|
Poem: The Blue Poem | |
| | Title | First line |
| 1996 Jun 1 | This Gastronomical Headboard | I have it in mind to purchase a pie |
| 1996 Jul 1 | Voluntary Pith | Barquentine of Arkansas, the dismal oaf here, |
| 1996 Sep 5 | Undeniably Awash | Zernebock howls. |
| 1996 Nov 12 | Blow-torch Conquests | Neither of the archetypes was very much in vogue |
| 1996 Nov 28 | Frisson | What I say is seldom what I mean, |
| 1996 Dec 10 | Shakespearean Temptation | Fourteen tubes of toothpaste mark my grave |
| 1996 Dec 15 | Soar, churlish repetiteur! | Day breaks like a condor's egg |
| 1996 Dec 24 | The Furnishing Witches, or Lucy's Festive Wager | Wit of pig and limb of bat |
| 1997 Jan 4 | My Favorite Plunderings | 'Twas a frothy foam upon the wake |
| 1997 Jan 12 | My Ingot Balloon | Translations of ancient words, |
| 1997 Jan 26 | Whipped Blood Pudding Regrets | I never met a sailor who could sing |
| 1997 Feb 2 | Hanging (Tidal) | Key of diamonds, tempest |
| 1997 Feb 6 | Aphorisms for Unseen Swine | A kiss and a cuddle |
*** | 1997 Feb 19 | Invisible Sandwiches - The Tiresome Beginnings | She found the smoothest stone, |
| 1997 Feb 28 | More Paraffin for my PerpetualApprentice | The sun and moon kiss in the light of day |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Perpetual Nestled Teacups | It's not my cup of tea |
| 1997 Mar 18 | Albert Questions The Benighted Cauliflower | What tremor racks my boneless foot? |
| 1997 Mar 30 | Lifeless Sheds | We were down to obsolete zero |
| 1997 Apr 17 | Toxic Fishpudding Blues | Blue notes pour from the sax in the corner |
| 1997 May 12 | The Implacable Syphon | The shadow cabinet-maker |
| 1997 Jun 7 | Fifteen Oblique Whiskers | A table of kinship for all the world's cats |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Why Force Can Rescue Folly | Feeling queasy, turning green |
| 1997 Jul 9 | One Last Later | Betrayed! The voyeur's curtain |
| 1997 Jul 30 | Surplus Penguins | Burn my Waiting-List |
| 1997 Sep 8 | Can poignant rubbish be reliable? | This is the way the lady rides |
| 1997 Sep 18 | The Pan Holds Mixed Croutons | The doctrine of a shining spoon |
| 1997 Oct 7 | Yes, Longer | Now the tyrant knows the truth |
| 1997 Nov 6 | Michaelangelo's Lewd Little Brother | Frequently, my brother speaks |
| 1997 Nov 22 | "Tomorrowismybirthday" cried Katharine's Wedding | Pile a hailstone on a hailstone |
| 1997 Dec 9 | Breakfasting Traditionally | An arbitrary asp might say, |
| 1997 Dec 14 | Of Struggling Poets and Pious Days | A ghastly mismeasure of woman, |
*** | 1997 Dec 28 | Swimming While Drowned | Who were the Bewlay Sisters |
| 1998 Jan 21 | Maybe Mercury Speaks | Scared of every footfall |
| 1998 Jan 30 | Music, Unless... | While I was walking my dog on the moon |
| 1998 Feb 9 | The Moon Promises My Friend an Apricot | Bind me to a broken bench |
| 1998 Feb 17 | Borrowing Twilight | Come, Luggage! There's a curious world I'm longing to explore |
| 1998 Feb 26 | Gossamer Binary Cheesburger | Perhaps it was something I said, |
| 1998 Mar 2 | Jesus pondering a delightful catachresis | Beneath the tea tree sits the gnome, |
| 1998 Mar 9 | No Parsley for Matilda's Fruitcake | By chance, are you going my way? |
| 1998 Mar 13 | Arnold, Waiting | Surely Godot should be here by now, |
| 1998 Mar 17 | Only Ingrid Soothes This Eyeball | Your cobwebs (your cosmetics) |
| 1998 Mar 21 | Zimmerman's Sour Grapes | My lamp-post charm, my seventh life |
| 1998 Mar 31 | Witness My Self-important Bitumen | When syrup happens to congeal |
| 1998 Apr 24 | Alice's Adventures in the Improbability Pie | Alice threw the looking-glass |
| 1998 May 2 | Once We Devoured Magma | At last I have the chance to spread my wings and versify |
| 1998 May 9 | Benedict the Monstrous Toadstool | Behind each King or potentate |
| 1998 Jun 3 | Nine Beatles Glimpsing Salvation | There was, perhaps, a waving arm, |
| 1998 Jun 7 | The mystified Walrus construction | Unpredictable grammar, |
| 1998 Jun 30 | Bedazzled by Our Daphne's Pebbledash | Flying at thirty-eight times the speed of sound |
| 1998 Jul 21 | Behind Every Grimacing Badger... | Kropotkin claimed that all he saw |
*** | 1998 Aug 7 | Theory Comes Later | One: a sponge, of medium girth |
| 1998 Aug 10 | Beyond Anatomical Possibilities | If, halfway down the basement stairs, |
| 1998 Sep 30 | Shirley's Dancing Socks (or Ellen's) | Socks! My red socks, |
| 1998 Oct 24 | Caroline Rembrandt Remembered Backwards | Buckets of mud and acres of slime are all that I need |
| 1998 Nov 23 | Coat-Hanger Equity | Scorn these still-born architects |
| 1998 Dec 11 | Puberty with Cheeseburger | Of course |
| 1999 Jan 5 | Cherubic Implant in My Succubus | Lazy day, bowl o' porridge before me |
| 1999 Jan 7 | All But There | There's a THERE there all right |
| 1999 Jan 11 | Cyber-Pogrom | Give me a goat and a piece of old rope and I walk right along to the fair |
| 1999 Jan 18 | Is of Night | The smiles I get when I dance around the bar |
| 1999 Jan 22 | Zen Catfood | Calm throat fortune |
| 1999 Jan 25 | Very East Nineveh | By dint of subtle mime |
| 1999 Jan 26 | Walk, don't sniffle and you won't get it | When I was walking this I saw: |
| 1999 Jan 30 | Earth Telegram | A shrew without wings |
| 1999 Feb 2 | Ferdinand's Elm | A grey seal, with grace of an eel |
| 1999 Feb 8 | The Helicopter's Plenitude | Triceratops, my maiden aunt |
| 1999 Feb 11 | Blemishes | I never saw a clean sweep |
| 1999 Feb 15 | Forever Strontium | Plug me in a catheter if there are any left |
| 1999 Feb 20 | Naked Globe | Rosemary...comfrey... cammomile tea, |
| 1999 Mar 1 | Colditz Rhythm | Hellespont and Hecuba were walking down the street |
| 1999 Mar 8 | Blamirog's Prophetic Landfall | Blamirog was wondering about the Blessed Isle |
| 1999 Mar 20 | Cessations in Cocktail-Waitressing | Catastrophe has happened on a scale that Pride forbids |
| 1999 Apr 4 | A Dire Tenderness | Never deny that I warned you |
| 1999 Apr 9 | Easter Greetings | Resurrection! |
| 1999 Apr 15 | Uncle Gomez's Dinosaur Eggs | Acres of acrid slime do not make a garden |
| 1999 Apr 23 | Wizened Thoughts for Yesterdays' Leak | Tesseracts were falling as if falling were the rage |
| 1999 Apr 24 | Unwound wherries aloft | Calesthenic interprobes are launched into the Sun |
| 1999 May 18 | Further from the Beatiful Foot | The rate of completion increases |
| 1999 May 30 | Zinc Oxide Alarum | When Hydrogen confounded Zinc |
| 1999 Jun 17 | Remember My Helicopter? | Never in the history of this our Mother Earth |
| 1999 Aug 6 | For My Bunny Rabbit | 'Give me back my arquebus!', cried Randolph Great the Third |
| 1999 Aug 23 | Full Confession for the Titans | Pay up! Pay up! It's not a game, you know |
| 1999 Sep 6 | Hugo Onerous (Episode1) | Where, oh where is the Phantom Menace |
| 1999 Sep 28 | Banana Wapentakes | How hairy is my nose, do you suppose? |
| 1999 Oct 14 | Ahab Still Got Those Almighty Moonshine Blues | All dressed up and nowhere to go |
| 1999 Oct 25 | Map of the Primitive Song | Sleep, curly savage, on the forest floor. |
