The Spoonbill Generator

A pestilence, a nuisance, a wretched waste of time! [Apsley]

Watching television, it ought to be a crime. [Roland]

A barnacle, a will-o'-wisp, a ballad all in blue... [Apsley]

The wireless and the telephone ... I'd like to ban them, too. [Roland]

A rubber-stamp, a piece of eight, a Snark in my front room - [Apsley]

The astrolabe, the internet: consign them to the tomb! [Roland]

A postage-stamp, a bar of soap, a candle made of cheese? [Apsley]

But the lack of wired connections could bring me to my knees! [MRQ]