Theory of Everything on Tap
Lucinda' big sister chowed down on plutonium
petit fours -- snacks for Newtonian Tea
She shot me a look of pure acrimonium
More radioactive than Madame Curie
Lucinda, meanwhile, danced with a motion Brownian
As charming and strange as a quark floating free
But slipped on a lepton while acting the clownian
And down on her bottom quickly fell she
Schrodinger arrived, bringing felis domesticus
He quite willingly helped Lucinda up
The cat, though, suspicious of feminis guesticus
Upon her new petticoat promptly threw up
Feynman played drums, and then Bohr got to boogeying
While Verner Von Braun poured a new cup
Heisenberg asked, "Who's doing the noogeying?"
"Shrodinger's cat!" screamed Lucinda, fed up.
That started a chain of reactive hyperbole
"I can never be certain," said Heisenberg when
Bohr yelled, "You're made indecisive by 'herbal' tea"
And Newtonian nonsense exploded again.
L's sis shimmied off, arm-in-arm with Copernicus
"He's so heliocentric" the other girls sniffed
He whirled her around, then a flip, topsy-turvius
Caused a laminar flow, and Lucinda did lift
her green-glowing arms to the red-glowing clouds
None could explain the grave hush that ensued
Or what, for that matter, was with all those weird shrouds
Or why Men of Science had stopped being rude
So they hopped on a train that was bound for Los Alamos
Slacking on Amtrak - sub-relative speed
When Curie got ill, Dr. Bohr gave the gal a dose
Of pitchblend, precisely the thing she would need
The meds did not work and her have soon red-shifted
her slurred of speech and easily mifted
L's sister exclaimed "My, look how she's glowing!"
"And the clocks on the wall - they are suddenly slowing!"
Then Bohr got more boring, and Shrodinger's cat
Put himself in a box, and injested a hat
The Hat in the Cat wanted fun that is funny
Yet a box with a pussy's just obscenely punny
In the box the cat pondered "Am I dead, or alive?"
"If not dead--tell me, why must I live in this dive?"
"And all of these scientists give me the shits"
I shouldn't have eaten the nuclear bits
So Feynman, Lucinda, and Big Al the Mop
Disposed of the cat with a watery--plop!
Into the great tank at Los Alamos labs
Where little Ed Teller was flexing his abs
Teller, in 'roid rage, and high on deuterium,
Was avoided by all (Said old Oppy, "YOU query him!"),
They got on the horn, and called Bonferroni
a crudely approximate case of baloney.
| Contributors: | Lloyd, Kevin Andrew Murphy, VM, Edgar, Larry Brennan, Kansas Sam, Lenore Mandrake, Heather Wane, Anon., Ruth, Laura S., K.B. Benedict, Kevin.A.Murphy@sff.net, sharon, mcb, Grayman, hagglefish, Elusis. |
| Poem finished: | 21st June 2003. |