The Spoonbill Generator

Coming back from London Zoo [P]

A hamster stole my haemorrhoids at Crewe [Fatty]

And sold them to a flautist bound for Hull [Apsley]

My piles are now on stage with Jethro Tull [Fatty]

Who treats them with a grim and pert disdain [Apsley]

Which they accept because they're hooked on fame [Fatty]

They know a thing or two! [Apsley]

Coming home from foreign parts [Fatty]

My sister threw a twelve at darts: [Apsley]

I threw my sister on the floor - [Fatty]

She should have made a higher score [Anon.]

Now she works from ten till eight [Apsley]

Teaching un-house-trained frogs to cogitate [Fatty]

And other useful arts [P]

I hate my sister, when all's said and done [Apsley]

Her sneering lips, her hair piled in a bun [dkb]

Her small pert breasts, her tautly muscled bum [Fatty]

On which she strums her well-developed thumb - [Apsley]

I hate her long, long, legs, her flawless skin [Fatty]

But most of all I quite detest her kin. [P]

Coming back from god-knows-where [ApsleyJr]

I found a maggot in my hair: [Apsley]

I knew straightway the rot had now set in [P]

I think I'll go and numb my brain with gin [Beefy]

"Coming back (football's coming back)" [Hamish]

So bawled the retching artless anorak [Apsley]

Whose shaven head betokened shaven thought [Beefy]

With pasty face, beer belly, England shorts [Fatty]

He really cut a dash! [Apsley]