*** | 1999 Nov 1 | Over-baked blossom | Now listen, please. I've brought you here |
| 1999 Nov 12 | Fermenting the Woman from the Surgery | Achilles stole my hobby-horse |
| 1999 Nov 23 | The Herrings' Adieu (Striding Akimbo) | Mortar, crust of lies |
*** | 1999 Dec 1 | Stacy's Fading Cardigan | The autumn leaves |
| 1999 Dec 14 | Thinking Allowed | I think that I shall never see |
| 2000 Jan 3 | Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic Festivities | As Christmas nears I lift my pen |
| 2000 Jan 6 | Try Sucking Your Ear Under Water | When lightning strikes at midnight |
| 2000 Jan 10 | The Cracked Omnipotence | Trim |
| 2000 Jan 14 | The Whatsit, Evermore | Time stands still; the bullet hangs in the air |
*** | 2000 Jan 18 | A Behavioural Thesis | You giants! You, who from this crag |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Unfastening Tycho's Forbidden Bra | One has to keep one's end up, after all: |
| 2000 Jan 22 | Turbulence in the Belfry | Respiration - who's to blame? |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Weathered Wedding: The Empyrean Dust | It wasn't my intention to rebuild the world at large |
| 2000 Feb 2 | The Superlunary Hairdryer | My skeleton, in bony dreams |
| 2000 Feb 7 | No Thinner Knot | Casually, through the wall |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Kenneth: My Monster Pilot | Cover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal! |
| 2000 Feb 16 | My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By Trepanning | I sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour |
| 2000 Feb 29 | Apsley's Painful Direction | Arabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three |
| 2000 Mar 11 | The Dismembered Thumbs | Before taking part in this scandalous hoax |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Because Foam Canisters Iridesce | She cries, that's all she ever does |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Philosophers Lacking Reason | When Kierkegaard was down-at-heel |
| 2000 Mar 18 | The Tribunal of Paradoxes | Your words will be remembered through the years |
| 2000 Apr 3 | Explode, My Foot! | Give me a piece of hoary old leather! |
| 2000 Apr 9 | My Warning Ignored | Arabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse |
*** | 2000 Apr 10 | Round/Arabesque | Do not cry, my darling, do not cry |
| 2000 Apr 11 | Fleeing Another Bloody Tuesday | Is this all |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Bacon Vortex | I woke to find the world undone |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Your Undoing | By portents, like the sun's eclipse |
| 2000 Apr 17 | The Callously-Burnt Marathon | Like this sample of elation |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Slithy Again | 'Twas brillig and the coach and four |
| 2000 May 8 | My Articulate Cucumber Says | Teasing and tempting is naughty Nanette |
| 2000 May 14 | In Africa, Hoplessly Lost | We don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand |
| 2000 May 15 | Fingering Second Every Town | While blotting my escutcheon |
| 2000 May 16 | Embezzlement | When Ogden Nash ran out of cash |
| 2000 May 16 | Matters Heretical | In Spring |
| 2000 May 17 | Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On Speed | My mind's eye, all in sepia |
| 2000 May 18 | Polemic Polarity | Hamstrung by a woollen noose |
| 2000 May 22 | Plangent Daily Wailing | Cadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow |
| 2000 May 24 | Anti-Dandruff Cornflakes | A kangaroo I used to know |
| 2000 May 30 | Cautiously Urging, Redundantly Purging | If my ardour flickers |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Jesus With Underdone Omelette | In this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly | I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees |
| 2000 Jun 9 | Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh! | There was a young man from Kilbride |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Lemmings Explode When Roped To Dynamite | Please help me grease my hamster said the Queen |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Give It Some Welly Now! | To think of bursting as a chore |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Vacuum Cleaners Constructed Entirely Out Of Anabaptist Dogma | A rabid armadillo with a beanbag on its head |
| 2000 Jun 26 | Butcher's Lament On Nothing | What sort of dog is this? I hear you ask |
| 2000 Jul 11 | Henderson's Decline | 'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked |
| 2000 Jul 24 | Guildford, Epping, Tooting | When you proposed this concert |
| 2000 Aug 4 | Icy Privy | The green in a bluebottle's eye |
| 2000 Aug 13 | Wattle Orb Brie (Summer) | Whatever happened to summer? |
| 2000 Sep 3 | Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriens | Spry raindrops against a beercan tinkle |
| 2000 Sep 27 | Earthly Salutes | Perhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand |
| 2000 Oct 19 | My Song of Glass | Sleep darkly in your mellow haze my love, |
| 2000 Oct 30 | Cullington's Theorem | There, dancing on my cranium |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Neapolitan Bore | Galisha ga-galoosha |
| 2000 Nov 6 | Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as Caterpillars | Costorphine was a Cuttlefish |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Our Mutinous Ukulele | Skiing down a snow-filled tunnel |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Failure Threaded By Screws | A wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet... | A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Stories, Confabulations and Tears | Bright she was |
| 2000 Dec 9 | Stroll Across The Pier | When Sullivan was just a lad, his father went to see |
| 2000 Dec 16 | Tempestuous Trousers of Thrace | Put yourself in your neighbour's shoes |
| 2000 Dec 22 | Sundial Shines | How about this new departure: |
| 2001 Jan 6 | Finnegan's Ascending Nostril | Alphabetic poetry often can |
| 2001 Jan 8 | Brothers in Canberra | The kangaroos are at the aquarium? |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Going off the Boil | If love cannot foretell the past |
| 2001 Jan 15 | Making Nuns | Sheila was my first love, and she was just a hake |
| 2001 Jan 17 | I, Diamond Jim | Thumb screws , finger nails |
| 2001 Jan 24 | Unhappy Stampede | Now, here's a story |
| 2001 Feb 2 | The Truth Beyond Ginger | Whipping in ocean tides and winds of the Sicak peninsula |
| 2001 Feb 3 | Birds - So? | Those onomatopoeic words |
| 2001 Feb 8 | Geometry Crawls Nightwards | Their shop lay in a triangle |
| 2001 Mar 25 | Conquer the Bandits of Love! | Remembrance is a form of rhubarb |
| 2001 Apr 13 | Hook Performance | In the deepest part of the pool |
| 2001 Apr 24 | Billiards, or Might My Love Be Undying? | Bianca grabbed me by the throat, and said I was a little stoat: |
| 2001 May 14 | Flange Matrix - Paradise Of The Stars | Bubbles float up grassy-treed slopes |
| 2001 May 23 | Palace Challenge to the Party | It's a noble bird, is your gannet |
| 2001 Jun 6 | Dali's Uncle's Duckpond of Filth | In an old ball of string |
