A man with a prong on his nose

The Spoonbill Generator

A Golden Treasury of Collaborative Verse

Poems completed in 2000


Complete Poems: 1996 - 1997 - 1998 - 1999 - 2000 - 2001 - 2002 - 2003 - 2004 - 2005 - 2006 - 2007

Hall of Fame

TitleFirst line

January
2000 Jan 3Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic FestivitiesAs Christmas nears I lift my pen
2000 Jan 4Dome Settling DimlyA thousand years and each one gone
2000 Jan 4A Formal Comeback For The New MillipedeFrom pyramid to penthouse
2000 Jan 5Melt-Down Happens Nightly'Well, stap me vitals!' swore William Hague:
2000 Jan 6Try Sucking Your Ear Under WaterWhen lightning strikes at midnight
2000 Jan 7Once Over Once AgainThree to one, three to one
2000 Jan 7The Margarine Heart-ThrobThis divan whereupon I lie
2000 Jan 10The Cracked OmnipotenceTrim
2000 Jan 13Cloudier MysteryGad-about Gertrude, there she gapes
2000 Jan 14Barbecue SoresFolded like a deck-chair
2000 Jan 14The Whatsit, EvermoreTime stands still; the bullet hangs in the air
2000 Jan 14New, Tidier PixiesThe stately tread of centuries has just assailed our ears
2000 Jan 14A Whole Inuit ToothOrificial
2000 Jan 15Such Lucky WickednessFortune fattens the brave
2000 Jan 18A Behavioural ThesisYou giants! You, who from this crag
2000 Jan 18Cement Listlessly Poured Upon An ImpostorWhen Thoth was King of Bermondsey
2000 Jan 21Hurrah! A Pointless Stereo PencilThe lines of life upon her face
2000 Jan 21Unfastening Tycho's Forbidden BraOne has to keep one's end up, after all:
2000 Jan 22Turbulence in the BelfryRespiration - who's to blame?
2000 Jan 23Intergalactic Journey of a Broken CruetThe Zimmer by the garage door
2000 Jan 25Abandoned FrightfulnessConsumed by Lust, whose second course
2000 Jan 27Within No Feasible HemisphereWhy, when death inheres within the very egg
2000 Jan 29Her nerveless dressing-table, regarding whichAlthough her skull is squat and flat
2000 Jan 29Weathered Wedding: The Empyrean DustIt wasn't my intention to rebuild the world at large
2000 Jan 30Big CustardWarm in nutritious mulch, we germinate,
2000 Jan 31Adam's Ballooning ErrorWhatever happened to darling Denise?
2000 Jan 31Pontifex Caught Under BridgesThough drowning in the vat, I can

February
2000 Feb 1Advertising PlatoWith cogent epigrams
2000 Feb 2The Superlunary HairdryerMy skeleton, in bony dreams
2000 Feb 2Negative ElbowChampion of the photograph
2000 Feb 3The Sun WolfIn the tallest tree
2000 Feb 7Sugar Hates Recollections'Handle not the lesser fruit!', so spake the chieftain bold,
2000 Feb 7No Thinner KnotCasually, through the wall
2000 Feb 8Bottomless YachtingA plethora of penguins is rarely to be found
2000 Feb 8Fencing Our Glass BabyFor all your faults
2000 Feb 12Big Man Devours Helicopter's EmptinessI made a little omelette with a single serpent's egg
2000 Feb 13Kenneth: My Monster PilotCover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal!
2000 Feb 13The Minotaur's Preserved TearsFrugal the frog
2000 Feb 13Dancing PeculiarMy dear Professor, listen
2000 Feb 14SonnetIf the prophets who foretell my life
2000 Feb 15Binyon County: The Defective KiteWho remembers me, Lieutenant Aubergine?
2000 Feb 15SonnetThis flower that we planted long ago
2000 Feb 16My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By TrepanningI sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour
2000 Feb 19The Yellow Singing TurncoatsInflamed by passion and a touch of flu
2000 Feb 27Rash Wednesday On The Grim ReeperbahnGive me a whirl on the trampoline dull
2000 Feb 29Apsley's Painful DirectionArabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three

