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The Spoonbill Generator ArchiveAn Olden Treasury of Collaborative Verse
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Poems by Year: 1996 -
1997 -
1998 -
1999 -
2000 -
2001 -
2002 -
2003 -
2004 -
2005 -
2006 -
2007 Hall of Fame — Index of First Lines — Poems by Colour | |||
Alphabetical List of Titles | |||
| Title | First line | ||
| Poems open in a new window | |||
| 2003 Dec 10 | "Enough!" Said Old McDonald | Inspiration isn't need - not when you're a pote | |
| 2006 Apr 7 | "How Curious!", Quoth The Melancholy Shrike | Engrossed by the maudlin | |
| 1997 Nov 22 | "Tomorrowismybirthday" cried Katharine's Wedding | Pile a hailstone on a hailstone | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | "You Are Carbon", We Said | The waves are in turmoil, and strike at the rocks | |
| 2000 Dec 1 | 'Destiny', Said Chastity, 'Doesn't Fulfil' | Your new line will go here | |
| 2006 May 11 | 22 Catheters Soaked By Circumstance | Who could resist | |
| 1997 Apr 10 | 23 Babies In Maritime Tryst | Two doggerels, whelped in one litter | |
| 2004 Jan 29 | 440 Foursome | Three down redoubled, 1000 away | |
| 2003 Sep 16 | 5-7-5 Harmony | Refuge I must seek | |
| 2006 Jul 7 | 51 Flavours of Diffusion | So very far from welcome | |
| 2002 Feb 7 | 69 Servants | The artichoke eyed the chili pepper with murderous contempt | |
| 2000 Sep 3 | <i>Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriens</i> | Spry raindrops against a beercan tinkle | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | <i>Hamlet</i> With Fish | My chronic youth would soon speed past | |
| *** | 2000 Jan 18 | A Behavioural Thesis | You giants! You, who from this crag |
| 1999 Apr 16 | A Bergsonian Lullaby For Cats | Cowboy and Chabot are on the go! | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | A Challenge To The Juvenile | How many times have you started a line | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | A Civilised Child, Lost for Moments | Into the unblinking eyes of children | |
| 2002 Nov 6 | A Contest for Castle Custard | The goat came down from the hill-tops | |
| 2006 Apr 21 | A Cynical Attitude Toward Roadrunners | Out here in the wasteland | |
| 1999 Apr 4 | A Dire Tenderness | Never deny that I warned you | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | A Doberman You All Wanted To Know | There was an old maid from Duluth | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | A Fine Line Between Endless Cats | On Friday the seventh of May | |
| 2000 Jan 4 | A Formal Comeback For The New Millipede | From pyramid to penthouse | |
| 2002 Nov 12 | A Fourth Shortcake Detector | Continuous as the sharks that dine | |
| 2007 Jan 15 | A Futile Attempt on Parnassus | I meant it as an insult | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | A Homerian Epic of Anglicans in Peru | There was an old man from Peru | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | A Journey | A big bloke called Gojko the Serb | |
| 2003 Oct 13 | A Lacklustre Paragon | Changed the channels 'til my fingers bled | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | A Meadowlark Crumbling in Basalt | A costive agent knows too well | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | A Melee Mightn't Make My Machinations Musical | To write a good poem several things are required | |
| *** | 2004 Mar 8 | A Mile Beyond The World May Be A Maiden | Congealing in a fusty box |
| 2002 Nov 12 | A New Golem School | Your lack of understanding | |
| 1997 Nov 4 | A Particularly Contemporary Procedure | Particularly pleasing was the scent of new-mown hay | |
| 2001 Sep 26 | A Pleonastic Admirer of Superfluous Nuns | The men in Berlin are terribly thin | |
| 2004 Feb 2 | A Plurality Because Of Our Nausea | Let's not forget the little ones | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | A Pointy Neck | Why do people stare at me? | |
| 2001 Jan 9 | A Prawn Parading | An ant always admires actors | |
| 2003 Jul 31 | A Prior Rainbow | Red was the color of my true love's knuckles. | |
| 2001 Sep 6 | A Railway Canal | I cycled to the station with fury on my mind | |
| 2003 Jun 26 | A Reasonable Religion for Village Greens | Silver and brown were the eaves of the town | |
| 2003 Mar 18 | A Relativity Prayer Shawl Thrown Aside | I quaffed nine cups of joe this morn | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | A Relief | An uncle, all carbon | |
| 2003 Sep 10 | A Romatic Ending | Beth and Lee got hitched in Vegas | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | A Round | Higgle-dee piggle-dee pudding and pie | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | A Royal Disaster | Indeed the overweening queen | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | A Simple Purveyor of Gaffes | Carpe diem, as they say | |
| 1997 May 18 | A Snail Keeps Shop | A Case of Riotous Block | |
| 2003 Jul 31 | A Story About Her Master's Mustache | It might've been his husky voice | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | A Style of Dancing I Remember | Scarlett and Rhett decided to pet | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | A Three-Life Exercise | Life is like a coconut | |
| 1997 Sep 20 | A Toasted Budgie in my Laxative | This extra leg's a bother | |
| 1997 Mar 13 | A Token for Parting | The filing cabinet, the filing cabinet | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | A Vagabond Lacking Cunning | "Better", I told him, "you had left your seed unsown" | |
| 2001 Jan 23 | A Vain Attempt in English to Accommodate Divers | The hour of innocence, of hopes and dreams | |
| 2004 Jun 22 | A Very Lodestone | 'A Fiery Flying Roll', you claim | |
| 2002 Nov 1 | A Virgin's Twelve Testicles | Such a vile winter! Warm in nooks | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | A Whole Inuit Tooth | Orificial | |
| 2004 Jan 7 | A Wishlist For Clambakes | I hear that sluts from Milwaukee | |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Abandon Malfeasance, My Cobweb Doctor | You wouldn't want a cobweb | |
| 2000 Jan 25 | Abandoned Frightfulness | Consumed by Lust, whose second course | |
| 2000 May 1 | Abhorrent Paradises | A silver bird, set in a leaden sky | |
| 2002 Jul 29 | Abigail | On Thames' Embankment, bright spring day | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | About A Hedgehog | The problem with speaking in verse | |
| 2003 Dec 22 | About Buck | What a strange little boy is Timmy John Jones | |
| 2006 Feb 16 | Absent White | Rimbaud, Verlaine and absinthe | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Absorbent Syllables | Another year on, the question arises: | |
| 2005 Dec 23 | Abundance Throughout Pompeii | In these forests, aroundabout, | |
| 2003 Dec 10 | Abuse Of Frequent Positivism | While I was panhandling one bright sunny day | |
| 2003 Jul 11 | Accessible Under Hegemony | To thy nobility am I obliged | |
| 2003 Apr 18 | Accidents to Unwary Playmates | In the timeless forests of the north | |
| 2003 Feb 20 | Acrimony for Unknown Pontiffs | Doctrine of the spiral stair | |
| *** | 2000 Jan 31 | Adam's Ballooning Error | Whatever happened to darling Denise? |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Addicts Of Various Dispositions | Wallowing hogs and leaping frogs | |
| 2004 May 25 | Adjectives On Steroids | So sullen was he, in his melancholy wistfulness, | |
| 2004 Sep 2 | Adrift Beyond Our Reckoning | Three hobbling blondes | |
| 2002 Jun 11 | Adventurous Wednesday | Never mind the problem throat | |
| 2000 Feb 1 | Advertising Plato | With cogent epigrams | |
| 2004 May 27 | After Backward Cause | An adman amiably asserted | |
| 2004 Mar 19 | After Lessons | How to explain this shocking situation | |
| 2002 Jul 3 | After Misdemeanours | Fang by nature, | |
| 2005 Feb 2 | After Reality, Interregnum | She plugged it in, she switched it on | |
| 2002 Sep 29 | After the Empire, Nothing New | Cushions – when their time has passed | |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Afterglow/Puzzle | The pallid young apprentice | |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Afternoon Delight Until Midday | City slickers in the sunlight | |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Afternoon Prayers, Being a Master-Class for Emissaries of Torpor | Let's be quick! Their backs are turned | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Again We Raise the Standards of Poetry Crimes Against Humanity | The slate is clean, the ink is fresh | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Against Spelling | Would you care to dance? | |
| 2000 Aug 29 | Against Tintin: Yesterday And Today | When Friday rolls eventually around | |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Against Wheat-craft | Here, in Glasgow, | |
| 2004 Jun 17 | Ages Rush By, Unremarked By Anyone | What shall we do today, my dear, where would you like to go | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Agog at the Freaks | Whatever are you doing, Mr. Trimble? | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Agriculture Good And Bad | In the land where the brain-fart trees grow | |
| 1999 Oct 14 | Ahab Still Got Those Almighty Moonshine Blues | All dressed up and nowhere to go | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Air Is Saleable To Those Who Don't Care | Billy Mays here, Folks, to tell you about an incredible new product: | |
| 2001 Aug 20 | Airlock, Warlock | The Ministry of Frost | |
| 2005 Oct 15 | Airworthy Kitchens | Dross of ages past is ours | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Alas My... | If not for that one "mistake" | |
| 2004 Dec 22 | Albatross, Lie Still | How calmly did th olive branch | |
| 1997 Mar 18 | Albert Questions The Benighted Cauliflower | What tremor racks my boneless foot? | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Aldershot's Unhappy History of Gardening Compromises | Mine is not a ranicd bun, served steaming on a plate, | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Alexander's Shadow Ring-pull | Take five, my little feathered friends | |