| 2001 Jun 19 | Tennyson's Elbow Transplant | I glanced upon your book last night - |
| 2001 Jun 29 | Tooth Drill In Sandwich Town | When rank delusion soils the mind |
| 2001 Jul 20 | Misspelt Youth Syndrome | A saucer of sour milk for my companion! |
| 2001 Jul 27 | Surprise Ending | A lamb-chop once asked me |
| 2001 Aug 7 | Mutable, Suitable, Inscrutable | Hidboult was a wanderer |
| 2001 Aug 9 | The Oyster Interval | In the palace of my mind, a lonely spirit walks. |
*** | 2001 Aug 12 | Noah often said that it was lucky to stick herrings to trees | The rain poured down; the waters rose, |
| 2001 Aug 18 | Forget Neptune | Trumpets are green |
| 2001 Sep 5 | My Mendacious Honey | I lie to you always, as sugar to spice |
| 2001 Sep 6 | Browsing Police | When to the summons I brought my fist |
| 2001 Sep 13 | Occasionally I Have Fallen Ill | When I was living with an elk |
| 2001 Sep 26 | A Pleonastic Admirer of Superfluous Nuns | The men in Berlin are terribly thin |
| 2001 Oct 1 | Our Northern Weeds Notwithstanding | Outside the gates of Swindon |
| 2001 Oct 5 | The Warped Toboggan (Auden Medal Awarded Posthumouly) | In the burrows of the Nightmare |
| 2001 Oct 5 | Who to Blame? | Would you like to be a Womble? |
| 2001 Oct 8 | Immer mit Einheit | When Apsley dreams of Arabella Spommit, |
| 2001 Oct 10 | Saved By The Old Handbags Again | Architecture! Drifting slow |
| 2001 Oct 16 | Disused Mouse | Teal creeps |
| 2001 Oct 31 | Bartók's Drawing-Room | In a dream, I bit off my boss's leg |
| 2001 Nov 12 | Slice My Sausage Thinly, Samantha | When I was young and fancy free |
| 2001 Nov 16 | Unknown in Civilised Combat | Forests crash about my ears |
| 2001 Dec 7 | Skywards in Epping's Impenetrable Parkland | 'I hear you have a speaker-phone' |
| 2001 Dec 10 | Stolen Kissograms in Ketchup | Such is cockaleekie, |
| 2001 Dec 11 | Unnecessary Tits | In Narnia, the earthworms say, |
| 2001 Dec 14 | Other Presentiments of Scoutmasters from Bothnia | Remembering his empty purse |
| 2001 Dec 23 | Noontide Passion | The drips from his ten-gallon hat |
| 2002 Jan 2 | Lately Confused Shirts | As he jumped from the peak of the mountain of Slibb |
| 2002 Jan 3 | Mackenzie is Certainly Faster | All the lonely people |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Diaspora With Noodles | Now is the time for Algood men |
| 2002 Jan 9 | The Reborn Tuna Despair for Mayonnaise | 'Twas on a moonsoaked midnight |
| 2002 Jan 14 | Benign Impostures | This egg, which sank in mercury, |
| 2002 Jan 17 | Dewdrop Whack, Martini Later... | The blancmange spoke, in rhyming couplets, |
| 2002 Jan 31 | Crying Again | Don't give me your usual whinge! |
| 2002 Feb 4 | Silently Fabulous | Glutinous grist is my dish of the day, |
| 2002 Feb 7 | 69 Servants | The artichoke eyed the chili pepper with murderous contempt |
| 2002 Feb 22 | Any child can puke Beethoven's last minuet | The trouser-press is waiting for |
| 2002 Mar 5 | When You Dangle Your Sister in Alabaster | I wandered lonely, as a clod |
| 2002 Mar 13 | Menu, Unaware of Lurking | I can't abide a burnt-up pie |
| 2002 Mar 15 | Thus Spake the Dingo Baker | A thimble, filled with tepid brine |
| 2002 Mar 20 | Revenge of the Defecating Cutlery | Cuttlebone, my next of kin |
| 2002 Mar 22 | Dubious Factory | When, in the night, I start to doubt |
| 2002 Apr 2 | Schrödinger Blue | Gusts and mists are just the stuff of dreams... |
| 2002 Apr 4 | Hannibal's Eggcup | Faint amalgam, fashioned quite |
| 2002 Apr 11 | Caesar and the Suprise Chicken | When no Esquimau obtains |
| 2002 Apr 24 | Begone! Said The League of Ostriches | When first I woke upon this day, |
| 2002 Apr 28 | Whenever Sacrifice Demands | Such anger; incoherent rage |
| 2002 May 1 | Big, Dangerous Camel | A feather riding high upon a wave of breeze |
| 2002 May 9 | Flood-plain Eembargoes | Once upon a greyhound dreary, |
| 2002 May 13 | Mr Leather Roasted Little Squid | What dire offence from am'rous causes springs |
| 2002 May 15 | My Helium Pancakes Notwithstanding | When I consider how my light is spent, |
| 2002 May 20 | Wood-daemon, Guide Me South! | The bittern is a curious bird, according to the sage |
| 2002 May 27 | TV Chasm and Clitoral Yawning | Might I dream once more? Of russet dawns and clouds? |
| 2002 May 31 | Just Icing the Mind | I love the sound of ice cubes when |
| 2002 Jun 28 | Squirrel-bitten, the Similes Decay | My love is like a rushing stream, of vigour full and free, |
| 2002 Jul 10 | During Gordon's Last Gloaming | Apostles of the menopause |
| 2002 Jul 17 | Lent Without Sister Amelia | A slice of cake, soaked in madeira, |
| 2002 Jul 18 | These are Vagaries | Oh, why solicit further scorn |
| 2002 Jul 23 | Mouldy, They Said | That artichoke they gave me |
| 2002 Jul 24 | Unlikely Bovine Dreams | I sent a message - to an elk? |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Dark of Wanton | Know how the filbert leaps |
| 2002 Jul 29 | Abigail | On Thames' Embankment, bright spring day |
| 2002 Aug 8 | Transplant for Triplets (Under Local Anaesthetic) | The funny thing is, remarked Smith |
| 2002 Aug 16 | Stupid Polar | The rain it raineth every day |
| 2002 Aug 30 | Artem and I | Accipiters offend her by slaying unborn lepus |
| 2002 Sep 10 | Side-Salad Mechanisms | As the world wheels it way around the sky |
| 2002 Sep 23 | Sharing Lulu's Breakfast | Guile ... beyond its main intent, |
| 2002 Oct 1 | Conference for Solo Banjo | I sent a parcel trhough the post? |
| 2002 Oct 2 | Grappling infrequently with the engine-driver's antibodies | These comedy moths |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Not Lovers | Ventriloquists with salmonella |
| 2002 Oct 3 | This Lunch-Box of Fate | When toast-eating poets have eaten their fill |
| 2002 Oct 4 | The Victorian Philistines | The entire world is as a foreign place |
| 2002 Oct 14 | Laconic as Pestilence | Marge sees not her hem's afire, |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Telephone in a Wishing Well | I woke up this morning as blue as your eyes |
| 2002 Oct 29 | Dali's Baby Next Time | The vandal! I dread |
| 2002 Oct 31 | Raptures of Our Lady Bromide | Let her curl up and sleep on the railway |
| 2002 Nov 5 | Queen Adelaide's Shapely Bozos | Twas' once the perfect time for wrath, |
| 2002 Nov 12 | A Fourth Shortcake Detector | Continuous as the sharks that dine |
| 2002 Nov 12 | The Submarine Horizons | A biscuit and a cup of tea |
| 2002 Nov 19 | My No Nonsense Dream | A Roland and an Oliver! |
| 2002 Nov 22 | Sing for Switzerland, Salesperson! | Blue Degrees or Royal Arch, in time, |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Cactus Mothering | The lawn was laid |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Bluebells for Another Day | Behold the poet, in her shack! |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Digging Around The Graveyard | For once a poem with no drawn-out themes |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Chutney Feathers | Without my knife and apron, |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Phenomenology for Carrots | My philosophy is very clear |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Judith, A Polynomial | In my glass kimono |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Hugo's Goats | Hideous smells |
