The Spoonbill Generator

I have measured out my life with tablespoons [apologies to eliot]

Except for some rash pinches here and there [Kansas Sam]

Seems I've eaten far too many macaroons [F]

I'll down six Diet Cokes to make repair [Kansas Sam]

Yet still I break the scales--oh, foul fate! [F]

I can no longer see my pubic hair [Fatty]

My state would make a liposuctor salivate [ellie]

I've had to reinforce my favourite chair [Ethetran]

I try to dole out rancour with a thimble [ellie]

Except for so-called friends who lie and cheat [Beefy]

I would horse-whip them all, were I more nimble, [fester]

Instead I guzzle Diet Cokes. And eat [Kansas Sam]

Oh, how I wish that I too could be 'fun-sized' [Ethetran]

Except for some choice bulges here and there [fester]

Instead of being told I block the sunrise [Beefy]

And that it takes six tents to make my underwear [fester]

I find I can't abide to eat Ryvita [Ethetran]

I prefer something more fatty and sweeter [fester]

While others might be sassier and sexier [loaf]

My charms are much more subtle and complexier [Beefy]