March
2000 Mar 3Corporeal Longings: The Carrot Stick Of AppearancesThe sun sinks slowly into the sea, or so it seems.
2000 Mar 6My Smothered HaggisCut away, cut away
2000 Mar 9Neptune's Missing Noonday Umbrellas Of BlossomThe photo showed the final phase
2000 Mar 11The Dismembered ThumbsBefore taking part in this scandalous hoax
2000 Mar 15Because Foam Canisters IridesceShe cries, that's all she ever does
2000 Mar 15Stolen: Orville, My Disgusting DonkeyQuandary, a quandary,
2000 Mar 15Pigment DenialPigment
2000 Mar 16Bosworth: An OdeWhen cuttlefishes congregate
2000 Mar 17Mask of the HeraldHer sharp mouth, again,
2000 Mar 17Philosophers Lacking ReasonWhen Kierkegaard was down-at-heel
2000 Mar 18The Tribunal of ParadoxesYour words will be remembered through the years
2000 Mar 20Angels, Whenever You CoughInstruction none of us are free
2000 Mar 20Discredited in BirminghamYour bland mosaics, weak and pale
2000 Mar 29Doglike DoingsI remember Folkestone in December
2000 Mar 31Sickening Ogresses Devour OctametersTwice, beneath a battered moon
2000 Mar 31Vacuity's Gin Rots One's Pudenda'Just the place for a Snark!', the Boatman cried
2000 Mar 31Uncle Helium Meets His MakerHe was born at a quarter to three

April
2000 Apr 3Explode, My Foot!Give me a piece of hoary old leather!
2000 Apr 3Whose Other Stomach?Underneath my Mother Tongue
2000 Apr 4The Cakes, The KnifeArabella Spommit was a temptress, all allure;
2000 Apr 4Suction By Toothsome LipBy dressing up in surgeon's robes
2000 Apr 5Fraternal Greetings To Reverend Cuticle's OppossumArabella Spommit had three cousins slim and tall
2000 Apr 5Heather Eliot's Bottom LineApril is the cruellest month
2000 Apr 9My Warning IgnoredArabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse
2000 Apr 9Radishes Cloned My Goat!Arabella Spommit had a cat made out of cheese
2000 Apr 10Are LikeIf you were an ape, what kind would you be?
2000 Apr 10Round/ArabesqueDo not cry, my darling, do not cry
2000 Apr 10To The GoatherdsWhen asked to choose an Antipope
2000 Apr 11Fleeing Another Bloody TuesdayIs this all
2000 Apr 12Waves, Water UnderIf you were an ape, what kind would you be?
2000 Apr 12Bacon VortexI woke to find the world undone
2000 Apr 12Your UndoingBy portents, like the sun's eclipse
2000 Apr 17The Callously-Burnt MarathonLike this sample of elation
2000 Apr 24Felicity Kendall's Lovely ArmpitsWhen you said you were my friend
2000 Apr 24Picture This, My ChatelaineRembrandt, on his better days,
2000 Apr 27Slithy Again'Twas brillig and the coach and four
2000 Apr 27Holding Nigella Lawson's PythonWhenas April with his sweet showers
2000 Apr 27My UndoingWhen I was young and fancy free

May
2000 May 1Abhorrent ParadisesA silver bird, set in a leaden sky
2000 May 1When We Got Bob Plastered...Now I am old, and in men's eyes I see
2000 May 2Our Nose, Once BittenThe great thing about the verse compositions of Ogden Nash
2000 May 3Universal Generalisations Are TiresomeThe chief delight of Roland Rat
2000 May 3My Nightly Righteous FermentI think that I shall never see
2000 May 7Businessmen Halting OverheadGive me some glue in pot coloured blue
2000 May 8Endlessly TransitoryWhen my Doppelganger calls
2000 May 8My Articulate Cucumber SaysTeasing and tempting is naughty Nanette
2000 May 9I'm Pitifully Happy Wherever There Are SpoonbillsMy life is like an open road (yes, people walk on me)
2000 May 10Three Dodgy Hamsters, Always Gardening!Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine!
2000 May 11Alone With Another FoolI'm afraid he is addicted to collaborative verse
2000 May 11Surely it behoves us to grant...In Istanbul
2000 May 14Ramsgate Station (1066)When mice attack a quarter-back
2000 May 14In Africa, Hoplessly LostWe don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand
2000 May 15Drinking Electricity (Sonnet)One sonnet is too short to tell the charms
2000 May 15Fingering Second Every TownWhile blotting my escutcheon
2000 May 15Essay - Let's NotIt's a terrible start to a poem
2000 May 15Wake! Capitulate!I had a small Etruscan
2000 May 16EmbezzlementWhen Ogden Nash ran out of cash
2000 May 16Unless They Get MistressesSweet nymph, though thou art ever im my dreams
2000 May 16Matters HereticalIn Spring
2000 May 17Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On SpeedMy mind's eye, all in sepia
2000 May 17My French Bananas Of Unbounded MagnificenceWhen teaching Granny to suck eggs
2000 May 18Polemic PolarityHamstrung by a woollen noose
2000 May 22Plangent Daily WailingCadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow
2000 May 22The Puissance In American AdverbsThe cake of opportunity must be eaten whilst it's fresh
2000 May 23Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedralThe cards were dealt, and in my hand
2000 May 23Hengist's coming to get you, HorsaIn Persia's lands, there is a wisp that terrifies the priests.
2000 May 24Anti-Dandruff CornflakesA kangaroo I used to know
2000 May 24She Wasn't Waving But His Trousers WereShe was poor but she was honest
2000 May 24Is My Navel Growing?What is that great black bird I see?
2000 May 29Under the AdriaticIn the darkness of the night
2000 May 29Off Ovary StreetWhat baby spurns the cattle-grid
2000 May 30Duck Soup StoriesWhen Duck and Gerbil went adventuring
2000 May 30Cautiously Urging, Redundantly PurgingIf my ardour flickers

