The Spoonbill Generator

You asked for a list of excuses, [Hagfish]

But I'm tired--too tired for that [Kansas Sam]

So go make your own damn excuses [anon]

Like, my car was attacked by a bat. [Hagfish]

In a negligee. From the last poem. [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Or else by a cricket type of bat... [Apsley]

A cricket type of bat - just what is that? [scientist]

For research, I just don't have time [Kansas Sam]

All my air ran out; now I am flat. [Hagfish]

Heck, this lemon has left me flat broke [Kansas Sam]

Or was it the lime and tequila? [Edgar]

Or a taste for dark rum in my Coke [Kansas Sam]

You never should drink Cuba Libres [Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Or light Castro's cigar with your match [Hagfish]

(You're in jail the instant that he brays) [Kansas Sam]

Come again sir? Oh, that's just my wife [anon]

Her nagging has driven me nuts [Kansas Sam]

That now I want to end my life. [Paddy Raghunathan]