She Performed Badly
Young Margaret was a silly girl
(Her wanton hair would never curl)
She never kept her p's and q's
Just m's and n's - no bloody use!
And any serifs that she squoze
Were no more use than phantom toes
Upon a gremlin's warty face
She painted pictures of disgrace
This pleased the gremlin not a jot
(But misery's a gremlin's lot)
She also played (and badly too)
Sonatas to her kangaroo
Sonatas written by the dead
Discovered in a garden shed
By Britney Spears, the papers say,
Who has a kind of ghostly way
Of fading out of human sight
And singing songs bereft of light
Renowned for curling wanton hair
Whilst clad in skimpy underwear
And seven layers of anoraks
Bought from on-line almanacs
Meg's kangaroo (remember that?)
Grew quite gigantically fat
And luckily, quite deaf as well
(I'll not comment upon the smell)
One must admit, she had her flaws -
But packed a wallop in her paws
Then packed a lunch into her pouch
(Which caused a list or else a slouch)
Then left the shed with cheerful bounds
And at a speed that quite astounds
Set off to hunt the q's and p's
(Those evil spreaders of disease)
Armed with a hunter's lexicon
And seven light meals - Mexican,
She bounded forth upon her quest
For Britney's noted skimpy vest
Which Meg desired above all else
("Else" is a word that's hard to rhyme)
That mankind buys or woman sells
And she would stoop to any crime
That pays the wages of the damned
(She is quite mad, you understand)
When all their farmsteads have been lambed
And all the gremlins made to stand
Their warty faces in a row
By where the p's and q's will grow
(Once m's and n's have been plucked out)
And with a leap, a bound, a shout
She plucks the scissors from the floor
And serifs fly - one, two, three, four,
And then she's off! With one great leap
She goes to bed and falls asleep.
Contributors: | fester, Apsley, TG, Yoxi, Beefy, dkb. |
Poem finished: | 9th August 2001. |