried in a shroud [P]

Your wife has left to be a nun [fester]

So too, alas, your eldest son [Beefy]

Your friends all snigger when they see [fester]

Your shabby mediocrity [Apsley]

Oh, what can ail thee, Queen of Spoons, [Roland]

Save too many mouldy prunes [fester]

That once were sphery, bronzed and plump [Roland]

And now do make your stomach jump [fester]

Your husband lies beneath the stairs [Roland]

Dressed in your daughter's underwear [fester]

And when your rivals view your plight [Roland]

The sick of Rheims all start a fight [Apsley]

Oh, what can ail thee, King of Kings [Roland]

Save thy lack of girly things [fester]

That dangled once about your neck [Roland]

But which you lost in a shipwreck [fester]

Your subjects flit among the stars [Roland]

All seeking work in go-go bars [fester]

Where maid might find but pleasures few [Apsley]

Like sex, drugs, rock and roll and booze [fester]