Washed and Dried in Time
'A ton of prunes, a pickled egg, two muskets and a globe?'
That was his final offer when he asked me to disrobe
What's good enough for grandmama is good enough for me
So I took off all my clothing and asked him in to tea
He then proceeded, with a grin, to auction off my clothes
Holding up my knickers he said "What am I bid for those?"
"They're good enough for grandmama - let's hear your offers please!"
"Six pounds? They're sold! Now for the tights! Who wants to bid for these?"
I got quite cold, just sitting there with nothing on at all
Hallucinating penguins in the shadows on the wall
They looked like my dear grandmama, who dressed in white and black,
"Five hundred for the penguins!" cried a voice from out the back
"I cannot sell those penguins, even though there may be lots,"
So muttered he in sylvan tones, electrodes all in knots,
As down the hall rushed grandmama, beside herself with rage
At electrocuting madmen promenading on the stage
"Put on some clothes, you silly girl, before you catch a chill!"
She uttered in adversity, receiving quite a thrill:
She may be old, but grandmama admires a shapely form
And has a large collection of erotica and porn
With strange alacrity she seized the muskets and the egg
Then tied up all the serving-girls no matter how they begged
I rather think that grandmama is getting out of hand
To compensate the serving-girls cost us eleven grand!
Thank goodness, I made up the cash by selling all the prunes
And calling them the product from casting o'er the runes
I've had enough of grandmama; she's locked up in a cell
And now if I'm asked to undress, I just say "Go to Hell!"
Contributors: | Apsley, fester, dkb. |
Poem finished: | 7th August 2001. |