| 2003 Jan 2 | Alexandrian Wish Warrior | Upon a star I wished one day | |
| 1998 Apr 24 | Alice's Adventures in the Improbability Pie | Alice threw the looking-glass | |
| *** | 1997 Nov 25 | Alice's Peculiar Revenge | Alice frowned; all around, leaves were falling to the ground |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Alien Hissy Fit | Aliens squirted mustard in my face | |
| 1998 Mar 2 | All Aboard, Airhead! | Wide eyed and innocent, she | |
| 1999 Jan 7 | All But There | There's a THERE there all right | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | All My Complaints | My battery is draining | |
| 2004 Feb 25 | All My Cousins, Surely | Goatish hovels - for the poor? | |
| 2004 Feb 3 | All That Blisters | Have more wine and honey, darling, | |
| 2006 Mar 20 | All The Benighted Croutons | When choosing the proper wine | |
| 2004 Nov 24 | All Things Can Be Overturned In Time | Join the dance, you naiads all, | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Allegory Of Scandinavian Nuptuals | Rubbing out the guide-book | |
| 2004 Jan 10 | Allowing Rembrandt His Fish Supper | Between the pilot and the prow | |
| 1997 Feb 12 | Almost After Forgotten | Sleepless wretched pacing, red-rivered eyes - glazed, gazing | |
| 2000 May 11 | Alone With Another Fool | I'm afraid he is addicted to collaborative verse | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Alphabetically Defined | Anthony Brown caused doubts everywhere | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Alright? | Hey Randy? Are you still up? | |
| 2004 Mar 10 | Alternative Will | Tell me Doc - I've got to know | |
| 1997 Jan 30 | Although My Testament Lies Steaming | The price of penance is the soul, | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | Always Blithering | When ducks and drakes meet late at night | |
| 2005 Jun 29 | Always Downfallen | The mood, in Hitler's bunker | |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Always One Vane | Foul, foul, foul, this weather's spent | |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Always Vainglorious Hootenannies | I bought a little bandersnatch | |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Amanda and Her Moose Therapy | I traced the lineage of the Spoon | |
| 1998 Dec 11 | Ambush Every Closure | What an opportunity, what a sheer delight! | |
| 2004 Jul 18 | America Next Thursday Or Thereabouts | Thou old, unruly turban | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | America, Land Where Meiosis Reigns | I've heard that the folks in the U S of A | |
| 2005 Feb 15 | Among Beanbags | So tell us, how many times have you | |
| 2005 Nov 12 | Amsterdam Transfers | These canals are full of fish?! | |
| 2004 Apr 19 | Amulets As Fishcakes | When I went to Inverness | |
| 2001 Mar 9 | Amusing-Esoteric | Necromancy doesn't work, my uncle used to say | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | An Elliptical Doppelganger | Me and my loneliness; we often talk | |
| 1999 Mar 23 | An Entropic Encroachment | As we waited for the bus to mow the wicked postman down | |
| 1998 Feb 4 | An Idyllic Situation Ruined By Reed-Buntings | The best man is a tidy one, | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Anarchy Pastilles | When Spoonbill went on the blink | |
| 1999 Sep 23 | Anathema or Assonance | A Plutonian plutocracy, a demonized democracy, | |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Anatomical Chaps | Vesalius, whose scalpel bright | |
| 2007 Mar 29 | Ancestral Portraits: Girl Askance | Ethel had the sharpest wit, | |
| 1998 Feb 24 | Ancestral vestiges of tambourine | Show me not your golden purse, | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | And And And Whimpering | "It was so kind of you to come! | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | And Now Hard Skirts | My love's inclined to wear a hat | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | And Then the Next Animal | Ferdinand the Porcupine was quite a prickly fellow | |
| 2000 Mar 20 | Angels, Whenever You Cough | Instruction none of us are free | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Animals (Oz) | If I ever had a platypus | |
| 2002 Sep 20 | Anniversary Epithets (if any) | August the eighth, Oh August the eighth | |
| 2005 Jul 22 | Another Bodleian Peroration Fails | If it hadn't been for the eighteenth green | |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Another Darwin | An airworthy albatross alights atop an arch | |
| 2002 Aug 24 | Another Hairless Igloo Objects | Replace mine injured planet | |
| 2006 Jan 26 | Another Round Of Hand Puppets For Reelection | All is confirmed | |
| 1999 May 17 | Anthem of Unfinished Toenails | It's best to smile | |
| 2000 May 24 | Anti-Dandruff Cornflakes | A kangaroo I used to know | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Antiproverbial: Aphorisms Redefined | What if one swallow does make a summer? | |
| 2002 Feb 22 | Any child can puke Beethoven's last minuet | The trouser-press is waiting for | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Any Compound of Phosphorus | Paradigm of porters' skill | |
| 2005 Sep 27 | Any Extreme Prognostication Except | You - a loan - are the Most High! | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Any Old Moth-Eaten Universe | This plethora of pickles | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Anyone Who Whinges Can Go Elsewhere | MORE LIMERICKS! | |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Aperitifs to Drink When Meeting Your Maker | The mustard in my lemonade | |
| 1997 Feb 6 | Aphorisms for Unseen Swine | A kiss and a cuddle | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Apocalypse (Soon) | A sodium glow smolders in the sky | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Apocalyptic Rumor | I heard this rumor in class today..correct me if I'm wrong: | |
| 1997 Apr 26 | Apocope-0Reticule | In my outhouse, far from Tunis | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Apologies To The Stovepipe Baby | You got a smile so sweet, you coulda been drip glucose | |
| 2005 Aug 8 | Apparatus For Removing Apparatus | Algorithms for the blind | |
| 2002 May 16 | Apparent Crimes | A packet of cheese defies the knife, | |
| 2002 Dec 5 | Applause for Melodious Metal | A female, young, of ill repute, | |
| 2002 Apr 29 | Apricot Britain | My ice-cream dribbled into the soft earth, as Rachel | |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Apsley's Gannet! | When standing on my pantofles | |
| 2000 Feb 29 | Apsley's Painful Direction | Arabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Arbitrary Megalomaniacs | I've been lectured again by the stockman | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Arcade Dreams Of My Gamey Youth | Space Invaders often haunt my dreams | |
| 2001 Jul 18 | Arctic Charlie | When singing to potatoes, the cowboy always stutters; | |
| 2000 Apr 10 | Are Like | If you were an ape, what kind would you be? | |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Are You Better? | More haiku you say? | |
| 2001 Jun 19 | Are You the Last Paradigm? | In France, there is a little town | |
| 2001 Nov 23 | Areas Of Devoid | Chief among the mammals | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Argentina Is Imaginary | Who predates this predator | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Argument Can't | Why should I even try to convince you | |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Argument For Exceptions | A new bordello - civic, clean - is what Wisconsin needs | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Arise, False Dawns! | Goliath in the cutlery-drawer | |
| 1997 Jan 18 | Arizona's Coptic Rime | Your fossil terrorised our clan | |
| 2002 Feb 12 | Armadeep Looked Out | In the Sudan, there lived five men | |
| 2003 Jul 1 | Armageddon Horses D'Oeuvres Changes Course | Plague and Pestilence sat down by the fire | |
| 1998 Feb 8 | Armpit Discipline | Ice carved by cold hearts, | |
| 1998 Mar 13 | Arnold, Waiting | Surely Godot should be here by now, | |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Around The You You Tree | I think that I shall never find, a poem as lovely as your behind | |
| 2002 Mar 4 | Arquebus (Chaucerian View) | Her basin full of porridge, her stockings eek of holes, | |
| 2001 Feb 28 | Arresting the Compositor | Into the cauldron of possibility | |
| 2002 Aug 30 | Artem and I | Accipiters offend her by slaying unborn lepus | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Arthur Sucking Cough Drops | Shall I start a new poem or will it get trashed? | |
| 2007 Jan 27 | Artisans, Ninepence Or Less | In his ochre jodhpurs | |
| 1997 Feb 17 | Artless | Art serves to remind us all, | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Arts Other Than Those I Cherish | A gerbil in a racing car | |
| 2005 Mar 26 | As Luck Would Habit | Strange transmissions - from the sun - | |
| 2003 Oct 18 | Asphalt Trumps My Ace | I like | |
| 2004 May 27 | Aspirated Eyeball, Innit? | It started with a glottal stop | |
| 2005 Dec 12 | Aspire To Life | Big fish, tiny pond | |
| 2005 Oct 5 | Associations Lend Their Chevrons | Criticism - from the ranks - | |
| 2006 Jan 25 | At Equal Intervals | The other day (or was it night?) | |
| *** | 1998 Jul 20 | At First Simply Guessing | There was a young lady fron Dar-es-Salaam |
| 2002 Jun 27 | At the Leg-warming Market | Statistically speaking, the cow | |
| 2004 Jan 13 | Athens Whose Ruins | What venom lies behind the name | |
| 1999 Jun 29 | Atmos the Ferric | Tick Tock...Boing! | |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Attempted Assassination During Evensong | Rather than conferring shame | |
| 2006 Apr 26 | Attempts At Ironic Posturing | My bunny lies over the ocean | |
| 2001 Dec 30 | Attempts To Separate Meniscus from Surface | Our lady of Sligo | |
| 2004 Apr 1 | Attention: Recurring Decimal | Poor Jones got hanged - and yet I know 'twas | |
| 2004 May 28 | Attraction Determined By Inquest | He took her down a leafy lane | |
