Mutable, Suitable, Inscrutable
Hidboult was a wanderer
Who travelled in a gondola
Filled to the brink with cheese
Shadbolt was a torturer
Hailed Hidbout from the porch: "You're a
-bout to fracture my knees
Stilton was my osteopath
Shadbolt cried: "I crossed your path
By swinging from the trees!"
Cheddar was a ponderer
Who liked to live far yonder - here
In Stockton-upon-Tees
Fourfoot was a troubador
Who wished to visit Cuba more
With his pet Pekinese
Blunder was a sad mistake
He should have been a paddock-gate
And rattled in the breeze
Wanda was a stomach-ache
A vexsome cod, a loathsome hake
Who glibly spread disease
Crackers tied me to a tree
Onto my nose there flew a bee
I couldn't help but sneeze
Biscuits bound me securely
Against a bust of Pierre Curie
And forced me to eat cheese
Cheese from Hidboult's gondola!
For Biscuits was a conjuror
Whose tricks were sure to please
Back on Shadbolt's porch you wait
Impertinent but obdurate
To Ethics and to sleaze
While Stilton taps your vertebrae
You know that it will hurt all day
But then the pain will ease.
Blazing was a heavenly star
(That lit the path of Cheddar, far
Into the China Seas)
Fourfoot's singing chimpanzee
Read an Iain Banks to me
Whilst picking at his fleas
Now that Blunder's rattling
'Mid the breeze of early spring
Do oil his hinges, please
Should the noissome Wanda pass,
Who slithers like a blade of grass,
Don't eat her mushy peas!
Now that Crackers has no rope
Soon I'll wriggle free, I hope
And then tell the police
I'll be no more by Biscuits bound
Even at the cricket-ground
At luncheons or at teas.
Contributors: | loaf, fester, Apsley, TG, Yoxi, dkb, Beefy. |
Poem finished: | 7th August 2001. |