The Spoonbill Generator

When first I woke upon this day, [Engliahqueen]

The weasels smeared my feet with clay: [Apsley]

then came the lion, crock and bear [Englishqueen]

And Billy Goats on rocking Chairs [Nigel Sly]

This was a day, then, not unique, [Apsley]

- Just the last one in a week [P]

Where artichokes were eaten, [Apsley]

and all the children beaten [dan]

Soundly with a whip [Apsley]

When I next woke the clay had set [fester]

And up above me soared a jet, [Apsley]

I tried to move - my feet were stuck [fester]

I'm really having rotten luck [Beefy]

Unlike my uncle in Nepal [Apsley]

Who's bought himself a crystal ball [fester]

TO learn he'll never be tall [Anon.]

Anon messed up the beat y'all [dan]

Those crystal balls are better than [fester]

A cobra in a frying-pan: [Apsley]

Like pimples on a budgie's beak [fester]

The never miss their turn to speak [Beefy]

And so my plight was quite complete, [Apsley]

Or so thought I, but things got worse: [fester]

My brother wrapped me in a sheet, [Apsley]

And loaded me into a hearse [fester]

And, if that weren't ill-luck enough, [Beefy]

He then nailed down the coffin lid: [fester]

I thought that I'd run out of puff, [Apsley]

When into flames the coffin slid [fester]

Upon the pirate ship. [Apsley]

Inside the coffin, it was hot [fester]

And I despaired of drinking tea, [Apsley]

Far better 'twere that I'd been shot [fester]

And left to die upon the sea [Apsley]

And then, an appetising smell [fester]

Of porridge, apples and champagne [Apsley]

Restored me from my dreams of Hell [Beefy]

As, thankfully, down fell the rain [fester]

I then awoke in floods of tears [Apsley]

(The first I'd cried in many years) [fester]

And saw that all in life, though dim, [Apsley]

Is better with a glass of Pimm's. [fester]

So grab yourself a sip! [Apsley]