The Ballad of the Blocked Toilets
She wandered through the garden fence
"Ouch!" she cried, "That hurts!"
And though she'd bought (at great expense)
A cabbage full of common sense
A vegetable of brain immense
She was herself completely dense
And friend to anything that blurts
She drove over her neighbour's cat
And said in fury 'That is that!'
And coming home to an empty flat
With a rancid, nubile acrobat
Proceeded to embalm a rat
With some soda from the larder
As she rubbed, he struggled harder...
She grew quite angry, and saliva
Dribbled onto Roland's hide, where
Hunted by a rabid diver,
And by Roland's pet louse, Ivor,
Suddenly, like Minnie Driver
In her finest underwear,
(New in store, only a fiver!)
The poem lurched from bad to worse
Like a male zombie in a dress
Like a pauper behind the hearse
As if 'twere under the Mummy's curse
And hand in hand with Rudolf Hess
The Graf von Hindenburg confess'd
The virgins dim that he'd undressed
She dropped the kettle on her toe
(As readers wondered who 'she' was)
Anne Widdecombe perhaps? Say no!
If not she, then, some other foe
Descended from the polar floe
That gives the mind of man the buzz
Santa said, "Ho! Groovy! Ho!"
| Contributors: | Reid, Beefy, loaf, Apsley, limits, fester, Glyn, TG, Fatty. |
| Poem finished: | 18th December 2000. |