Proved Once, Baked Twice
Unshockable, the bailiff's urge
To cause the most distress
Betokened, with a mighty surge
Of suds, the lame laundress
Whose habit, I need scardely add
Of charging by the pound
Defrauded - so they said - my dad
Or else his bloody hound
His gory slimy mongrel beast
That harboured in his shed
A bowl he'd bought in deepest East
the day he lost his head
And cut a swathe throughout the town
Toward the bailiff's booth
Where country folk play Knock-me-Down
And traumatise the truth
The laundress, then, with wrinkled hands
In someone else's till
Grins wide, as one who understands
The frisson of a frill
That should not be enjoyed
Through deference to Freud
The bailiff's wife was best beheld
With periscope aloft
When many merry peas were shelled
At which the bailiff scoffed
His habit, I need scaredly add,
Was favoured by the few
But drove the many nearly mad
From Kiev to Kathmandu
And laid them out in pearly rest
Beyond illicit reach
Of those who poison in the nest
The parsnip or the peach
That man will eat in search of fruit
When Eden comes to mind
And Adam comprehends the newt
Before his wife goes blind
And stumbles east from that drear place
In search of Noah's quay
And calls the number of the beast
As sixes by the three
That will not be destroyed
Through deference to Freud
The bailiff's family, all unwashed,
Ascended, in a cloud,
To find the saints whom God had coshed
For being over-proud
Of solecistic repartee
They were the bons viveurs
Until they drowned in Ring-bo-Ree
(Good riddance to the curs!)
And so we venerate their bones
As they once hounded ours
And sing their praise in ringing tones
In sunshine and in showers
We find in Heav'n a diverse bunch
Of every shape and size
Who take their breakfast after lunch
With fair few groans and sighs
The lilting of angelic choirs
The lack of hellish shouting
Th' harmonious hum of strumming lyres
Completes their æry outing
When variously employed
Through deference to Freud
Contributors: | loaf, Beefy, Apsley, Kansas Sam, Roland, Grayman, TG, (trad), asdf. |
Poem finished: | 18th March 2004 by Beefy. |