The Spoonbill Generator

I make them go fast [Padfoot]

I make them go slow [Beefy ]

I call them to heel as we cross [Roland]

Then if they go past [Ethetran]

I tell them to "Whoa!" [Beefy ]

(They all know that I am the boss) [Padfoot]

I crush them to death [Apsley]

(Or they wish that they were) [Irene Adler]

I crush Death in them [Apsley]

With gauntlets of fur [Beefy ]

I make them go here [fester]

I make them go there [Grayman]

I make them roll over and sit [Ethetran]

Then if they go queer [loaf]

I tend to go spare [Ethetran]

(I just won't put up with that shit) [Beefy ]

I muzzle their jaws [Ethetran]

(Or they'll go and pick fights) [Beefy ]

I keep them tied up [Ethetran]

By knotting my tights [loaf]

I make them go up [fester]

I make them go down [smrtypnts]

I tell them to stop halfway there [Fatty]

Then if they don't stop [Irene Adler]

I will go to town [smrtypnts]

(They all know that I am unfair) [Fatty]

I stifle their yelps [Roland]

(Or they'll bring down the roof) [Beefy ]

I throttle their whelps [Roland]

With mathematical proof [Grayman]