| 2003 Jan 29 | Autocratic Penitent | Sailing down the seventh stream | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Autumn, Aimless, Now Upon Us | Haiku with me please | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Avoid Big Pies | I once knew a Heywood Jablome | |
| 2003 Oct 20 | Avoid Our Stranded Cactus | Dreaming of a potted snipe | |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Avoid The Dossier | This page is discontinued | |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Avoidance Of Outrageous Aphorisms | There was an old man, Mr. Tucker | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Await the Perilous | Remember, if you feel the urge to speak | |
| 2003 Jun 21 | Awakening the Aluminum Jetsam | A paper, a line, a bubble, a tin | |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Away Game Voyeurism | People are bloody ignorant apes! | |
| 2000 May 17 | Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On Speed | My mind's eye, all in sepia | |
| 2000 Jul 27 | B-Flat Tonsils | Down in New York City is a craze that's hit the streets | |
| 2005 Jan 15 | Backstabbing So-called Chums | I'll never again, see my ex-pal Len | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Bacon Vortex | I woke to find the world undone | |
| 2004 Jun 3 | Bailiff Only Because | Beyond the reach of kettle-leads | |
| 2004 Mar 5 | Balderdash Brevity | Here's an ode to hogwash - to tripe and pure baloney | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Ballad of Vermillion Dances | Could I borrow just a minute of your time? | |
| 2004 Jan 30 | Balletic Tropism | The crutch on which you make your way | |
| 2001 Nov 5 | Balsamic Bus | From Russell Square to Holborn | |
| 2004 Feb 10 | Baltic Bang | Do not go gently into that goodnight | |
| 1999 Sep 28 | Banana Wapentakes | How hairy is my nose, do you suppose? | |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Bangles in Temptation | As the bland computer whines | |
| 2004 May 29 | Banished From Man's Ears | To cudgel, to cajole | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | Barbecue Sores | Folded like a deck-chair | |
| 2004 Jan 30 | Baroness Buttercup | Oh, innocents, listen in time | |
| 2001 Oct 31 | Bartók's Drawing-Room | In a dream, I bit off my boss's leg | |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Bashful Statements Of Statehood | The denizens of Alabama | |
| 1997 Apr 15 | Bathroom Psychodrama | Pale in her Siamese twin-set | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Batman and Gawain (The Quest) | Now, hearken, I'll tell you the tale | |
| 2004 Apr 26 | Bayonets Programmed To Twirl | Scarcely welcome though she was | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Beaming Constipation | You can choose to conform, you can choose to rebel | |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Beard Recognitions | Friends reunited | |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Beaten Fluffy | I took my bitch to get her shaved on Park Lane yesterday | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Beatles Stew | When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top | |
| 2002 Sep 24 | Because Bane Barks | Outside the gates of Norwich | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Because Foam Canisters Iridesce | She cries, that's all she ever does | |
| 2004 Mar 16 | Because I Am Seesawing | "Why do you carry hamsters in your pockets?" demanded Mrs. Pringle | |
| 2002 Dec 24 | Because I've Died Peacefully Enough | A pint of Scruttock's in my hand | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Because the Orchestral Are Orchestral | Flutes are mainly known by their ability | |
| 2002 Jan 16 | Beckettt's Crispy Pacific Noodles | 'The stratosphere is not so near,' | |
| 1998 Jun 30 | Bedazzled by Our Daphne's Pebbledash | Flying at thirty-eight times the speed of sound | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Bedevil The Faithful | What's that in your pants? Is it something to eat? | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Beep List | List of Chores | |
| 2004 Jul 19 | Beep Road | My dear, have you lost your panache? | |
| 2003 Sep 7 | Beer Gods | Thou still unopen'd flask of liquor, | |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Bees Hover Like Bees | Never, in the field behind the gasworks | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Bees' Buttocks | Whirring dials and blinking lights | |
| 2004 Mar 22 | Before Cows Were Chic | They say you're no good | |
| 2007 Mar 1 | Before More Nuns Knew Lisaveta Pilchard | Tirades against The Steady State | |
| 2005 Apr 28 | Before She Uttered | hiiiiiiiii | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Begging for Wink | Every letter I have sent you | |
| 2002 Apr 24 | Begone! Said The League of Ostriches | When first I woke upon this day, | |
| 2002 Aug 6 | Behind Beelzebub's Backyard | 'Make mine mink,' said the Minotaur | |
| 2001 Dec 23 | Behind Bermondsey Bridge | Butterfingers Battersea | |
| 1998 Jul 21 | Behind Every Grimacing Badger... | Kropotkin claimed that all he saw | |
| 2001 Dec 12 | Behold Our Anglican Remainders | Chief among the mammals | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Belief Now! | For all of you that don't believe in unicorns | |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Believe What You Will But Doubt Nothing Excepting Yourself | Little boys with little toys | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Bells, Time Of | The bells of contrariness | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Bemused | How blithely do the crackerjacks | |
| 1999 Oct 23 | Beneath the Dismembering Sky | When Ethelred beheld the axolotl | |
| 1998 May 9 | Benedict the Monstrous Toadstool | Behind each King or potentate | |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Benedictine Evening Dresses | Poetic mis'ry in a name? | |
| 2002 Jan 14 | Benign Impostures | This egg, which sank in mercury, | |
| 2002 Dec 2 | Bereft Between Widows | My love is like a red, red snapper | |
| 2005 Mar 28 | Bertrand Of Nimes In Anguish | Halitosis hit me as he cut my hair | |
| 2002 Jul 18 | Beside the Derelict Hat-stand | When Granny comes for tea and cake | |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Bespoke Chutney for Biggles | Smooth eucalyptus, resinous aura | |
| 2004 Jan 4 | Betokening Bitterness | Love, shmov--I'm jaded now | |
| 2004 May 13 | Better Lettuce Forthcoming | As the orders start to dry | |
| 1998 Aug 10 | Beyond Anatomical Possibilities | If, halfway down the basement stairs, | |
| 2000 Nov 12 | Beyond Any Logic | In autumn-time, a small spittoon | |
| 2003 Jan 25 | Beyond Bursting-Point | I walk a mile each day before my tea | |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Beyond Her Final Finery | Mow the news is out | |
| 1998 Mar 31 | Beyond Homespun | 'It is with most intense regret | |
| 2006 Jun 25 | Beyond The Twelfth Night Service Desk | The faded lilies by the wall | |
| 2004 Aug 20 | Biblical Sheep-dip Nonsense | No more strumpets, | |
| 2003 Dec 11 | Biblical Soundbites | The Tower of Babel, good sir | |
| *** | 2000 Jan 30 | Big Custard | Warm in nutritious mulch, we germinate, |
| 2000 Feb 12 | Big Man Devours Helicopter's Emptiness | I made a little omelette with a single serpent's egg | |
| 2002 Dec 12 | Big Orchids In Dead Marriage | My dove, Suzette, she lays in wait | |
| 2002 May 1 | Big, Dangerous Camel | A feather riding high upon a wave of breeze | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Billboards, Numbers, and the Signs for Heaven | There once was a poet of note | |
| 1999 Nov 16 | Billericay notwithstanding ... | Thus it remains, and the remainder thus | |
| 2001 Apr 24 | Billiards, or Might My Love Be Undying? | Bianca grabbed me by the throat, and said I was a little stoat: | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Bingled | While surfing on the web one day | |
| 2000 Feb 15 | Binyon County: The Defective Kite | Who remembers me, Lieutenant Aubergine? | |
| 2001 Aug 13 | Biography | Helena was born in a pub | |
| 2003 Nov 9 | Bird Authors' Noble Claims | This poem was written by Walter Raleigh | |
| 2001 Feb 3 | Birds - So? | Those onomatopoeic words | |
| 2000 Aug 14 | Birthdays Passed Without Mints | August presence or August presents, what will be thy choice? | |
| 2003 Dec 10 | Biscuitry In Clean Sheets | Mine was only mortar | |
| 2005 Jul 27 | Bismuth Bill Again | Incursions 4, Evasions 5 | |
| 2004 Sep 8 | Bite-sized Granules Of Compassionate Crunchiness | I think she may be going mad | |
| 2004 Jun 27 | Blackbird Singing With Bluebeard | With 'action' just another word | |
| 1999 Mar 8 | Blamirog's Prophetic Landfall | Blamirog was wondering about the Blessed Isle | |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Blamobilog's Last Return | A vessel most unfit for sea | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Blasted Poets | 102 poems in just over a week - do none of you sleep? I'm ready to weep | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Bleak Housing | Ten to a bed, the children slept | |
| 1999 Feb 11 | Blemishes | I never saw a clean sweep | |
| 2004 Jul 29 | Bless This Horse With Greatness | The Gryphon, on his rival page | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Blessed are the Circular | Blessed are the spoonbillers | |
| 1999 Oct 11 | Blessed, Blessed, this Momenteum of the Morning | I told him that he shouldn't hoard the family's only Oiuja board | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Blessings Aplenty For Apsley | God speed to you, fair travellers all | |
| 2005 May 3 | Blimey, Guv | Dear, pour me out a single cup of tea, | |
| 1998 Sep 29 | Bliss on Cusp | He met her in a French cafe... | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Bloodthirsty Tales And Unseen Lemons | I feel I must indulge in certain vices | |
| 2004 Sep 4 | Blossom On Most Wintry Afternoons | How blistering your prose, how Jovian your style | |
