Why you never dared tell the Pope about Mother Hubbard
Why do you chide me when you could ride me?
Why are you such a damn fool?
You must not deride me or try to abide me
Now shut up and take out your tool
Why do you deface me and never embrace me?
Why are you afraid to pitch woo?
You must not just show it, you really must know it--
You really must know how to screw
Why do you diss me - I want you to kiss me
Why are you acting so shy?
You must not just drill me, I want you to thrill me
Be my lascivious guy.
Why do you blubber when I dress in rubber?
Why won't you spank my behind?
It's time you to discover I am a weird lover
Just ask this cantaloupe rind
Go back to your mummy, you milksop, you dummy
You'll never learn how to romance me.
You think I am scummy, a regular rummy
You don't even try to de-pants me
I long to be squired, but you're not "hard-wired"
To cater to all of my quirks
Your're soft and your're lazy, perhaps even crazy.
It's time I withdrew all your perks:
I'll start, for example, with my bosom most ample
-- I'll wrap it up in coal;
You'll be in a pickle with no "Captain Tickle"
My cummerbund is all you'll ever know
Contributors: | Francine, Randy, Beefy, P, Dassn't Say, F, Kansas Sam, td, Pasquale, waffler. |
Poem finished: | 1st August 2003. |