| 2002 Dec 5 | Knowing About Astromancy | My new Gemini space-craft leaks |
| 2002 Dec 9 | Tendencies (Lapsed) | Who pollutes the Muses |
| 2002 Dec 10 | Ho, Whoreson Pimp! | The alphabet should be curtailed: |
| 2002 Dec 12 | Venezuelans and Their Hated Sisters | Christmas gloom is coming soon |
| 2002 Dec 15 | Chocolate Elvis During Sessions | Oh! My sombrero is the finest, |
| 2002 Dec 27 | Where are Nelson's Aubergines? | I put my trousers in the press |
| 2003 Jan 2 | Alexandrian Wish Warrior | Upon a star I wished one day |
| 2003 Jan 8 | Gloves of Careful Nutmeg | Like rising, having slept for years, |
| 2003 Jan 10 | With Alewife Entwined | 'My suspenders came from France...', the naughty minx confessed, |
| 2003 Jan 22 | What Are Flemish Trousers? | Astride the edge of any knife |
| 2003 Jan 23 | Ferocious Nightgowns | In dread of the foe |
| 2003 Jan 24 | Orfeo The Ineluctable | As lame as a fish |
| 2003 Jan 29 | Autocratic Penitent | Sailing down the seventh stream |
| 2003 Feb 5 | Herring Orphans of All Totnes | How horrid is the elephant |
| 2003 Feb 20 | First Downtime | Emollient, conciliatory, I ventured |
| 2003 Mar 11 | Mountainous Piques | What God did on the seventh day |
| 2003 Mar 18 | Hidden By Hygiene Fairies | If only these kids knew what I |
| 2003 Mar 20 | Broken SmARTISTS | It be not hard to speaketh like the Bard |
| 2003 Apr 9 | When Did Gingersnaps Vanish From Human Knowledge? | I took a penguin on the tram |
| 2003 Apr 17 | Carefulness Begets Sincerity | A poem's frail corpse is like a tree |
| 2003 May 1 | Looters | Alas! The Golden Treasury has been looted |
| 2003 May 10 | Pugna Porcorum | I put lobsters in her sock drawer |
| 2003 May 15 | Succulent Retching | Complacent as the Minotaur |
| 2003 Jun 5 | Spin-doctors Confused | There's too little gristle and not enough fat |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Necessary foreign horrors | I trimmed that lean bazooka |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Another Darwin | An airworthy albatross alights atop an arch |
| 2003 Jun 19 | The Ocelot Tirade | Respectable he's surely not |
| 2003 Jun 20 | For an Unknown Frog | The semi thrummed o'er seams in the open road |
| 2003 Jun 21 | Test Our Mutual Felicity with Unguents | His brain slightly mangled from mid-term exams |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Pig Lint Hit | My blog is narcissistic, though its readers, voyeuristic, |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Telling Tales of Mother's Bullseye | You shouldn't keep an apple |
| 2003 Jun 23 | If You Could Falter | The glamour of a teaspoon |
| 2003 Jun 23 | The Mistake | I heard him curse, I heard him groan |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Reveal the Masonic Prudes | I heard him curse, I heard him groan |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Perwinkle Trout Wrack | His boots were made of manta ray, |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Car with Contrast Fetish | When young and old, the old and new |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Oddments of the Blonde | The gypsy's skirts swirled like the leaves in the fall |
| 2003 Jun 30 | Now Repercussions Don't Hibernate | You asked for a list of excuses, |
| 2003 Jul 9 | Chronic Sparrows of Pathology | Anthrax! Anthrax! cried Frau Schmetterling |
| 2003 Jul 11 | Accessible Under Hegemony | To thy nobility am I obliged |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mosquitos Hatched by Homework | Bill bought broken bric-a-brac |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Contrary Mutant | So here begins a brand new tale |
| 2003 Jul 17 | How Often Tattooed? | How seldom do I see a frump |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Time and Chance Combine in a Shocking Display of Crudity | A masterpiece will now unfold |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Thoreau Toejam | Do mugwumps ever feel the ache |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Nightlong Battles | Once upon a time a whore |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Merry Googling | On the first day of Google, my search term was to be |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mushroom | Galumphing through the daisy field |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Gorgonzola Prevaricates | My gorgonzola often swells |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Of Rubrics | Persnickety wickets, aha! |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Iceman | No man is an igloo |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Alas My... | If not for that one "mistake" |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Yesterday Doesn't Go Like This | Yesterday, all my poetry rhymed beautiflay |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Colours | Red, green, purple, brown |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Silicon Dreams | My computer's on the blink |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Just As Jurassic | Upon the plain the stegosaurus |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Animals (Oz) | If I ever had a platypus |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Bodies | Her nipples were quite octagonal |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Please Don't Try | I wish to call attention |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Brief Glimpses of Aqua Nova | While cycling through the clouds one day |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Pyramids | When mummies in their sarcophagi |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Drawn | Irresistibly, I feel drawn |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Quantum World | Photons green and neutrons pink |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Dreams | How oft in wet dreams do I walk |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Nighttown | On a night in september, 1982 |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Death, Shrug Off the Useless Punctuation | Cholera, my only friend |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Foresight in F Minor (Haydn) | Where have our old-timers gone? |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Things Of The Wild Unknown | The haughty hippotamus spake unto the King: |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Gadfly Pudding | Side by side sat F & N, with monitors opposed, |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Thaw | (haiku) Little lips and toes |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Nocturne Oy | In adamantine underpants the slavish sleeper slept, |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Garbanzos | Falafel was not feeling well |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Whacky | Lapwings on my shoulders, nickels in my purse |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Melodies by Journeymen | Moving softly through the symphony |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Nippising | There was a strange lad from Ontario |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Paris Blemished | The last time I saw Paris |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Uncertain | (haiku) He spoke haltingly |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Giggling Idols | What of Phaeton, Hyperion, Icarus, the angel Lucifer? |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Ivor the Besotten | Unbeknown to Ivor Pooter |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Comeuppance to Astroturf | I always knew that I'd be back |