| 1996 Nov 12 | Blow-torch Conquests | Neither of the archetypes was very much in vogue | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Bluebells for Another Day | Behold the poet, in her shack! | |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Boating Pleasures | We went to sea in a gravy boat one gray autumnal day | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Bodies | Her nipples were quite octagonal | |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Bondage Followed Swiftly By Kickings | One misty, moisty morning, when cloudy was the weather | |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Boohoo Hoodoo | How sad that ode was ended--and why I want to know? | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Boot Cramp Without Due Cause | Be loyal to your captain, soldier: he was once a man like you | |
| 2004 Jan 23 | Bootblack Hatrack Knickknack | There are so many words that rhyme with "whack": | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Boots of Silly Leather | Silly Sally from the valley liked to dilly dally | |
| 2006 Feb 10 | Boots Were Made Before Souls | A basement, and a base intrigue | |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Borders For Uncle Monk | 'Quite a clump,' he summarised | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Bored Magnolia | What kind of tree would you most like to be? | |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Boredom City | Sherbert, not Opopanax | |
| 1998 Feb 17 | Borrowing Twilight | Come, Luggage! There's a curious world I'm longing to explore | |
| 2000 Mar 16 | Bosworth: An Ode | When cuttlefishes congregate | |
| 1999 Dec 16 | Bothering Without Etiquette | Give me back my luncheon-meat! | |
| 1999 Nov 26 | Bottle Up | Spoons are the one thing God forgot | |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Bottomless Yachting | A plethora of penguins is rarely to be found | |
| 2003 Dec 13 | Boutiques Full Of Festive Knick-knacks | Greensleeves and wassail, angels galore | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Bowling Nearby Stones | Stepping through a wall of mirrors | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Bragging About Semi-colons | If only | |
| 1999 Jan 7 | Brain Pump Outlet | Louder than a hill of cheese | |
| 2006 Mar 30 | Bread-van Impasse | Reptilinear | |
| 1997 Dec 9 | Breakfasting Traditionally | An arbitrary asp might say, | |
| 2003 Nov 26 | Breaking The Law Of Thermodynamics | I know the Spoonbill secret | |
| 2003 Sep 7 | Brian is There | There was a young maiden from Nome | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Brian's Life of Impostion | Hierarchs with open mouths | |
| 2000 Nov 6 | Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as Caterpillars | Costorphine was a Cuttlefish | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Brie Tabula | The page is blank | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Brief Glimpses of Aqua Nova | While cycling through the clouds one day | |
| 2004 Apr 14 | Brief Lives Last Sunday | People from Purley like getting up early | |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Brigade Of Billabongs | In conclusion, Speckled Jim | |
| 2002 Nov 21 | Britney's in Purdah | When poets strive against the muse | |
| 2003 Mar 20 | Broken SmARTISTS | It be not hard to speaketh like the Bard | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Brooding Night | The night is a ladyOf no uncertain temperament | |
| 2001 Jan 8 | Brothers in Canberra | The kangaroos are at the aquarium? | |
| 2001 Sep 6 | Browsing Police | When to the summons I brought my fist | |
| 2001 Dec 19 | Brute Pesto Lollipop (Intolerance) | The gate is torn asunder there | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Bubblegum and Scrabble | Lollipops and bubblegum, jujubes and dots | |
| 1998 Mar 23 | Buns | Andante, my love, for we've hours a-plenty | |
| 2004 Aug 9 | Buns Beyond Sunset | Breathlessly, you claim to be | |
| 1999 Nov 18 | Bunuel, Masterly Engineer | I skipped among the parsley beds | |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Bureaucracy Marks The Pedestrians | If filling in forms engenders dismay, tick box 'A' | |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Burns With Mayflowers Downstream | My love is like a red, red nose | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Bus Baby Boop | I went down to the bus station to meet my baby | |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Businessman In Loose Flannels | Watch out for my claim | |
| 2000 May 7 | Businessmen Halting Overhead | Give me some glue in pot coloured blue | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | But a Pizza Means the End of Thunderstorms | MORE GOOFY HAIKUS | |
| 1997 Dec 12 | But Actually... | Although you're tall, and gifted | |
| 2003 Aug 23 | But For a Novice | Matilda tolled the churchyard bell | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | But for the Headaches | You may think that it's time for a rhyme | |
| 2004 Sep 19 | But For Us And Them | Call me a quack | |
| 2000 Jun 26 | Butcher's Lament On Nothing | What sort of dog is this? I hear you ask | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Butter Belly Fanclub | Neglecting the home repairs I couldn't do last winter | |
| 2002 Sep 28 | By Any Drowned Pavilion | Guacamole, whose brindled haunch | |
| 2002 Mar 25 | Cacophonic, Electric, Adamant | 'Craddock's Cat Biscuits are finer by far!', the radio blared | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Cactus Ants | Ants are smart, oh they're smart, oh they think they're so smart | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Cactus Mothering | The lawn was laid | |
| 2002 Apr 11 | Caesar and the Suprise Chicken | When no Esquimau obtains | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Calculating Between | The calculator is calculating its own lifespan | |
| 2001 Oct 23 | Calf-Length Flight-Bone Prospects | Gilded by an autumn sun | |
| *** | 2004 May 18 | Calling For A Funicular Tramway Service | While strutting through the quicksand |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Camelot - an Ongoing Investigation | Long, long ago, in Camelot | |
| 2004 Aug 31 | Campaigns Begin Like Bladders | The politican declaimed and avowed | |
| 2006 Sep 2 | Can Chewing | To sit with you at sunrise | |
| 1997 Sep 8 | Can poignant rubbish be reliable? | This is the way the lady rides | |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Canine Bearing | Despite this aberration, sir | |
| 1999 Apr 20 | Canterbury Nemesis | Petulant pilgrims don't like to eat rope | |
| 2001 Dec 18 | Cap in Handsworth | The Crossbow, famed in Chinese tales | |
| 2003 Oct 4 | Captain Correction | The sky is blue and so are you | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Captain Of My Land | Happy ever after? Well, at least until that day | |
| 2001 Feb 27 | Captain Scott's Implosion | At dawn we slew another pig | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Car with Contrast Fetish | When young and old, the old and new | |
| 2005 Sep 21 | Caramel Christmas | In this wise, the King of Thebes | |
| 1998 Mar 15 | Caramel Cribbage-Board | Keeping pace on cobbled lanes, | |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Caramelised Jamboree Bags | Bedevilled by mosquitoes | |
| 2004 May 7 | Carbohydrate Counts Against Each Mouthful | The problem of a bee city | |
| 1997 Jun 9 | Carbon Pump City | The never-ending cycle of the wars 'twixt good and ill | |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Carbuncle City From My Window | Erotic gherkin, looming in the dusk | |
| 2004 Oct 12 | Cardigan Wildlife Artists | When chatty foils reappear | |
| 2004 Mar 25 | Cardinal In Error | A pepperoni sandwich from the Pope | |
| 2003 Apr 17 | Carefulness Begets Sincerity | A poem's frail corpse is like a tree | |
| 1998 Oct 24 | Caroline Rembrandt Remembered Backwards | Buckets of mud and acres of slime are all that I need | |
| 2002 Aug 7 | Carp of a Thousand Drums | Exactly how surreal do you fish? | |
| 2004 Aug 26 | Carry No Weightlifters Aloft | When shopping for a pachyderm | |
| 2001 Sep 24 | Cartwright's Innocence Unleashed | Along the mute canal | |
| 2003 Sep 13 | Cash Elegy | Let us praise a country maestro: Johnny Cash | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Cash Me | How dear of you to send me cash | |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Caspar Caged | A puma won't return the gaze of Rilke | |
| 2002 Dec 31 | CaTacLySm | i SPEAK in CAPITALS quasi-random | |
| 2004 May 29 | Cautionary Tales For Young Hotshots | How many times must I tell you? | |
| 2000 May 30 | Cautiously Urging, Redundantly Purging | If my ardour flickers | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Ceaseless Efforts Conquer | I have not the courage to conquer life | |
| 2002 Oct 29 | Cedric the Waitress | A notorious threnody pleases | |
| 1999 Jun 5 | Celibate Coinage in Whitechapel Lane | Poem composition is a task the world adores | |
| 2000 Jan 18 | Cement Listlessly Poured Upon An Impostor | When Thoth was King of Bermondsey | |
| 1999 Mar 20 | Cessations in Cocktail-Waitressing | Catastrophe has happened on a scale that Pride forbids | |
| 2006 Mar 6 | Chance Coupling Without The Responsibility | Massive friction, from her waist, | |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Channel The Avuncular | My Uncle says, "The weasel never sings." | |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Chaos Theory Disproved | Carp for breakfast, hake for tea: | |
| 2005 Sep 19 | Charity Enough For Now | Action is as action does | |
| 2004 Sep 10 | Cheery Thoughts About Society | Biting on a leaden shell, I contemplate my doom | |
| 2002 Aug 2 | Cheese Isn't For Funny Ladies | Penumbral vision | |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Cheese Pistons Of All Ages | What is this evil in our midst? | |
| 1998 Jul 4 | Cheeseboard Dusk | The Books of Heaven opened, the pages to their destinations flying! | |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Cheesecake Factory Tour | Cheer up, here's Mister Milk | |
