My Mendacious Honey
I lie to you always, as sugar to spice
I hide from your paws like the chocolate mice
That pep up the graveyard and tickle the Queen
And though your risotto was ever so nice
I'm feeling as sick as I ever have been
I cannot pretend that I meant what I said
I loved you to bits - till I got you in bed
'Twas there I discovered your dark secret vice -
That you keep a live walrus attached to your head -
I couldn't believe it, I had to look twice.
Dissembling to you's just a habit with me
I've done it so long that I can't drink my tea
I rattle the teacups to hide my distress
And put Cornish pasties inside my dress
The walrus keeps spinning around in my mind
It proves I was wrong when I thought you were kind
But why did you say I'd be better off dead?
It's just like that day when the bishop resigned -
They took him to Oxford and filled him with lead
Those mice were the oddest sweets I've ever seen
They beat the beetroot ice-cream with broad bean
But still, you're the sweetest girl I'd hope to find,
Assuming that for sex you're just as keen,
And do not not simply want me for my mind
Contributors: | Apsley, dkb, Beefy, TG, fester. |
Poem finished: | 5th September 2001. |