The Spoonbill Generator

Hamish McBoreal? The spaniel from the Glens? [Apsley]

That's his memorial, for saving Scotland's hens [Fatty]

From being boiled in aspic, with a piece of dill, [Apsley]

By oily Hell's Angel chefs,chefs, seeking a cheap thrill [Fatty]

- McBoreal did smite them, with his mighty staff, [Apsley]

When he saw them worshipping the wicked fatted calf [P]

That Angus dim had fashioned from a dowager's old hat [Apsley]

Some haggis skins and dachshunds, a cow and a gold rat: [Fatty]

The staff, alas, did shatter on the warty horny hide [Grayman]

But still released the dachsunds who were trapped inside [Fatty]

The starving hounds leapt on the chefs and bit them all to death [fester]

And McBoreal was knighted by Queen Elizabeth [Fatty]

Sir McBoreal was regal, lofty and obscure [Apsley]

More oriole than eagle, his shadowed dovecote pure [Yoxi]

He fluttered on the up-draft, descended on the down- [Apsley]

Ward spiral of too much whisky, porage and Miss Brown [fester]

Whom he would herald royally, with biscuits and a fife [Apsley]

Until she turned all lawyerly, and banged him up for life [TG]

His prison-cell was airy, with turrets and a spire [Apsley]

The laboratory on gimbals, spiral staircase on the gyre [Yoxi]

He penned a thousand ballads, each one direr than the last [Beefy]

Until his "Ode to Apsley's Tonsils" proved him master of his craft [fester]

At that, Miss Brown relented, McBoreal was freed [Beefy]

And now teaches penguins English at a College in Leeds [fester]