The Spoonbill Generator

When I was young and fancy free [fester's nose]

(or so it seemed, at least, to me) [P]

I valued life at little cost [Apsley]

And didn't care if yours was lost [fester's socks]

Which is why I bought a hatchet [Apsley]

And Kalashnikovs to match it [fester]

I'd go into the fields bright [Apsley]

Almost every single night [fester]

And fire my guns into the air [Apsley]

And swing my hatchet everywhere [fester]

Thus Aunt Mimi came to die [Apsley]

(I chopped her head off in the rye) [fester]

I felt remorse (for seconds three) [Apsley]

And then I shot Uncle Barry [fester]

That wasteful monster from the hills [Apsley]

Totally lacking social skills [fester]

Who once emraced me in a hedge [Apsley]

He'd planted on his window-ledge [fester]

Cousin Hedwig died more slowly [Apsley]

(Her head wasn't cut off wholly) [fester]

A witness of her own demise [Grayman]

(She saw her way to several pies) [Apsley]

She told me that I wasn't nice [fester's bum]

But I just drowned her in the rice [Apsley]