The Spoonbill Generator Archive
A Golden Treasury of Collaborative Verse, 1996–2007
*** Hall of Fame — Alphabetical List of Titles — Index of First Lines — Poems by Colour
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The Spoonbill Generator ArchiveA Golden Treasury of Collaborative Verse, 1996–2007 |
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Poems by Year: 1996 -
1997 -
1998 -
1999 -
2000 -
2001 -
2002 -
2003 -
2004 -
2005 -
2006 -
2007 *** Hall of Fame — Alphabetical List of Titles — Index of First Lines — Poems by Colour | |
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Poems completed in 2000 | |||
Title | First line | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Poems open in a new window | |||
January | |||
| 2000 Jan 3 | Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic Festivities | As Christmas nears I lift my pen | |
| 2000 Jan 4 | Dome Settling Dimly | A thousand years and each one gone | |
| 2000 Jan 4 | A Formal Comeback For The New Millipede | From pyramid to penthouse | |
| 2000 Jan 5 | Melt-Down Happens Nightly | 'Well, stap me vitals!' swore William Hague: | |
| 2000 Jan 6 | Try Sucking Your Ear Under Water | When lightning strikes at midnight | |
| 2000 Jan 7 | Once Over Once Again | Three to one, three to one | |
| 2000 Jan 7 | The Margarine Heart-Throb | This divan whereupon I lie | |
| 2000 Jan 10 | The Cracked Omnipotence | Trim | |
| 2000 Jan 13 | Cloudier Mystery | Gad-about Gertrude, there she gapes | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | Barbecue Sores | Folded like a deck-chair | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | The Whatsit, Evermore | Time stands still; the bullet hangs in the air | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | New, Tidier Pixies | The stately tread of centuries has just assailed our ears | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | A Whole Inuit Tooth | Orificial | |
| 2000 Jan 15 | Such Lucky Wickedness | Fortune fattens the brave | |
| *** | 2000 Jan 18 | A Behavioural Thesis | You giants! You, who from this crag |
| 2000 Jan 18 | Cement Listlessly Poured Upon An Impostor | When Thoth was King of Bermondsey | |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Hurrah! A Pointless Stereo Pencil | The lines of life upon her face | |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Unfastening Tycho's Forbidden Bra | One has to keep one's end up, after all: | |
| 2000 Jan 22 | Turbulence in the Belfry | Respiration - who's to blame? | |
| 2000 Jan 23 | Intergalactic Journey of a Broken Cruet | The Zimmer by the garage door | |
| 2000 Jan 25 | Abandoned Frightfulness | Consumed by Lust, whose second course | |
| 2000 Jan 27 | Within No Feasible Hemisphere | Why, when death inheres within the very egg | |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Her nerveless dressing-table, regarding which | Although her skull is squat and flat | |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Weathered Wedding: The Empyrean Dust | It wasn't my intention to rebuild the world at large | |
| *** | 2000 Jan 30 | Big Custard | Warm in nutritious mulch, we germinate, |
| *** | 2000 Jan 31 | Adam's Ballooning Error | Whatever happened to darling Denise? |
| 2000 Jan 31 | Pontifex Caught Under Bridges | Though drowning in the vat, I can | |
February | |||
| 2000 Feb 1 | Advertising Plato | With cogent epigrams | |
| 2000 Feb 2 | The Superlunary Hairdryer | My skeleton, in bony dreams | |
| 2000 Feb 2 | Negative Elbow | Champion of the photograph | |
| 2000 Feb 3 | The Sun Wolf | In the tallest tree | |
| 2000 Feb 7 | Sugar Hates Recollections | 'Handle not the lesser fruit!', so spake the chieftain bold, | |
| 2000 Feb 7 | No Thinner Knot | Casually, through the wall | |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Bottomless Yachting | A plethora of penguins is rarely to be found | |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Fencing Our Glass Baby | For all your faults | |