| 2003 Jul 22 | History Repeats Itself Itself Frequently Despite Appearances To The Contrary | Ten thousand men have lost their lives |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Tonight delights us lovingly, but ... | The lamps are lit, the table set, the goose is in the oven |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Stinky Feet | (haiku) I think your feet stink |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Agog at the Freaks | Whatever are you doing, Mr. Trimble? |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Untold Grinkles do the Zink | When grinkles with the morgles bink |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Hills Speak of Chlorine | The old mountain holds a secret |
| 2003 Jul 24 | A Homerian Epic of Anglicans in Peru | There was an old man from Peru |
| 2003 Jul 24 | The Long Thin | Dispense with long narration |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Poetry and Excess | There was a man from Timbuktu |
| 2003 Jul 26 | People Ran for the Butter | "Relax", I say, but they never obey |
| 2003 Jul 26 | The Bitter End (Alas I Died Homeless) | Alas! Oy vey! My tires are flat |
| 2003 Jul 26 | You can't Have Sushi | Have you ever dated Lucy? |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Travelling with Someone | Anonymously the poems flow |
| 2003 Jul 27 | Parental | "You smell bad, Father William," the young man said, |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Lips You can Kiss | I should've screwed old what's her name |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Horseback Spirits of the Ghost Town | On a dusty road in an outback town |
| 2003 Jul 29 | Something Counts | Zero was an astronaut |
| 2003 Jul 31 | A Story About Her Master's Mustache | It might've been his husky voice |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Look Askance | Little girl, look in the window. What do you, what do you see? |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Fogey | Now here is a story, it's really quite gory and really quite sad to relate |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Why you never dared tell the Pope about Mother Hubbard | Why do you chide me when you could ride me? |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Nightmares in a Mind Overtaken by Madness After Sleepless Days and Nights | If you had but one final chance |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Fishing for the Deal Makers | This time, Sam, we'll make a deal |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Pick You What | Whatchamacallit and thingamajig |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Free at Halloween | The house was haunted, so they said |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Visiting the Mortals | In San Francisco, on the trams |
| 2003 Aug 5 | The Best Guests | With operatic splendour did the door-bell sweetly chime |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Skin | Does your skin keep you warm in the night? |
| 2003 Aug 6 | New Battles for Deceit | You stood trembling |
| 2003 Aug 7 | A Three-Life Exercise | Life is like a coconut |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Why do the Spanish Never Use Toasters? | I've never met a man I didn't like. |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Spin Skipper, My Ass | There once was a hack called Andrew Gilligan |
| 2003 Aug 9 | Kangaroo Den | She prayed that she might never see the day |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Autumn, Aimless, Now Upon Us | Haiku with me please |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Food | In the pages of a dusty book |
| 2003 Aug 11 | The Alphabet Tastes Best Cold | Angry aged alsations |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Cremated For Bystanders | Alan Aardvark ate apples |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Jonah On War | There was once a man in a tale |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Mother One | Mother Theresa sported a wart |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Dead Sticks | Sticks and stones may break my bones |
| 2003 Aug 14 | He-she me? | A limerick often is dirty |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Quixotic Robot Quests | Teflon starships ply the inky depths |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Begging for Wink | Every letter I have sent you |
| 2003 Aug 16 | Scone Clichés | It's always darkest just before it gets lighter |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Effigy | Right among the maddened crows |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Revenge | To those of you who through the years |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Memories Sleep With You | This is the strangest place |
| 2003 Aug 18 | The Revolution | The desert sands are sleeping tonight |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Blasted Poets | 102 poems in just over a week - do none of you sleep? I'm ready to weep |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Today We Are In The Mists | It started out as molecules, swimming in the primal soup |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Revelations Undergone | Shaman footfall |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Bedevil The Faithful | What's that in your pants? Is it something to eat? |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Why Are Doughtnuts Delicious? | From my window, I can see |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Spies Seeking Heat in Arabia | Close to the railway, hidden by bushes |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Fruit Is Like Life | My life is like a grapefruit |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Overcome Heart | My life is like a mouse-trap |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Ungentle Urgings | The rarely recognised conversation |
| 2003 Aug 22 | What is Rope? | When you look around and realise that naught is what it seems |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Glibness for Fakenham | Bills are overdue, your car has broken down |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Beep List | List of Chores |