| 1999 Jan 5 | Cherubic Implant in My Succubus | Lazy day, bowl o' porridge before me | |
| 2004 Apr 19 | Chesse-topped Minstrels | This diversion - to the moon! - | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Chipping Proverbs | A French kiss from the Blarney Stone | |
| 2004 Jun 21 | Chirping By Other Means | Yeast admixed with poisoned brine | |
| 2002 Dec 15 | Chocolate Elvis During Sessions | Oh! My sombrero is the finest, | |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Christmas Eggs (Sorry) | The lesser spotted Spoonbill | |
| 2003 Jul 9 | Chronic Sparrows of Pathology | Anthrax! Anthrax! cried Frau Schmetterling | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Chutney Feathers | Without my knife and apron, | |
| 1997 Jan 3 | Chutney, the Ragtime Crab | I sighed for the feel of formica | |
| 2004 May 24 | Circus Accountants | Dreary, dreary dogs | |
| 2003 Jul 1 | Cities | In Seville, bitter oranges grow ripe in the sun | |
| *** | 2002 Nov 15 | Civic Pyjamas Akimbo | While editing the alphabet |
| 2004 Feb 22 | Clandestine Openings Like That | Meet me in the arboretum | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Classes Unusual In School Environs | 'Mediæval frolics in the gym?', the porter queried, | |
| 1999 Dec 16 | Claudius Jointless, Claudius Pointless | The other day I found a paper clip | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Cleaning the Little Weasels | Where have all the guppies gone? | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Clerihews Are More Fun Than Sex | Charles, the Prince of Wales | |
| 2006 May 15 | Cliches But No Answer | If brevity's the soul of wit, | |
| 2004 Jan 6 | Clichés Usually Reserved For Sensitive Souls | The winter sun broke through the trees, to shine upon the meadow | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Clique That Promises Exploitation | Candidates Promises | |
| 2006 Jan 4 | Clockwork Catechism | You say 'tornado' | |
| 2001 Nov 8 | Clothes Pegs | For a man of the cloth | |
| 2000 Jan 13 | Cloudier Mystery | Gad-about Gertrude, there she gapes | |
| 1999 Jan 5 | Clouds In Angelic Underclothing | Swing down sweet cherubs and lie with me | |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Clucking Behind The Bicycle Sheds | Charlie the cheerful chicken | |
| 2007 Feb 15 | Clumps and Wisps | Orthodontists wrecked my life | |
| 1997 Nov 28 | Clustering (Algorithm Played on a Gumby) | Between the barns, half-buried | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Cluttered Nemesis | Clutch as clutch can | |
| 1998 Nov 23 | Coat-Hanger Equity | Scorn these still-born architects | |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Cocker Mouthwash | A pot of glue left me unstuck | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Cocksure | There's halfcock and moorcock | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Cocksure Wills | I dare the wind to blow contrary to my whim | |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Coffee On My Yardstick | Coffee grounds in the sink, the drain webbed with hair | |
| 2003 Dec 4 | Cogito Ergo Pogo | Ergonomic chairs and beds are presently on sale | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Cold Boff in Freedom | However shall the cold night envade, | |
| 1999 Mar 1 | Colditz Rhythm | Hellespont and Hecuba were walking down the street | |
| 2004 Mar 19 | Collaborating, Supposedly | To polevault, or to stay in bed? | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Collaboration Is Not Essential | The men and women came, from far across the land | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Collisions | Listen, my children, and you shall hear | |
| 2002 May 15 | Colonels Crooning to Their Dowagers | To bridge the gap 'twixt man and machine | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Colours | Red, green, purple, brown | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Coma Compasses | A new indictment for the meek | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Comeuppance to Astroturf | I always knew that I'd be back | |
| 2003 Jan 12 | Commentary Arising From My Previous Uncials | Another riposte | |
| 2004 Oct 17 | Compensation By Degrees | Strange transmissions, Norah says, | |
| 2006 Jun 14 | Complicated Whimper | When cloning pigs or kangaroos | |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Composers In The Ground | Just say "Baroque" and choral hymns | |
| 2002 Jun 30 | Compromises | I ponder what I dare not do, | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Compulsive Fondling By Men Of Gentility | She checked its lock a dozen times | |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Concealed In Plain Leather | Of all the nights I've spent abroad | |
| 2001 Apr 20 | Conception By Maidens (Anchovie's Verses) | How long will you be up there? | |
| 2006 Jun 13 | Concerto For Nobody And Drum | When the new one comes out | |
| 2002 Oct 1 | Conference for Solo Banjo | I sent a parcel trhough the post? | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Confessions, Truly | To dear Mrs Hoopledon, I hope you're feeling better | |
| *** | 1998 May 30 | Confusion Excuses This Apparently Plotless Fiasco | The night this narrative began |
| 1998 Jan 30 | Conical Catharsis | A parent who neglects the tasks | |
| 2001 Mar 25 | Conquer the Bandits of Love! | Remembrance is a form of rhubarb | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Consciousness for Peptides | What will they think of next, those clever clever men | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Consequences | There once was a curious cat | |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Considering Its Woodpigeons | Dial 'Clockwork' for disturbance | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Contactual Precautions and Unbecoming Curses | You must, when adding cream to recipes | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Contemplate the Stuff | Let the sun shine in! Or let it rain. | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Contempt For Moustaches | When nightfall arrives with a purplish glow | |
| 1999 Jan 28 | Continental Head | Time and again I'm obliged to remark | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Contrary Mutant | So here begins a brand new tale | |
| 2003 Feb 7 | Control of Our Feet in Darkness | Moonlight softened the angry lines | |
| 2001 Oct 12 | Conversely | Today, when none was ever born | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Cooper's Atomic Dogmeal | Inside this barrel - don't you know? - | |
| 1999 Nov 17 | Corking the Windswept Wolves | When I consider ............ no, I can't go on | |
| 2000 Mar 3 | Corporeal Longings: The Carrot Stick Of Appearances | The sun sinks slowly into the sea, or so it seems. | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Cosmos Twirls | Your new line will go here | |
| 1996 Nov 1 | Cost-effective Starlight | There is room for two legs in my trousers | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Courage, John! | Ray Harryhausen, in the days before attaining fame, | |
| 2000 Jun 8 | Courtly Like The Dancing Cobra | My brides lined up in order | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Cow Ending | You do not moo, you do not moo | |
| 2004 Aug 13 | Crabbily Dressed For Dancing Partners | To scuttle through the shallows with my claws stretched wide | |
| 2006 Aug 3 | Craig Levy, Moorhen | Now if six turned out to be nine | |
| 2003 Jun 5 | Creases Rectified by Art | Steeped in the grime of ages | |
| 2004 Oct 5 | Credible Safe Kill Factor | Virus warfare for our times | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Cremated For Bystanders | Alan Aardvark ate apples | |
| 1999 Feb 8 | Crepuscular Creation | I was excreted through a pore | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Crewcuts And Clangers | Gus Grissom ... wasn't he the one | |
| 2006 Aug 31 | Cried The Idyll | Be not so blue, my dainty dove, | |
| 2002 May 8 | Criminals in Poltics | The Captain rode to Hampton Court | |
| 2004 Sep 28 | Criterion For Studiousness In Death | It was a very shambles | |
| 2005 Jul 8 | Crop Circling Gear | To view this page as Scratch'n'Sniff | |
| 2003 Apr 30 | Cross-talk Knavery | By way of insulation | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Cruella Knew Every Hamster | I once knew a shipless Magellan | |
| 2005 Sep 3 | Crustaceans In Error | To wait upon the late express | |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Cry the Narcotic Laundry | I dreamed a quaint equation | |
| 2004 Feb 19 | Crybaby Number Nine (1967) | The lonely hearts in Sgt. Pepper's Band | |
| 2002 Jan 31 | Crying Again | Don't give me your usual whinge! | |
| 1999 Feb 21 | Crystal All Along | Dying in Luxor with the Spoonbill chill | |
| 2005 Nov 13 | Cufflinks Fascinate Nobody Except Rasputin | Gone from here, by twenty leagues, | |
| 2004 Sep 7 | Culinary Experts Seldom Agree | Add some resin to the pulp, and deftly stir: | |
| 2001 Oct 5 | Culling Ear-Trumpets by the Ganges | When Nylon paves the way for silk | |
| 2000 Oct 30 | Cullington's Theorem | There, dancing on my cranium | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Cult Irregularities | The Underbelly Cult | |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Cultural Divides | I watched a ritual of the Baluchistanis; | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Cummerbunds Will Fall (2004) | Predictions for the Coming Year | |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Cupcakes For Jesus | So many Herberts with which to contend | |
| 2003 Sep 10 | Curse Me, Fungus! | The Eskimo, my paramour | |
| 2005 Feb 28 | Custard Pied Wagtail | Gurgling free | |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Custom Paintwork Jobs | Good citizens, attend this moral tale | |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Cutlery At Noon | Silent in the dinner-queue | |