| 2000 Feb 12 | Big Man Devours Helicopter's Emptiness | I made a little omelette with a single serpent's egg | |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Kenneth: My Monster Pilot | Cover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal! | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 13 | The Minotaur's Preserved Tears | Frugal the frog |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Dancing Peculiar | My dear Professor, listen | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 14 | Sonnet | If the prophets who foretell my life |
| 2000 Feb 15 | Binyon County: The Defective Kite | Who remembers me, Lieutenant Aubergine? | |
| 2000 Feb 15 | Sonnet | This flower that we planted long ago | |
| 2000 Feb 16 | My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By Trepanning | I sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour | |
| 2000 Feb 19 | The Yellow Singing Turncoats | Inflamed by passion and a touch of flu | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 27 | Rash Wednesday On The Grim Reeperbahn | Give me a whirl on the trampoline dull |
| 2000 Feb 29 | Apsley's Painful Direction | Arabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three | |
March | |||
| 2000 Mar 3 | Corporeal Longings: The Carrot Stick Of Appearances | The sun sinks slowly into the sea, or so it seems. | |
| 2000 Mar 6 | My Smothered Haggis | Cut away, cut away | |
| 2000 Mar 9 | Neptune's Missing Noonday Umbrellas Of Blossom | The photo showed the final phase | |
| 2000 Mar 11 | The Dismembered Thumbs | Before taking part in this scandalous hoax | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Because Foam Canisters Iridesce | She cries, that's all she ever does | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Stolen: Orville, My Disgusting Donkey | Quandary, a quandary, | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Pigment Denial | Pigment | |
| 2000 Mar 16 | Bosworth: An Ode | When cuttlefishes congregate | |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Mask of the Herald | Her sharp mouth, again, | |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Philosophers Lacking Reason | When Kierkegaard was down-at-heel | |
| 2000 Mar 18 | The Tribunal of Paradoxes | Your words will be remembered through the years | |
| 2000 Mar 20 | Angels, Whenever You Cough | Instruction none of us are free | |
| *** | 2000 Mar 20 | Discredited in Birmingham | Your bland mosaics, weak and pale |
| 2000 Mar 29 | Doglike Doings | I remember Folkestone in December | |
| 2000 Mar 31 | Sickening Ogresses Devour Octameters | Twice, beneath a battered moon | |
| 2000 Mar 31 | Vacuity's Gin Rots One's Pudenda | 'Just the place for a Snark!', the Boatman cried | |
| *** | 2000 Mar 31 | Uncle Helium Meets His Maker | He was born at a quarter to three |
April | |||
| 2000 Apr 3 | Explode, My Foot! | Give me a piece of hoary old leather! | |
| 2000 Apr 3 | Whose Other Stomach? | Underneath my Mother Tongue | |
| 2000 Apr 4 | The Cakes, The Knife | Arabella Spommit was a temptress, all allure; | |
| 2000 Apr 4 | Suction By Toothsome Lip | By dressing up in surgeon's robes | |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Fraternal Greetings To Reverend Cuticle's Oppossum | Arabella Spommit had three cousins slim and tall | |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Heather Eliot's Bottom Line | April is the cruellest month | |
| 2000 Apr 9 | My Warning Ignored | Arabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse | |
| 2000 Apr 9 | Radishes Cloned My Goat! | Arabella Spommit had a cat made out of cheese | |
| 2000 Apr 10 | Are Like | If you were an ape, what kind would you be? | |
| *** | 2000 Apr 10 | Round/Arabesque | Do not cry, my darling, do not cry |
| 2000 Apr 10 | To The Goatherds | When asked to choose an Antipope | |
| 2000 Apr 11 | Fleeing Another Bloody Tuesday | Is this all | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Waves, Water Under | If you were an ape, what kind would you be? | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Bacon Vortex | I woke to find the world undone | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Your Undoing | By portents, like the sun's eclipse | |