| 2003 Aug 25 | The Great Fuss | I was fishing one day on the pier |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Pure Floundering | How little do we know ourselves |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Negligent Daleks Give Us A Passable Flamenco | I'd offer you a crumpet, |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Embroidered Gorgonzola | Teapots singing in the rain |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Thong Is What Poses | Underneath a mountain, in a dark secluded cave |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Door To Indisposable Sleep | The haiku returns |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Page is a Cube | Like a russian doll, or perhaps an onion |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Pole Bank Frippery | The long haul to Christmas has started today |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Must Pups Melt Their Carpet? | The pups are gamboling again |
| 2003 Aug 28 | I Am Not The Obsessive Weirdo You Are | I like to spoonbill |
| 2003 Aug 29 | When a Door is Drunk | A healthy meal of beans is the way to start |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Wellington Shining Through | Telescoping microscopes and shoehorning hornpipes |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Pie Trappings | Nymphs and satyrs, centaurs and dryads |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Roomy Life | He spent his life in deep despair and gloom |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Spooning the Kielbasa Worse Than Me | Why must you eat the kielbasa? |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Sonia Wasn't Lost | Sonia is my name, flirting is my game |
| 2003 Sep 4 | A Journey | A big bloke called Gojko the Serb |
| 2003 Sep 5 | The Bob Job Murders | I once had an uncle named Bob |
| 2003 Sep 6 | They Came Third | Dyspeptic Malthusians are roaming about |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Butter Belly Fanclub | Neglecting the home repairs I couldn't do last winter |
| 2003 Sep 10 | Curse Me, Fungus! | The Eskimo, my paramour |
| 2003 Sep 11 | Spotted Crunch | I suggested a title word and the word was this |
| 2003 Sep 14 | Ghosts for My Poster | Dorian hung on my parlour wall |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Time or Porcelain | I frequently sit on the dunny |
| 2003 Sep 18 | About A Hedgehog | The problem with speaking in verse |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Semi Frenzy | The smell of camphor; dust motes in the sun; |
| 2003 Sep 19 | I Fear Bonnie Lies Under the Ocean Freeway | I've oft wondered what Karin looks like |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Weary With Strangely Sprung Happiness | We tried our darnedests to succeed |
| 2003 Sep 20 | The Circling Saucers Of Sirius | My little pal never leaves me |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Pirate Rhymes | There once was a pirate, Blackbeard |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Beaming Constipation | You can choose to conform, you can choose to rebel |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Infatuation: The Amusing Conundrum | What do you want to do with this? |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Quiche Swim | If every boy and every girl |
| 2003 Sep 23 | That Superficial Sniper | He snaps his fingers with such authority |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Making the Tide Wet | I once had to wrestle a bear |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Grandma Ain't Old Enough For Birthdays Any More | Grandma still sports a teased bouffant |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Practise The Birdy | At the crack of day when the baby birds do sing |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Night Before Time Immoderate | in the darkness of the night |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Mother-in-law with Oregano | My mother-in-law, my mother-in law |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Mail-Room Mystery | A weakness for detail |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Ghazal to Asylum | I fear that one day they will carry me off |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Feathery Fiends | What is the matter, my fine-feathered friend? |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Start The Timeclock Earlier | Friday evening's nearly here |
| 2003 Sep 29 | The Progenitors Served Them | When our pets outlive their use |
| 2003 Oct 1 | An Elliptical Doppelganger | Me and my loneliness; we often talk |
| 2003 Oct 1 | The Pretentious Structures For Tasting My Oeuvre | At Halifax, the Muses gather round |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Large Enough To Store Time | What better place than here? |
| 2003 Oct 4 | Our First Love We Denied | We fell into the ocean |
| 2003 Oct 6 | Nailing Lips To My Umbrella | The lipstick factory: kick down the door |
| 2003 Oct 9 | Honestly, If Anyone Dares Mention Earwax Again... | Among the elbows, as a rogue |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Yesteryear Forgotten | Barmy rain lady, why stand in the rain? |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Unsightly Cheesology | I am filled with remorse, and the reasons are three: |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Darling Little Orphans | When Uncle Roland came to stay |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Incompetence, Incompetence | Whilst painting the ceiling, the artist remarked: |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Smiles Bestow Blessings | Like a snake, your smile stretches |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Death is What the Cliché Will | Violets are blue |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Enough Of Death | Sharp as a razor my misericordia |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Tsarist Biscuits, Long Ago | Borneo in a biscuit-tin |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Don't Align Me! | Before enraptured earthworms find you |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Worm Turning Circle | Nobody loses all the time |
| 2003 Oct 25 | Theatre of Heads | The film was droll, though there were dull stretches |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Always Vainglorious Hootenannies | I bought a little bandersnatch |
| 2003 Oct 30 | Pointy Sticks With Hats | Shall I compare thee to an Autumn's day? |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Exchange: Offer Me Something | I'll make you an offer you can't refuse |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Disaster Contest | Archaic persons, flummoxed |
| 2003 Nov 5 | Pray For Dinner | Another web, another fly, another day has wrapped - yet I |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Weird Garden | Misanthropic canteloupes are plotting in the dark |