| 2001 Nov 5 | Cutlery Tissues | Is it a bug or a feature? | |
| 2002 May 8 | Cuttlebone Sandwiches | Giants, in their tiny way, | |
| 1999 Jan 11 | Cyber-Pogrom | Give me a goat and a piece of old rope and I walk right along to the fair | |
| 2005 Jan 4 | Cycling Behind The Traces | Coded in the final hour | |
| 2001 Sep 28 | Dagenham Cakeshop | Tie me to the lamp-post with a silken thread | |
| 2007 Mar 16 | Daily Porkish | Pork, to sample - on a spoon | |
| 2002 Oct 29 | Dali's Baby Next Time | The vandal! I dread | |
| 2001 Jun 6 | Dali's Uncle's Duckpond of Filth | In an old ball of string | |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Dancing JCB | Let's build a mountain | |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Dancing Peculiar | My dear Professor, listen | |
| 2003 Oct 9 | Dancing the Inevitable | Why must you dance the lambada? | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Dangerous Dancing Sensations | Who goes there? I hear your steps | |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Dangerously We Fly | "What is your destination, child? | |
| 2004 Jul 2 | Danish Polka | Bruno's head, a perfect sphere | |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Dark of Wanton | Know how the filbert leaps | |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Darling Little Orphans | When Uncle Roland came to stay | |
| 2004 Jul 29 | Dating Twilight Gals | Pogonophores and Dubliners | |
| 2001 Sep 22 | Daydream | Particularly pleasing was the scent of new-cropped straw | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Dead Sticks | Sticks and stones may break my bones | |
| 2003 Mar 7 | Dead, Undone, Unmeasured | Naked, dripping, loins all soap and tension, I rise from the bath | |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Deaf Though They Be Dubbed | Behold the spineless fossil | |
| 2006 Jun 27 | Death Again | This mausoleum, filled with Zinc, | |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Death is What the Cliché Will | Violets are blue | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Death, Shrug Off the Useless Punctuation | Cholera, my only friend | |
| *** | 1999 Aug 17 | Deathrow Welshmen Sometimes Tick | Has time stopped? |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Deatiny Shaped By Simpletons | State of action: quite inert | |
| 2003 Nov 8 | Debauchery, Alcohol, And Nothing Left | There appears to be much merriment tonight | |
| 2006 Feb 25 | Decorated With Hasty Stitches | Not another nugget | |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Deep-Fried Nostalgia | Up your nose with a rubber hose | |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Defeated by Professors of Usurpation | One escalator, one canoe: | |
| 2004 Jul 1 | Defenestrating Our Noisome Entertainers | Beckham, Rooney, Owen and Scholes | |
| 2002 Feb 5 | Defy the Hoariest Blanket | Savage is as savage does | |
| 2001 Sep 3 | Delirium's Retchings | The rapid history becomes a page unturned | |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Delusions are my Family | I love you because | |
| 2006 Sep 20 | Demanding Chocolate Money Back | While others stand empty | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Denied Dreams | The long body-swept grass | |
| 2001 Sep 12 | Dense, Dense, Dense, Dense | Celebrate good times? | |
| 2004 Oct 25 | Departures In Disarray | Sophistry, for those who wait, | |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Deserts East of Harwich | Living in a dream | |
| 2007 Feb 18 | Desire It | Whatever we choose | |
| 2004 May 28 | Desist, Whoreson Knave, Lest Great Cudgellings Befall Thee | To count the rings of Saturn | |
| 2005 Apr 21 | Despatched Again | I have a little creature | |
| 2005 Feb 11 | Desperate Kippers | Just a tingling kind of pain | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Despite Differences In Our Neckties | Judicious pruning - of a bush - | |
| 2004 Jan 7 | Despite Themselves | Captain Mesmer brought me 'round | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Destiny In Pounds | Excuse me, darling, have you put on some weight? | |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Destiny For My King Of Hastings | One day, while I was walking | |
| 2002 Apr 18 | Detonated Milk-bottle | Disorder met confusion | |
| 2005 Sep 1 | Detonating Error | A small explosion | |
| 2004 Jan 8 | Devoured By Trousers | Shut tight as a clam, not to be pried by any mere woman | |
| 1997 May 29 | Devout Epic On A Tiresome Champion | How ponderous, how ponderous | |
| 2002 Jan 17 | Dewdrop Whack, Martini Later... | The blancmange spoke, in rhyming couplets, | |
| 1997 Jan 31 | Diagnostic Encomium | Oh! How I hate his leaking bladder! | |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Diaspora With Noodles | Now is the time for Algood men | |
| 2004 Sep 2 | Dice In The Ovens Of Rheims | The early bird, that gets the lion's share | |
| 2004 Dec 14 | Dickens Saith | "A pox upon thee, wretched cur!" | |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Dictionary, You Mean | Poetry: in voice, a first! | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Diesel Pass | When you see me, pass me by | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Difficult Times | Versify where you are able | |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Diffused By Brilliant Clouds | I wandered lonely as a nerd | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Dig it, Bonobos | Fried mice and ferret stew | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Digging Around The Graveyard | For once a poem with no drawn-out themes | |
| *** | 2003 Oct 20 | Dignity for Sixty Six Possible Consonants | 'Twas on the 8th of August that the taxman came to call |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Dimmer Switch Haikus | Compounded, as an alloy | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Disaster and Cheek | 'This watch you sold me for a pig - | |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Disaster Contest | Archaic persons, flummoxed | |
| 2004 Jul 19 | Disco Infernal | Annie Lennox drove my car | |
| 2007 Mar 6 | Discovered in Ramsey | String in pieces, string combined, | |
| *** | 2000 Mar 20 | Discredited in Birmingham | Your bland mosaics, weak and pale |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Disease Me | When one would look into your eye | |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Disembodied Stuff | Dispense with this vulgarity! | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Disoriented | And now I leave this lunchtime land | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Disregard | Oh how I loathe thee, let me count the ways | |
| 2004 Aug 11 | Distant Fashion | The tram that passed the Opera | |
| 2006 Jun 22 | Distressing | Basingstoke is mentioned in Henry 4 Part 2 | |
| 2001 Oct 16 | Disused Mouse | Teal creeps | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Do Bubba Nano | Jazz, pizzazz, and razzmatazz | |
| 2002 Dec 9 | Documentary Highlight | In the depths of Epping town | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Dodgy Flaps | Too gracious for a moonlight flit | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Does Anybody Else Think That We Aren't Seeing Much? | The paupers, intimiate with secrets of the court, | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Dog Life Dance | There once was a dog named Mollie | |
| 2005 Feb 28 | Dog-biscuit Dunking | I paid for all this road myself | |
| 2000 Mar 29 | Doglike Doings | I remember Folkestone in December | |
| 2000 Jan 4 | Dome Settling Dimly | A thousand years and each one gone | |
| *** | 2004 Jul 2 | Domestic Meltdown | The problem is easy to see |
| 2003 Aug 30 | Don Prufrock, Life of Tedium | The internet crawled to a halt | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Don't Align Me! | Before enraptured earthworms find you | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Don't Do Never | Never tip a robot waiter | |
| 2004 Feb 18 | Doom Dealt Deftly | The djinn that made me sneeze | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Door To Indisposable Sleep | The haiku returns | |
| 2004 Dec 16 | Doubly Formal Zebras | To hoist a somewhat smaller flag | |
| 2005 May 4 | Doughboy Graduates | Cookies and biscuits, crackers and buns | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Dour Poetry for Fools in Love | Roses are dead | |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Doves, Couples, Quarks, Exigencies | Give me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Down Hallways and Corridors | Keats and Sandburg, Dickinson, Yeats | |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Dragon-tail Drunk | Going out again | |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Dragonfly With Diamonds | We who were not bound to rhyme | |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Drastic Therapy For Two | There hast never been a thing more shiny | |
| 2000 Nov 10 | Drawing-Rooms, The Only Terminus | Now my charms are all o'erthrown | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Drawn | Irresistibly, I feel drawn | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Drawn By The Pencils Of Night | When all the world is still and quiet | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Dreaming | I fear I cannot hope to match | |
| *** | 1997 Feb 21 | Dreaming of a Swamp and the Holy River | As we starve in our secret Alaskas |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Dreaming Of Bagels And Java | When you met me in the restaurant | |
| 2001 Dec 11 | Dreaming Our Favourite Cyclones | Wandering churchwardens, speaking in tongues | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Dreams | How oft in wet dreams do I walk | |
| 2004 Jul 21 | Dreams Of Soup Kitchens | A mile or so beyond | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Dreamy | He was the man of her dreams - tall, dark and Estonian | |
| 2006 Apr 5 | Dreary Days Compounded By Snowstorms | Have you seen the Nothing man, | |