| 2000 Apr 17 | The Callously-Burnt Marathon | Like this sample of elation | |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Felicity Kendall's Lovely Armpits | When you said you were my friend | |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Picture This, My Chatelaine | Rembrandt, on his better days, | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Slithy Again | 'Twas brillig and the coach and four | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Holding Nigella Lawson's Python | Whenas April with his sweet showers | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | My Undoing | When I was young and fancy free | |
May | |||
| 2000 May 1 | Abhorrent Paradises | A silver bird, set in a leaden sky | |
| 2000 May 1 | When We Got Bob Plastered... | Now I am old, and in men's eyes I see | |
| 2000 May 2 | Our Nose, Once Bitten | The great thing about the verse compositions of Ogden Nash | |
| 2000 May 3 | Universal Generalisations Are Tiresome | The chief delight of Roland Rat | |
| 2000 May 3 | My Nightly Righteous Ferment | I think that I shall never see | |
| 2000 May 7 | Businessmen Halting Overhead | Give me some glue in pot coloured blue | |
| 2000 May 8 | Endlessly Transitory | When my Doppelganger calls | |
| 2000 May 8 | My Articulate Cucumber Says | Teasing and tempting is naughty Nanette | |
| 2000 May 9 | I'm Pitifully Happy Wherever There Are Spoonbills | My life is like an open road (yes, people walk on me) | |
| 2000 May 10 | Three Dodgy Hamsters, Always Gardening! | Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine! | |
| 2000 May 11 | Alone With Another Fool | I'm afraid he is addicted to collaborative verse | |
| 2000 May 11 | Surely it behoves us to grant... | In Istanbul | |
| 2000 May 14 | Ramsgate Station (1066) | When mice attack a quarter-back | |
| 2000 May 14 | In Africa, Hoplessly Lost | We don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand | |
| 2000 May 15 | Drinking Electricity (Sonnet) | One sonnet is too short to tell the charms | |
| 2000 May 15 | Fingering Second Every Town | While blotting my escutcheon | |
| 2000 May 15 | Essay - Let's Not | It's a terrible start to a poem | |
| 2000 May 15 | Wake! Capitulate! | I had a small Etruscan | |
| 2000 May 16 | Embezzlement | When Ogden Nash ran out of cash | |
| 2000 May 16 | Unless They Get Mistresses | Sweet nymph, though thou art ever im my dreams | |
| 2000 May 16 | Matters Heretical | In Spring | |
| 2000 May 17 | Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On Speed | My mind's eye, all in sepia | |
| 2000 May 17 | My French Bananas Of Unbounded Magnificence | When teaching Granny to suck eggs | |
| 2000 May 18 | Polemic Polarity | Hamstrung by a woollen noose | |
| 2000 May 22 | Plangent Daily Wailing | Cadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow | |
| 2000 May 22 | The Puissance In American Adverbs | The cake of opportunity must be eaten whilst it's fresh | |
| 2000 May 23 | Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedral | The cards were dealt, and in my hand | |
| 2000 May 23 | Hengist's coming to get you, Horsa | In Persia's lands, there is a wisp that terrifies the priests. | |
| 2000 May 24 | Anti-Dandruff Cornflakes | A kangaroo I used to know | |
| 2000 May 24 | She Wasn't Waving But His Trousers Were | She was poor but she was honest | |
| 2000 May 24 | Is My Navel Growing? | What is that great black bird I see? | |
| 2000 May 29 | Under the Adriatic | In the darkness of the night | |
| 2000 May 29 | Off Ovary Street | What baby spurns the cattle-grid | |
| 2000 May 30 | Duck Soup Stories | When Duck and Gerbil went adventuring | |
| 2000 May 30 | Cautiously Urging, Redundantly Purging | If my ardour flickers | |
June | |||
| 2000 Jun 1 | Jesus With Underdone Omelette | In this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom | |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Bangles in Temptation | As the bland computer whines | |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Never, Scarcely Ever | Give me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | That's That Over With | In the beginning was the Herd: | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Goats Cannae Knit | There was a young man from Kilbride | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly | I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees | |
| 2000 Jun 7 | The Tomato Points West | I like carrots in the spring-time | |
| 2000 Jun 8 | Courtly Like The Dancing Cobra | My brides lined up in order | |
