The Spoonbill Generator

The telephone is ringing, dear [Nym]

You answer it; I'm on the toilet [F]

It's probably a musketeer [rings]

I wouldn't want to soil it. [tonedeaf]

The doorbell chimes, my honey [Nym]

Could you get it? I'm indisposed. [tonedeaf]

It's that horse that wants our money [Nym]

Must we pay him? I'm opposed. [Francine]

An email, darling, just arrived [Nym]

"You've got mail!"makes me queasy. [tonedeaf]

I'm sure those spammers have contrived [Nym]

Items both wholesome and sleazy. [tonedeaf (td)]

A fax has just come in, my dear [Francine]

You read it; it looks like a scam. [tonedeaf]

It's surely from that Nordic skier [Nym]

The one who's prone to call you "m'am" [Francine]

An SMS for you, my sweet [Nym]

And a PMS for you, dear [what the hell's an SMS?]

With acronyms we all might cheat, [tonedeaf]

The FedEx guy--he's here [Kansas Sam]

It's an overnight letter; please sign for it kitten. [td]

Can you? My wrist is still sprained [Kansas Sam]

Okay, but you know, one day I was smitten [td]

With goods that his package contained [Anon.]

A carrier pigeon has alit on the lawn; [td]

Catch it, my love; I'm too slow [Kansas Sam]

No doubt it's a message from Yoko and Sean [Dassn't Say]

Inviting me to some new show [P]

A singing telegram now croons, do bend your ear m'dear [Larry Brennan]

It's one of those old jukebox tunes
To my eye it brings a tear [Anon.]