| 2004 Sep 9 | Drenched In Watery Ends | Your putative queen, dear sire, has fled, | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Dressed To Curl | Staring blankly through the glass | |
| 2000 May 15 | Drinking Electricity (Sonnet) | One sonnet is too short to tell the charms | |
| 2005 Feb 8 | Drive-By Morality | So how ya doin', Mrs. Knapp? | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Drooling Without Dementia | An empty page is | |
| 2006 Jul 17 | Drum Dazed | The hideous spectre of her purse | |
| 2002 Mar 22 | Dubious Factory | When, in the night, I start to doubt | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Dubious Peacenik | A walking shrub shall grace our shores | |
| 2000 May 30 | Duck Soup Stories | When Duck and Gerbil went adventuring | |
| 2004 Oct 17 | Dunciad Of Love-sick Hands | To fetishise her silhouette | |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Dunciad Variorum | 'Twas Pope who wrote that angels fear | |
| 2005 Jul 30 | Duodenal Backwater | Behold a scone that I have baked! | |
| 2007 Mar 2 | Duplicitous Herrings in Identifiable Watercourses | Catechresis mumbles, in the final act, | |
| 2002 Jul 10 | During Gordon's Last Gloaming | Apostles of the menopause | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Dustbins Spilt Diamonds | Brighter than the cabbages | |
| 2003 Dec 2 | Dyslexia Is A Condition Much Like Nay Other | A narry stight, a brentle geeze | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Dystopia The Moose | In this city there are no angels | |
| 2006 Apr 20 | Each Circle Will Shake | Judicious combination | |
| 2004 Jun 25 | Each Dainty Ballerina And Her Imaginary Pilchard | This happy nest has made me cry | |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Each Recusrive Reader | On a moonful night, strangely bright | |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Each Syllable Concocted By Buddhists | The pulse that beats within a flea | |
| 2004 Jul 14 | Each Weary Welcoming | To redefine our clique | |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Eager Beef | A toast by any other name is but burnt bread | |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Eagles Can Never Despair | Demons of the centrifuge | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Eardrums In The Dark Theatre | I never sensed a larger void | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Ears for Eyelids | Sleep is coming soon | |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Ears Like Quinqueremes | Your ears are rather droopy | |
| 1999 Jan 30 | Earth Telegram | A shrew without wings | |
| 2002 Nov 18 | Earthenware Thinkers | Behold her single in the field | |
| 2000 Sep 27 | Earthly Salutes | Perhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand | |
| 1999 Apr 9 | Easter Greetings | Resurrection! | |
| 2006 Feb 16 | Eating The Accountants Until Babbage Leaves | How we wonder, how we wonder | |
| 1997 Sep 20 | Echoes Echoes, Without | By 'Custody' I do not mean | |
| 2006 Apr 4 | Echoes Of Ashes | Mississipi, come to me! | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Effigy | Right among the maddened crows | |
| 2004 Oct 26 | Effortless Abyss | Cold crustaceans, diving deep, | |
| 2000 Jun 29 | Eggs And Artillery | The gambler folds his hand and sets his gaze | |
| 2006 Aug 3 | Eight Parrots, Seven Rogues | Hengist had the brightest sword | |
| *** | 1997 Jan 19 | Eldred's glum, glum spleen | The dictionary was far from green |
| 2002 Oct 21 | Electon | 'Cobblers, plain bloody cobblers', the fireman roared, | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Electra Syndrome | Ralibut of Halibut pretended to be mad, | |
| 2002 Mar 13 | Eliot's Daily Variations | The flat sky | |
| 2006 May 12 | Elixirs Of Godknows What | I took a sip. I didn't know | |
| 2006 Sep 1 | Elizabethan Lemonade | It is said that a codpiece, selected to cover | |
| 2004 May 25 | Ellis Inland | Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light | |
| 2000 May 16 | Embezzlement | When Ogden Nash ran out of cash | |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Embonpoint Sandwiches | Globe and Jerusalem, we venerate | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Emergency Headlessness | Emergency! Emergency! | |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Emilia And Her Tremendous Brainpower | In my cardboard cardigan | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Empty Promises among the Symbols of the North | Ampersand, I love thee | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | End And End | Three score and ten years ago | |
| 2004 Jan 18 | End-time Octave | What time does the apocalypse start? | |
| 1999 Feb 2 | Endless Power, Our Sole Accomplishment | Inflamed with paranoia | |
| 2000 May 8 | Endlessly Transitory | When my Doppelganger calls | |
| 2006 Jan 11 | Enduring Without Succor | If fish could scream | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | English Literature Code | Rhyming isn't everything, and scansion's overrated | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Enigma Who Will Someday Prove Secret | Why do you stare, do you think that I care? | |
| 2005 Jul 4 | Enough Bagels Disavowed | In spite of all your after-shave | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Enough Is | Here, there and everywhere | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Enough Of Death | Sharp as a razor my misericordia | |
| 2005 Jan 26 | Enough Said: The Undershirts Finally Arrived | Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN! | |
| 2005 Apr 19 | Enough To Warrant Onions | In praise of whelks, I roam the moors: | |
| 2001 Nov 15 | Entropy Without Harlots | Interlinear is the best | |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Envious Neighbors | They say that those who live their lives | |
| 2003 Jun 26 | Epic Gorgonzola Quest | In China, once, an Emperor | |
| 2004 Sep 17 | Epic Oration Looms To Starboard | In time to come, rememb'rance of this hour | |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Epistle upon the Ancient Streams | Sir: | |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Epitaph for an Asymmetrical Arrrangement of Bears | Tie them to the bowsprit? With a scratched CD? | |
| 1998 Sep 19 | Epitaph for the Ninth Night Shift | A snowman, weaned on Castor Oil | |
| 2006 Aug 1 | Equator Blown Over | I never met my sister till I was twenty-three | |
| 2000 Oct 11 | Equator Protest | Teach history slowly | |
| 2003 Jun 30 | Erie Canal | The creek oozes down through the dimwitted wood | |
| 2002 Oct 5 | Erupting Like Flamingoes | Gone, the subtle; | |
| 2007 Feb 5 | Escapades That Truncate Themselves | As with gladness men of old | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Escape Attempts | There once was a Cornishman, Lee, | |
| 2002 Sep 29 | Escstatic, Dogmatic | She declared herself democratic, | |
| 2000 May 15 | Essay - Let's Not | It's a terrible start to a poem | |
| 2004 Aug 24 | Estonian Homonyms | This encroachment, on my lawn, | |
| 2006 Mar 29 | Ethereal Sequence | Ether, real | |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Etiquette Toward Farm Animals | When addressing a horse, remember the rule: | |
| 2003 Nov 9 | Etruscan! Tuscan! Bohemian! Persian! Theban? | Is it a source of insolent pride | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Euthansia without Gregariousness | How often have I pruned a tree | |
| 2004 Feb 10 | Even Duplication Factors | Say hello to Chutney Spears | |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Even Elves Entirely Excellent | Twixt D and F I'm found, but missing from this ballad | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Even Time Will Have to Tread the Path | A thousand opportunities | |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Evening Along Its Transverse Axis | This caustic little ditty | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Evenings Much Like This | There is magic in the air tonight | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Evensong, worn thin through scraping | 'Nautilus shall be my theme', | |
| 2005 Feb 16 | Ever Onward Through Muck | Before the gullet goes to ground | |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Every Phrase Yodelled by Wagner | Parsifal was bleeding from the gramophone | |
| 2004 Dec 14 | Every Third Word Recited Effortlessly (Canticle ) | "A pox upon thee, wretched cur!" | |
| 2004 Aug 18 | Evidence From Pablum Mechanics | It isn't right, it isn't wrong | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Evident Hypocrisy | The stack's not much fun anymore | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Exceptional Disgrace | A mighty creature is the wife | |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Exceptions That Shimmer | Mine is the cat that is eating your trout | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Excess Ease Coming | Who welds a poem huger than the grave? | |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Exchange: Offer Me Something | I'll make you an offer you can't refuse | |
| 2002 May 11 | Exculpatory Dancing | Giants, in their tedious way | |
| 2007 Jan 24 | Exegetical Heresies | Behold the Lamb of God | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Exemptions for the Uneducated Lozenge | THREE WORDS PER LINE, UNRHYMED | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Exhausted Bus of Sand | I took a Greyhound bus to Timbuktu | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Existentially Imbued | (haiku) Why must you insist | |
| 2000 Apr 3 | Explode, My Foot! | Give me a piece of hoary old leather! | |
| 1999 Sep 13 | Explorers from Futility | The 'Big Adventure' all began on a day of trepidation | |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Extended Gravity From The Spectral Register | Gosh! That cat's obscenely fat! | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Extraterrestial Wingnuts | Hooper wouldn't say his name | |