| 2000 Jun 9 | Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh! | There was a young man from Kilbride | |
| 2000 Jun 9 | When It's When | An addictive personality | |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Our Ugliest Newly-Weds Disgust Me | A feast of fumes, a feast of fumes | |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Lemmings Explode When Roped To Dynamite | Please help me grease my hamster said the Queen | |
| 2000 Jun 13 | To Hypnotise Badgers Bereft Of Discretion | Across the hills a cry rang out: | |
| 2000 Jun 13 | We Falter, Our Falling Too Facile | Whose is the hand that eats my head? | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Sparklingly Devoid Of Interest | What is a thruttock? questioned Sam | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Bragging About Semi-colons | If only | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Give It Some Welly Now! | To think of bursting as a chore | |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Nevertheless, Nuke the French | Each time I use the word 'defer' | |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Vacuum Cleaners Constructed Entirely Out Of Anabaptist Dogma | A rabid armadillo with a beanbag on its head | |
| 2000 Jun 23 | Unseen Behind Ourselves Again | Away on the heather'd down | |
| 2000 Jun 25 | Underneath The Forest Wall | Calypso, on her vaulting-horse | |
| 2000 Jun 26 | Butcher's Lament On Nothing | What sort of dog is this? I hear you ask | |
| 2000 Jun 29 | Eggs And Artillery | The gambler folds his hand and sets his gaze | |
July | |||
| 2000 Jul 6 | How Large Is Tina's Dinosaur? | I once asked Uncle Herbert | |
| 2000 Jul 10 | Totally Dissimilar Sausages (With Mustard) | As I was walking all alone | |
| 2000 Jul 11 | Henderson's Decline | 'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked | |
| 2000 Jul 18 | Her Promiscuity Made Good | Shall I compare thee to a coach and four? | |
| 2000 Jul 22 | Mr Stilton Stalks The Underground | As I was going up the stair, I met a froglet tall and square. | |
| 2000 Jul 24 | Guildford, Epping, Tooting | When you proposed this concert | |
| 2000 Jul 27 | B-Flat Tonsils | Down in New York City is a craze that's hit the streets | |
| 2000 Jul 31 | It's Meadowlark Lemmon | In the dead of night, lit by pale moonlight | |
August | |||
| 2000 Aug 3 | Stuffed Pets | Fill up my brazen pockets with the water of the Loire | |
| 2000 Aug 4 | Icy Privy | The green in a bluebottle's eye | |
| 2000 Aug 13 | Wattle Orb Brie (Summer) | Whatever happened to summer? | |
| 2000 Aug 14 | Birthdays Passed Without Mints | August presence or August presents, what will be thy choice? | |
| 2000 Aug 15 | Phyllis, My Secret Squirrel | We met in Dublin, in disguise, | |
| 2000 Aug 29 | Against Tintin: Yesterday And Today | When Friday rolls eventually around | |
September | |||
| 2000 Sep 3 | Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriens | Spry raindrops against a beercan tinkle | |
| 2000 Sep 11 | When Everest Falls Sick | If ever there were time for writing poetry, 'tis now | |
| 2000 Sep 11 | Slander Me! | I'm the child of a Red Road skyscraper. | |
| 2000 Sep 17 | Fondling Benedict: The Groan Matrix | When Time has run its merry dance | |
| 2000 Sep 27 | Earthly Salutes | Perhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand | |
October | |||
| 2000 Oct 3 | My Zebra Toes | The stillness of the day, the ceaseless hum | |
| 2000 Oct 3 | Whose Shift Avoids Whose Pellicule? | The grumpy armadillo sat in front of his computer | |
| *** | 2000 Oct 3 | World One Hundred | If a man shall lack a shoe |
| 2000 Oct 11 | Equator Protest | Teach history slowly | |
| 2000 Oct 15 | Naturally We're Coughing | Who comes to answer Pity's call? | |
| 2000 Oct 16 | Tents Erected in Plymouth Sound | 'Give me the buzz!' I shrieked in blunt Welsh | |
| 2000 Oct 19 | My Song of Glass | Sleep darkly in your mellow haze my love, | |
| 2000 Oct 24 | Integumental Teletubbies (Seventeen Hours Ago) | Mine is the eggcup, yours is the hake, | |
| 2000 Oct 25 | Recriminations Against The Hideous Nymphet | In olden days, a glimpse of Hockney | |
| 2000 Oct 30 | Cullington's Theorem | There, dancing on my cranium | |
November | |||
