Of Sailors And Their Ways
I'll tell you the tale of ham-handed Hannah
Who thumb-wrestled sailors for shots in Savannah
While wearing a pirate's ragged bandana
And chomping seegars like a Mafia don
Every wharf rat in Dixie fell for her con
She lived in a shack at the end of the harbour
With her raffish old man who once was a barber
They foraged for berries out in the arbor
The neighbors would snub them, considered them trash
Until they discovered that Hannah had cash
Our gamblin' gal suddenly had many friends
The neighbors now viewed her as means to their ends
(A realization that gave her the bends)
Her hands were insured for a million apiece
Her old man protected against her decease
Now Hannah had grown quite accustomed to fame
She'd buy her friends shots for a thumb-wrestling game
(She was quite a good-hearted earthy old dame)
But her husband soon tired of callers and such
And said, "No more freebies; everyone's going Dutch."
This caused quite a stir in the bars on the pier
"Dang, Hannah's a snot," her mates said with a sneer
But our gutsy gal vowed, "Why, I'll spit in your beer!"
And nobody dared challenge Hannah to fight
For ham-handed Hannah's hands handed them fright
So Hannah set forth to seek worthier foes
There must be a ham-handed Hank to oppose!
Some guy with thumbs like Durante's nose
She headed for Texas in search of a prize
"Houston, you have a problem!" she cries
First thing past the border, she stopped in a bar
And ordered two fingers, to chase her seegar
A hustler beside her asked had she come far
"Not far enough," Hannah said with a wink
"Hank, it is, Gal," he replied, "We're in sync"
The crowd gathered round as the pair took their seat
They saw Hannah's thumbs - and they hoped for a meet
For neither combatant had ever been beat
Their eyes locked as foes - neither stare would succumb
Then at last, down for three stayed one hammy thumb!
Hank rose to his feet with a cry of despair
"She cheated!" he wailed, "It just isn't fair!"
The crowd, though, gave thumbs-up to Hannah: "She's square!"
But Hank, sore at losing, he reached for his knife
Hell bent for leather to end Hannah's life
But Hannah was not only strong, she was quick
And before Hank could so much as inflict a nick
Her knee laid him low, left him groaning and sick
Thus never again was a hustler so dumb
To tangle with Hannah, the Queen of the Thumb
| Contributors: | F, Kansas Sam, Beefy, Karin, Grayman, TG. |
| Poem finished: | 28th January 2004 by Kansas Sam. |