If Cocoa Couldn't (Allegory)
"Chocolate! Give me chocolate!", the woman screamed
But the menu only offered "broccoli, steamed"
"It's feel-good substances I require"
Yet naught on the menu fulfilled her desire
She stamped her big foot, she got up on the table
And began to relate a pertinent fable:
Long, long ago, in the land of the Inca
In a little mountain town, in the Andean Sierra
was a man who sat on his step sipping Sanka
And humming a ditty by the great Paul Anka
A wonderous tree grew three magical beans
And being a woman of quite modest means
She quietly stuck those beans in her pocket
(For the man, if he saw, was most likely to mock it)
He distrusted all magic and hated caffeine
His poor wife suffered awfully, waxed deathly lean
And with those three beans, she intended to sow
A black crop of revenge (delicious also)
The first bean was bad: it grew a shoe store
Callous husband merely muttered, "Never saw that before"
The second was planted, and started to sprout
It grew three kinds of beer: ale, porter, and stout.
The third bean was lost in the brawl that ensued
When all of the townsfolk got thoroughly stewed
Which brings me at last to the crux of this tale -
gimme some damn chocolate - you better not fail.
As the woman concluded the restaurant fell silent
The waiter said, "Look, don't make me get violent"
She burst out with weeping, she didn't now why
"You can't understand, for you're just a guy!"
"This craving I have- it's almost unearthly"
"Yet try as I might, I can't get ungirthly"
I am a chocoholic! Oh alas! Welaway!
Then, on the third bean, there suddenly fell a ray
The tale, it seemed, was not fable but more or less fact
"Death by chocolate! I crave it! Alas and alack!"
The words barely spoken when a river of fudge
Headed toward her--but she wouldn't budge!
"at last!" she cried gladly, her heart palpitating
Her mouth watered quarts, and her hips were inflating
The fudge, it oozed closer, our heroine; smirking
But in the back of her mind, her diet was lurking.
And that's how it was that our dieter died
In the end she was flattened, three or four metres wide
A sinister pancake in caramel sauce
And did she deserve it? You betcha. Ocourse.
The End
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| Contributors: | sharon, Edgar, mcb, Kevin Andrew Murphy, K.B. Benedict, Anon., Sharon, Kansas Sam, VM, SharonP, D, Grayman. |
| Poem finished: | 20th June 2003. |