| 2000 Nov 1 | Keats Knew His Mind | Oh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts, | |
| 2000 Nov 2 | When Shoes Falter | 'Bring me a fish with a pear in its mouth!' | |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Bees Hover Like Bees | Never, in the field behind the gasworks | |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Neapolitan Bore | Galisha ga-galoosha | |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Spartan Opinions Devour Our Siblings | A pestilence, a nuisance, a wretched waste of time! | |
| 2000 Nov 6 | Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as Caterpillars | Costorphine was a Cuttlefish | |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Squeezing Another's Pocket | There's no adventure that's too fanciful | |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Our Mutinous Ukulele | Skiing down a snow-filled tunnel | |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Failure Threaded By Screws | A wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court | |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Spanner Hatred | Now the fat is in the fire | |
| 2000 Nov 10 | Drawing-Rooms, The Only Terminus | Now my charms are all o'erthrown | |
| 2000 Nov 12 | Beyond Any Logic | In autumn-time, a small spittoon | |
| 2000 Nov 15 | Glistening Obbligatos | Oh ripely reeking Camembert! | |
| 2000 Nov 19 | Though Bereft of Blossom | Colours anniversary | |
| 2000 Nov 21 | Favourite Cheese-Mongers | Beefy, Loaf and Costorphine all went upon a jaunt, | |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet... | A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court | |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Exceptions That Shimmer | Mine is the cat that is eating your trout | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | Undo My Start | Painting the Register Office | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | My goodness... my gumboot | Apsley wrote a novel about a small baboon | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | Always Blithering | When ducks and drakes meet late at night | |
| 2000 Nov 24 | Possibly Wasting My Days | Longshot: five apostles | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | They Vanish Soon Enough | Pigmies and penguins like to dance | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Stories, Confabulations and Tears | Bright she was | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Argentina Is Imaginary | Who predates this predator | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Dustbins Spilt Diamonds | Brighter than the cabbages | |
| 2000 Nov 26 | Once Is Never Too Rarely | Once, just once, could someone let me know | |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Ninepenny Lithuanians - A Rhapsody | Cashier, change this love-note | |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Fantastic Tabletop Of Suction | Rebuke, like gossip from the sun | |
December | |||
| 2000 Dec 1 | 'Destiny', Said Chastity, 'Doesn't Fulfil' | Your new line will go here | |
| 2000 Dec 4 | Limpopo Cocktail | Rivals, fourteen inches high, | |
| 2000 Dec 5 | If Sluices Matter | Incas ... dreadful drinkers, | |
| 2000 Dec 5 | The Strangler Ripped Asunder, Asunder | Perhaps a Lithuanian | |
| 2000 Dec 9 | Stroll Across The Pier | When Sullivan was just a lad, his father went to see | |
| 2000 Dec 13 | Getting to Loathe You | Dinner jacket,, morning-suit | |
| 2000 Dec 14 | Happy Those Who Bother Not To Wash Emus | Now is the time for joyful feasts | |
| 2000 Dec 15 | I Stagger Under Fourfold Fardels | Time and again, with weary tread | |
| 2000 Dec 16 | Tempestuous Trousers of Thrace | Put yourself in your neighbour's shoes | |
| 2000 Dec 18 | The Ballad of the Blocked Toilets | She wandered through the garden fence | |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Eagles Can Never Despair | Demons of the centrifuge | |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Deserts East of Harwich | Living in a dream | |
| 2000 Dec 22 | Sundial Shines | How about this new departure: | |
| 2000 Dec 23 | My Raving Virgin | A perfect wedding in the snow | |
| 2000 Dec 25 | Titograd Cathedral, Fatuous In Defeat | Waltzing through the alley-way | |