| 2003 Nov 7 | The Frenchified Arrogant | When pigs grow wings and cows speak French |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Fishy Outlaw Escapes | A handsome young mackeral, named Frank, |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Cult Irregularities | The Underbelly Cult |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Several Sporting Opportunities For Norwich | What makes a lively lunchtime |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Dreaming Of Bagels And Java | When you met me in the restaurant |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Olympian Breakfasting | Venus came to Athens, thence from there to Rome, |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Like Butterflies Don't | So many little fluffy things |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Ruined Dreamscapes | I had an eerie dream last week |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Pets Are Not What They Seem | If every dog and every cat |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Visitors Not Derailed | If it seems too difficult |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Hazardous Waist | Forty-seven atheists have gathered round my grave |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Happiness, The Noose Of Love | Poetry I never knew found love on your demise |
| 2003 Nov 18 | The Most Rewarding Kind Of Exercise | Put it off until tomorrow |
| 2003 Nov 20 | I Am Transformed | I came upon a startling sight |
| 2003 Nov 20 | So Let's Not Eat | The fridge is lurking in a corner - tempting me to sin |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Avoidance Of Outrageous Aphorisms | There was an old man, Mr. Tucker |
| 2003 Nov 23 | The Allure Is Fortunately Passing | When I was only seventeen, I fell in love with a Gypsy queen |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Disembodied Stuff | Dispense with this vulgarity! |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Our Knoll Stroll | Where was JFK, the evening I was shot? |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Growing Like Bacteria | Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Nothing Percolates Like Treacle | Have you ever thought of peppering your toes? |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Unless You're The Household Pet | Abrasively, your parrot squawks |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Voluptuary Meter | Dusty streets and peeling paint |
| 2003 Nov 29 | The Proper Toes | A man with a prong on his nose |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Poetry Means Never Having To Wink | Puerile and dull is the Limerick form |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Popcorn Of The French | When tapdancing down the Champs Elysees |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Bondage Followed Swiftly By Kickings | One misty, moisty morning, when cloudy was the weather |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Extraterrestial Wingnuts | Hooper wouldn't say his name |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Etiquette Toward Farm Animals | When addressing a horse, remember the rule: |
| 2003 Dec 11 | Biblical Soundbites | The Tower of Babel, good sir |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Smells Like Parfum | Céline, we'll make a fortune if you'll sweat into this vat |
| 2003 Dec 14 | Sorry Excuses | Cold, you say? |
| 2003 Dec 17 | Nesting Penguins Throughout Asia Minor | I can't believe I left the grass in my pocket |
| 2003 Dec 19 | Greatly Exaggerated Half-truths | Tim sits alone at his desk in the dark |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Pay Cash For Everything Except Unguents | Late Christmas Eve the lot was dark, and so I filched a tree |
| 2004 Jan 6 | Clichés Usually Reserved For Sensitive Souls | The winter sun broke through the trees, to shine upon the meadow |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Otherworldly Stuff By Bob | Quentin Tarantino |
| 2004 Jan 10 | Allowing Rembrandt His Fish Supper | Between the pilot and the prow |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Talisman Testicle | You can't take it with you - or so I've been told |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Quietude Is Surrender | All is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Tugged Up | All is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Prefaces Are Lovely | Let us be pretentious, erudite, utilizing abstruse references, esoterica |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Drastic Therapy For Two | There hast never been a thing more shiny |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Weekend Sorrows Melt In Ale | Happy birthday, Kimberley, let's head off to the bar |
| 2004 Jan 21 | The Dimmer-Switch Disease | Jeeze, I can't find my knees |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Porcine Tales By Granddaddy | I've got a brand new bathroom |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Beaten Fluffy | I took my bitch to get her shaved on Park Lane yesterday |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Cheese Pistons Of All Ages | What is this evil in our midst? |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Looking Good Backwards | Where are the songs of yesteryear? |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Parsec Progression Beyond | What are the odds |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Semicolon Failings | The scarlet letter, none too soon |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Destiny For My King Of Hastings | One day, while I was walking |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Farewell, Mutiny | Cease to sway |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Habits Of Old Liberals Foregone | "devolve prolific coconut" advised the sophic spam |
| 2004 Feb 22 | Clandestine Openings Like That | Meet me in the arboretum |
| 2004 Feb 24 | Who Drank My Sorbet? | Blend one part soot and two parts salt |
| 2004 Feb 27 | Messages For Sandwichmen | We scaled it down |
| 2004 Mar 1 | My Aunt's Astonished Parakeet | Repetition twenty-fold is what I really crave |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Diffused By Brilliant Clouds | I wandered lonely as a nerd |
| 2004 Mar 9 | Nothing But Extra Famine | Whilst walking on the darkling path |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Frauds? Yes | Let us now praise famous men |
| 2004 Mar 16 | Relying On Our Native Discretion | Uncle Stalin's on the floor |
| 2004 Mar 19 | After Lessons | How to explain this shocking situation |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Vladimir's Looted Me Carrot | Silently clutching his kite, |
| 2004 Mar 26 | Otherworldly Newsagent With Or Without Croutons | A surgeon addicted to soup |
| 2004 Mar 29 | Extraterrestrial, Improperly Aligned | The cookbook used by Dr Who |
| 2004 May 1 | More Coal Please. Vicar | She's known as Nell, down in Camberwell |
| 2004 May 10 | Trios Yet | No I never joined in |
| 2004 May 13 | Lest We Forgive Without Forgetting | For the gloom that follows fire |
| 2004 May 25 | Adjectives On Steroids | So sullen was he, in his melancholy wistfulness, |
| 2004 May 25 | Ellis Inland | Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light |
| 2004 May 28 | Hanging Trout Fancying Grandmothers | I dropped it down the wishing well |
