The Spoonbill Generator

Bianca grabbed me by the throat, and said I was a little stoat: [Apsley]

But I'm a weasel through and through - I'm not a stoat at all, thank you! [Hamish]

She didn't think a lot of that - she said I was a stupid prat [TG]

She pulled my tail and pinched my nose - she even stood upon my toes [B]

But even through the tears of pain I could not think my love was vain [Beefy]

I told her once, I told her twice, I even thought to tell her thrice [Apsley]

But then she threw me down the stairs - I wonder if she really cares? [Beefy]

For every time she flees the nest I have to rinse her rancid vest, [dkb]

And darn the holes in all her tights - no wonder I can't sleep at nights! [Beefy]

For every time she calls my name I have to take our lord in vain, [Anastasia]

And pray in hope that He will save me from this lonely deadly grave. [B]

But even as my prayers rise, I see that look within here eyes [Beefy]

Which says she'll find her cricket-bat, and hit me very hard with that [fester]

Bianca hit me on the head and left me there as good as dead: [Anastasia]

And then she brought her friends to watch her cruelly kick me in the crotch [fester]

My vitals shattered and exploded, make her think she was loaded [Apsley]

Then, heedless of my anguished cries, she poked her fingers in my eyes [Beefy]

Out popped an eyeball, which she caught, and now my sight is really short [fester]

She said she didn't care a jot, she'd just go sailing on her yacht [Apsley]