June
2000 Jun 1Jesus With Underdone OmeletteIn this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom
2000 Jun 1Bangles in TemptationAs the bland computer whines
2000 Jun 1Never, Scarcely EverGive me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey
2000 Jun 6That's That Over WithIn the beginning was the Herd:
2000 Jun 6Goats Cannae KnitThere was a young man from Kilbride
2000 Jun 6Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets ElegantlyI like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees
2000 Jun 7The Tomato Points WestI like carrots in the spring-time
2000 Jun 8Courtly Like The Dancing CobraMy brides lined up in order
2000 Jun 9Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh!There was a young man from Kilbride
2000 Jun 9When It's WhenAn addictive personality
2000 Jun 12Our Ugliest Newly-Weds Disgust MeA feast of fumes, a feast of fumes
2000 Jun 12Lemmings Explode When Roped To DynamitePlease help me grease my hamster said the Queen
2000 Jun 13To Hypnotise Badgers Bereft Of DiscretionAcross the hills a cry rang out:
2000 Jun 13We Falter, Our Falling Too FacileWhose is the hand that eats my head?
2000 Jun 14Sparklingly Devoid Of InterestWhat is a thruttock? questioned Sam
2000 Jun 14Bragging About Semi-colonsIf only
2000 Jun 14Give It Some Welly Now!To think of bursting as a chore
2000 Jun 20Nevertheless, Nuke the FrenchEach time I use the word 'defer'
2000 Jun 20Vacuum Cleaners Constructed Entirely Out Of Anabaptist DogmaA rabid armadillo with a beanbag on its head
2000 Jun 23Unseen Behind Ourselves AgainAway on the heather'd down
2000 Jun 25Underneath The Forest WallCalypso, on her vaulting-horse
2000 Jun 26Butcher's Lament On NothingWhat sort of dog is this? I hear you ask
2000 Jun 29Eggs And ArtilleryThe gambler folds his hand and sets his gaze

July
2000 Jul 6How Large Is Tina's Dinosaur?I once asked Uncle Herbert
2000 Jul 10Totally Dissimilar Sausages (With Mustard)As I was walking all alone
2000 Jul 11Henderson's Decline'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked
2000 Jul 18Her Promiscuity Made GoodShall I compare thee to a coach and four?
2000 Jul 22Mr Stilton Stalks The UndergroundAs I was going up the stair, I met a froglet tall and square.
2000 Jul 24Guildford, Epping, TootingWhen you proposed this concert
2000 Jul 27B-Flat TonsilsDown in New York City is a craze that's hit the streets
2000 Jul 31It's Meadowlark LemmonIn the dead of night, lit by pale moonlight

August
2000 Aug 3Stuffed PetsFill up my brazen pockets with the water of the Loire
2000 Aug 4Icy PrivyThe green in a bluebottle's eye
2000 Aug 13Wattle Orb Brie (Summer)Whatever happened to summer?
2000 Aug 14Birthdays Passed Without MintsAugust presence or August presents, what will be thy choice?
2000 Aug 15Phyllis, My Secret SquirrelWe met in Dublin, in disguise,
2000 Aug 29Against Tintin: Yesterday And TodayWhen Friday rolls eventually around

September
2000 Sep 3Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriensSpry raindrops against a beercan tinkle
2000 Sep 11When Everest Falls SickIf ever there were time for writing poetry, 'tis now
2000 Sep 11Slander Me!I'm the child of a Red Road skyscraper.
2000 Sep 17Fondling Benedict: The Groan MatrixWhen Time has run its merry dance
2000 Sep 27Earthly SalutesPerhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand

October
2000 Oct 3My Zebra ToesThe stillness of the day, the ceaseless hum
2000 Oct 3Whose Shift Avoids Whose Pellicule?The grumpy armadillo sat in front of his computer
2000 Oct 3World One HundredIf a man shall lack a shoe
2000 Oct 11Equator ProtestTeach history slowly
2000 Oct 15Naturally We're CoughingWho comes to answer Pity's call?
2000 Oct 16Tents Erected in Plymouth Sound'Give me the buzz!' I shrieked in blunt Welsh
2000 Oct 19My Song of GlassSleep darkly in your mellow haze my love,
2000 Oct 24Integumental Teletubbies (Seventeen Hours Ago)Mine is the eggcup, yours is the hake,
2000 Oct 25Recriminations Against The Hideous NymphetIn olden days, a glimpse of Hockney
2000 Oct 30Cullington's TheoremThere, dancing on my cranium

November
2000 Nov 1Keats Knew His MindOh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts,
2000 Nov 2When Shoes Falter'Bring me a fish with a pear in its mouth!'
2000 Nov 3Bees Hover Like BeesNever, in the field behind the gasworks
2000 Nov 3Neapolitan BoreGalisha ga-galoosha
2000 Nov 3Spartan Opinions Devour Our SiblingsA pestilence, a nuisance, a wretched waste of time!
2000 Nov 6Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as CaterpillarsCostorphine was a Cuttlefish
2000 Nov 7Squeezing Another's PocketThere's no adventure that's too fanciful
2000 Nov 7Our Mutinous UkuleleSkiing down a snow-filled tunnel
2000 Nov 8Failure Threaded By ScrewsA wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court
2000 Nov 8Spanner HatredNow the fat is in the fire
2000 Nov 10Drawing-Rooms, The Only TerminusNow my charms are all o'erthrown
2000 Nov 12Beyond Any LogicIn autumn-time, a small spittoon
2000 Nov 15Glistening ObbligatosOh ripely reeking Camembert!
2000 Nov 19Though Bereft of BlossomColours anniversary
2000 Nov 21Favourite Cheese-MongersBeefy, Loaf and Costorphine all went upon a jaunt,
2000 Nov 22Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet...A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court
2000 Nov 22Exceptions That ShimmerMine is the cat that is eating your trout
2000 Nov 23Undo My StartPainting the Register Office
2000 Nov 23My goodness... my gumbootApsley wrote a novel about a small baboon
2000 Nov 23Always BlitheringWhen ducks and drakes meet late at night
2000 Nov 24Possibly Wasting My DaysLongshot: five apostles
2000 Nov 25They Vanish Soon EnoughPigmies and penguins like to dance
2000 Nov 25Stories, Confabulations and TearsBright she was
2000 Nov 25Argentina Is ImaginaryWho predates this predator
2000 Nov 25Dustbins Spilt DiamondsBrighter than the cabbages
2000 Nov 26Once Is Never Too RarelyOnce, just once, could someone let me know
2000 Nov 27Ninepenny Lithuanians - A RhapsodyCashier, change this love-note
2000 Nov 27Fantastic Tabletop Of SuctionRebuke, like gossip from the sun

December
2000 Dec 1'Destiny', Said Chastity, 'Doesn't Fulfil'Your new line will go here
2000 Dec 4Limpopo CocktailRivals, fourteen inches high,
2000 Dec 5If Sluices MatterIncas ... dreadful drinkers,
2000 Dec 5The Strangler Ripped Asunder, AsunderPerhaps a Lithuanian
2000 Dec 9Stroll Across The PierWhen Sullivan was just a lad, his father went to see
2000 Dec 13Getting to Loathe YouDinner jacket,, morning-suit
2000 Dec 14Happy Those Who Bother Not To Wash EmusNow is the time for joyful feasts
2000 Dec 15I Stagger Under Fourfold FardelsTime and again, with weary tread
2000 Dec 16Tempestuous Trousers of ThracePut yourself in your neighbour's shoes
2000 Dec 18The Ballad of the Blocked ToiletsShe wandered through the garden fence
2000 Dec 19Eagles Can Never DespairDemons of the centrifuge
2000 Dec 19Deserts East of HarwichLiving in a dream
2000 Dec 22Sundial ShinesHow about this new departure:
2000 Dec 23My Raving VirginA perfect wedding in the snow
2000 Dec 25Titograd Cathedral, Fatuous In DefeatWaltzing through the alley-way

This page was last modified by Peter Christian, November 11 2009.