| 2004 May 29 | Banished From Man's Ears | To cudgel, to cajole |
| 2004 Jun 16 | Nothing More Tangible For Hillmen | Reticence, the virtue of the fool |
| 2004 Jun 21 | Seegarten Tour For Wits | If it's standing-room only |
| 2004 Jun 22 | A Very Lodestone | 'A Fiery Flying Roll', you claim |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Unworthy Of Scorn | This invention makes me sick! |
| 2004 Jun 25 | Subliminal Telemetry Wasted | A muse might amuse us |
| 2004 Jun 30 | If If Why When How Who | Big Brother watches the housemates perform |
| 2004 Jul 6 | We Never Boycott Oversights | Got a nice new jersey |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Staff Barbecue For Hygienic Elves | Pleonastic bunkers that the empire built |
| 2004 Jul 14 | The Zimmer-frame Society | Emblematic? Regal? Or a waste of space, |
| 2004 Jul 19 | Disco Infernal | Annie Lennox drove my car |
| 2004 Jul 29 | Bless This Horse With Greatness | The Gryphon, on his rival page |
| 2004 Aug 10 | Undercover Pastries Lost In Space | In every other window |
| 2004 Aug 18 | Through Hooded Dreams | Shoot off her skin |
| 2004 Aug 26 | Carry No Weightlifters Aloft | When shopping for a pachyderm |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Poorly Bohemians After Supper | An escapee from sanity: that's me |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Addicts Of Various Dispositions | Wallowing hogs and leaping frogs |
| 2004 Sep 4 | Blossom On Most Wintry Afternoons | How blistering your prose, how Jovian your style |
| 2004 Sep 13 | It Cannot Be The Teapots | She is in love with the beautiful formlessness of the sea (Sylvia Plath) |
| 2004 Sep 15 | Unnecessary Puns As She Grasped Another Cupcake | Her eyes are like a cup of tea |
| 2004 Sep 21 | Nature And Delight Worn Out | We are the Corporation |
| 2004 Oct 12 | Cardigan Wildlife Artists | When chatty foils reappear |
| 2004 Oct 14 | When Nagging Seem Treasonous | "Love me or leave me," my girlfriend remarked |
| 2004 Nov 4 | Zoology Students On Holiday | My cat has six claws on her frontmost two paws |
| 2004 Nov 17 | The Approach Of Suicidal Robots | The telecon went on and on |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Things Are Annoying Everywhere | Just take a breath - we'll sort this out |
| 2004 Dec 8 | Parts That Require Frequent Calibration | A man once played my didgeridoo |
| 2004 Dec 17 | Facile Farewell | Taking umbrage, in the Nile, |
| 2005 Jan 15 | Stealth For Newfound Cheeses | Broad pretensions, on the board-walk, |
| 2005 Jan 24 | Trap For Attractive Babes | Could you possibly close your sweet mouth as you chew? |
| 2005 Jan 27 | Horses Most Definitely | Spanish onions, in the dark, |
| 2005 Feb 1 | Sixty-five Degrees | If you squeegee my windshield, I'll scour your pot |
| 2005 Mar 18 | I Would Rather Not Serve Rice | I might not swallow more than once |
| 2005 May 3 | Blimey, Guv | Dear, pour me out a single cup of tea, |
| 2005 Jun 29 | Always Downfallen | The mood, in Hitler's bunker |
| 2005 Jul 4 | Enough Bagels Disavowed | In spite of all your after-shave |
| 2005 Jul 12 | My Priapic Milestone | Coddled mushrooms, all a-simmer, |
| 2005 Jul 20 | Remedial By Association | Sufferers of synarthrodiae |
| 2005 Aug 10 | Fields Of Everywhere | His secretary's teeth were sown |
| 2005 Aug 23 | Wittgenstein Therapy | Take parnsip from the heap |
| 2005 Sep 1 | Detonating Error | A small explosion |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Leonine Mellinger Pronounces Herself Destitute | This Plasticene®'s Jurassic, don't you know? |
| 2005 Sep 8 | Whistles | Russell Hoban, king of rhyme, |
| 2005 Sep 21 | Caramel Christmas | In this wise, the King of Thebes |
| 2005 Oct 5 | Associations Lend Their Chevrons | Criticism - from the ranks - |
| 2005 Nov 23 | Fester's Last Words | It takes a man with real strength to deplore |
| 2005 Dec 1 | When Everything Presupposes | I am the Centaur and the sword |
| 2005 Dec 12 | Aspire To Life | Big fish, tiny pond |
| 2006 Jan 11 | Enduring Without Succor | If fish could scream |
| 2006 Jan 26 | Off Kilter | All is confirmed |
| 2006 Feb 14 | Tithes Before Flamingos | If heebie has jeebies and hocus has pocus |
| 2006 Feb 23 | We Can All Escape From This Hotel | Clutching and screaming they summoned you hither |
| 2006 Feb 28 | Wise Virgins Stitched In Gorgonzola | Vanishing by windmills, |
| 2006 Mar 2 | Half The Time Left To Us | Have you met my little friend, Bip? |
| 2006 Mar 14 | The Death Wish List | When Doomsday comes, where will you be? |
| 2006 Mar 30 | Bread-van Impasse | Reptilinear |
| 2006 May 4 | Good Bugs | We must perform a Quirkafleeg |
| 2006 May 12 | When London Rose | Could it be summer's here? |
| 2006 May 15 | Yes, Cheese Is Edible | I'm glad to see your back |
| 2006 May 30 | Inbred Heirloom | To generate hysteria, the Queen declared the area |
| 2006 Jun 7 | Lark Ovaries | Have you ever thought of trimming your moustache? |
| 2006 Jun 9 | The Thursday Matinee | No lack of contentious divisions |
| 2006 Jun 12 | No Peppermint Drops | The clouds are filled with bicycles |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Dragon-tail Drunk | Going out again |
| 2006 Jun 21 | Steam Calendar | St. Swithin's Day? Is that in May? |
| 2006 Jun 29 | The Caretaker Who Cried Wolf | When once I bumped a smallish man |
| 2006 Jul 6 | Socialists Challenging A Shutdown | A dinghy's captain, fearing wreck |
| 2006 Jul 17 | Drum Dazed | The hideous spectre of her purse |
| 2006 Jul 28 | Such Gravitas Is Wasted | Again, at the cathedral |
| 2006 Aug 3 | Craig Levy, Moorhen | Now if six turned out to be nine |
| 2006 Aug 31 | Cried The Idyll | Be not so blue, my dainty dove, |
| 2006 Sep 2 | Can Chewing | To sit with you at sunrise |
| 2006 Sep 20 | Demanding Chocolate Money Back | While others stand empty |
| 2006 Sep 26 | The Cauliflower Nuisance | Demanding menace with a payment, |
| 2007 Jan 16 | Fly Nightmares | A carthorse, baked in bread |
| 2007 Jan 21 | Not Nubile, Not Shadows | Curves aplenty, on the bed, |
| 2007 Feb 26 | Interface Not Found - Contact the Librarian | As to orientation I've begun a new élite |
| 2007 Mar 2 | Duplicitous Herrings in Identifiable Watercourses | Catechresis mumbles, in the final act, |
| 2007 Mar 29 | Ancestral Portraits: Girl Askance | Ethel had the sharpest wit, |
| 2007 Apr 13 | Three Blonde Mice | Off to other hemispheres |
*** | 2004 Jul 2 | Domestic Meltdown | The problem is easy to see |
| 2004 Aug 27 | We Penguins Have Closed Supper Clubs Forever | I'm an escapee from sanity |
| 2005 Feb 22 | The Alphabet Artfully Reconstructed From Bedsprings | Awake! Before the porridge starts to burn! |
| 2005 Mar 10 | Wherever Tuesday Blues | Little Jack Horner sat in a corner |
| 2005 Apr 25 | While Letting Agencies Do Their Damnedest | We pick on them because we know |
| 2006 Sep 7 | Showmen, Their Regrettable Legend | Tonsils made of plastic |
| 2007 Jan 15 | Recipe For A Very Quiet Airplane | Add a fraction from the jar |
| 2007 Mar 19 | They Taught Pointless Rules | Onto Oban, with a snail, |