The Spoonbill Generator

A slice of cake, soaked in madeira, [Apsley]

And carefully nailed to your head [loaf]

Will, according to old, mad Vera [fester]

Quite heighten her pleasure in bed [Roland]

A cup of tea, sweetened with honey, [Beefy]

And thoughtfully tipped in one's ear [Roland]

Will not only make you feel funny [fester]

But to your spirits give cheer [Apsley]

A piece of bread, spread with sweet butter [fester]

And clamped to the armpit or knee [loaf]

With help keep your home free from all clutter [Apsley]

But might make you whistle off-key [Beefy]

A chocolate eclair, smeared with whipped cream, [Apsley]

And then super-glued to your nose [fester]

Will surely endear you to Mr Bream, [Apsley]

Purveyor of used panty-hose [fester]

And so – when I ask you to supper – [Roland]

Will Claret or Chablis be yours? [Apsley]

As we dine off wares made by Tupper [fester]

That threaten to shatter our jaws [loaf]

Feasting on kidneys in aspic [fester]

While sipping a rare Nuits-St-Georges [Beefy]

When I tweak your knicker elastic [fester]

And chatter just like Victor Borge [Apsley]