| 2004 Mar 29 | Extraterrestrial, Improperly Aligned | The cookbook used by Dr Who | |
| 2005 Mar 18 | Eye-Flavored Scrutiny | Prodigiously attractive | |
| 2002 Aug 5 | Eyelash Radio | Necessity's the mother of invention | |
| 2004 Aug 8 | Eyeliner How Ever Loosely Bent | Ridicule for penguins only makes them slide | |
| 2004 Dec 17 | Facile Farewell | Taking umbrage, in the Nile, | |
| 2004 Jul 14 | Fail By Then If Never | Calisthenic ribaldry shall not win you the prize! | |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Failure Threaded By Screws | A wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Faintly Wild, Like Justice and Love | Let me describe the love of my life | |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Faithful Enough Before Lunch | At the age of thirty-seven | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Fallen | I've fallen and I can't get up | |
| 1997 Feb 23 | False Memories of a Papal Failure | I blench to acknowledge my failure | |
| 2001 May 21 | False Tales of My Calumny | Bring me an egg-whisk, and sand-blast my shoes! | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Fandango Lashing | I've told you once, I've told you twice, | |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Fantastic Tabletop Of Suction | Rebuke, like gossip from the sun | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Farce Of | Types of Medical Coverage | |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Farewell, Mutiny | Cease to sway | |
| 2005 Aug 8 | Farewell, My Lively Oystercatcher Nymphs | Heading off to sunny climes | |
| 2004 Dec 17 | Farfetched | I'll be home for Christmas (alas!) | |
| 2005 Mar 30 | Fashion Misstated | There was an old man from Sioux Falls | |
| *** | 2001 Jan 7 | Fashionable, The Unseemly Lexicographer | There is, I've heard, an organist, who plays at half past three |
| 2006 Jun 15 | Fasting Myths | That loathsome letter taints the page | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Fasting with Predictable Terror | For many years, this story has remained untold | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Fate Knocks at Victorian Doors | There was a young plumber from Dorset | |
| *** | 2001 Mar 22 | Father, Forgive Our Carpentry | The practice of law is a terminal bore |
| 2003 Jan 23 | Fauré, Mendacious In Cairo, | Less than catarrh | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Favorite Wigs | Crewcuts, pompadours, bouffants, and mohawks | |
| 2000 Nov 21 | Favourite Cheese-Mongers | Beefy, Loaf and Costorphine all went upon a jaunt, | |
| 2002 Jan 14 | Fawning Without Distinction | My regard for you does not acknowledge borders! | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Feathery Fiends | What is the matter, my fine-feathered friend? | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Feet Were Walking | When I was young did eagerly frequent | |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Felicity Kendall's Lovely Armpits | When you said you were my friend | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Fellatio Limericks | There was an old geezer from Kent | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Fellow Unravellers | I'd like to raise a glass to my friends across the sea | |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Fencing Our Glass Baby | For all your faults | |
| 1999 Feb 2 | Ferdinand's Elm | A grey seal, with grace of an eel | |
| 1999 Nov 12 | Fermenting the Woman from the Surgery | Achilles stole my hobby-horse | |
| 2003 Jan 23 | Ferocious Nightgowns | In dread of the foe | |
| 2005 Nov 23 | Fester's Last Words | It takes a man with real strength to deplore | |
| 2006 May 11 | Fester, Farewell | Fester, farewell | |
| 1997 Jul 13 | Fetch Away Fish! | Yellowing leaves frame a watery sky | |
| 2005 Aug 10 | Fields Of Everywhere | His secretary's teeth were sown | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Fifteen Broken Things | One day my name will be up in lights | |
| 1997 Jun 7 | Fifteen Oblique Whiskers | A table of kinship for all the world's cats | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Fight the Defiant Epithets for Sleeping Chickens | The customer is always right! | |
| 2003 Sep 10 | Filling For That Apocalyptic Sandwich | Who ate my doughnuts? I could weep | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Filling the Proverbial Crannies | I try to Haiku | |
| 1997 Oct 31 | Finally, the Revelation that Armpits aren't Necessary | The twenty-first of Autumn | |
| 2000 May 15 | Fingering Second Every Town | While blotting my escutcheon | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Finis is | This is the first line | |
| 2001 Jan 6 | Finnegan's Ascending Nostril | Alphabetic poetry often can | |
| 2001 Feb 19 | Firestorm Fingers | Have you heard the story of the Chattlewhump, my son? | |
| 2003 Feb 20 | First Downtime | Emollient, conciliatory, I ventured | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | First Glimpse Of Summer This Autumn | A 21st Century Christmas Carol | |
| 2003 Aug 16 | Fish Brocade | Who needs rhetorical questions? | |
| 2003 Nov 22 | Fish Jam Voting | The elephants of Iceland were meeting for the talks | |
| 2004 Aug 9 | Fish Remedies For Mischief | Not a feather, nor a leaf, | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Fishies Swimming Silently | My glitzy one, my little twerp | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Fishing for the Deal Makers | This time, Sam, we'll make a deal | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Fishy Outlaw Escapes | A handsome young mackeral, named Frank, | |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Flame White Trash! | I went to bat for you so many times, and how have you repaid me? | |
| 2006 Feb 11 | Flames Coated With Heavy Penalties | The flames were gone, but, yet, a tiny ember | |
| 2001 May 14 | Flange Matrix - Paradise Of The Stars | Bubbles float up grassy-treed slopes | |
| 2005 Mar 7 | Flaring Hairclips | In latter days of green and blue | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Flattery of a Goose | When starting on a masterpiece | |
| 2004 Feb 20 | Flawed Inheritance | Agnes played the cymbals, three nights a week | |
| 2000 Apr 11 | Fleeing Another Bloody Tuesday | Is this all | |
| 2001 Mar 11 | Fleeing, The Sticky Eremite Scratches | Poetry and Poesy declined to fight a duel, | |
| 2004 Feb 1 | Flight Recorder In Mink | Shocked by his failure to fly, | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Floating My Delicious | Indescribably delicious doodads | |
| 2002 May 9 | Flood-plain Eembargoes | Once upon a greyhound dreary, | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Florizel Inclined | Hide me, my darling, in your tresses! | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Flowing The Fable | Once upon a time in a faraway land | |
| 2007 Jan 16 | Fly Nightmares | A carthorse, baked in bread | |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Fogey | Now here is a story, it's really quite gory and really quite sad to relate | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Folks Who Smoke Soap | Mendicant Sam was a broken man | |
| 2000 Sep 17 | Fondling Benedict: The Groan Matrix | When Time has run its merry dance | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Food | In the pages of a dusty book | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Food For Sentimental Souls Like Us | Turkey, yams and pumpkin pie | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Food for the Twin | Kielbasa is a sausage quite sublime | |
| 2003 Jun 20 | For an Unknown Frog | The semi thrummed o'er seams in the open road | |
| 1999 Aug 6 | For My Bunny Rabbit | 'Give me back my arquebus!', cried Randolph Great the Third | |
| 1998 Jan 23 | For Tadpole Perkins | 'Don't carry the coal to the amethyst pool, | |
| 2005 Jul 22 | For The Draining-board That Survivors Clutch | Step this way, you man o' war, | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Foresight in F Minor (Haydn) | Where have our old-timers gone? | |
| 2003 Dec 18 | Forever In Love With Marilyn | There was an old goatherd named Bill | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Forever Spinning | Spinning, falling, | |
| 1999 Feb 15 | Forever Strontium | Plug me in a catheter if there are any left | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Forever The Syntax Omelette | The gas oven sings a sweet song to my leadened seratonin | |
| 2004 Jul 6 | Forget About Broken Daisies | When you take a taxicab, don't forget to tip | |
| 2001 Aug 18 | Forget Neptune | Trumpets are green | |
| 2004 Feb 19 | Forgive, Offhandedly | While you were away | |
| 2004 Jan 11 | Forgotten Blips Of The Ages Neolithic | All I crave is a little attention | |
| 2001 Dec 12 | Forgotten Riposte V | Thematic spoonful, years of corn | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Forlorn Ode To Verse | On Helicon, the Muses gather round | |
| 2004 Jun 18 | Forswear Courage | Hollie was a hostage | |
| 2002 Aug 23 | Fortissimo Epilogue | Whenne that Julye, with its weather bloodie | |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Four Times Four Is Tonic | So ... how to subvert the Age of Consent? | |
| 1999 Jun 21 | Fracturating Kippers: This Homophonic Harmonium | Meet my typing-tutor | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Fractured Hearts Have Missed Innumerable Chances | How graven seem those fractured tarts | |
| 2007 Feb 19 | Fragments Concluded | Union State gave way to blues - in a doleful way - | |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Fraternal Greetings To Reverend Cuticle's Oppossum | Arabella Spommit had three cousins slim and tall | |
| 2002 Aug 30 | Frau Jung Was My Mainstay | Donkey shot, the French would call it | |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Frauds? Yes | Let us now praise famous men | |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Free at Halloween | The house was haunted, so they said | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Frequency Of Dinner Jackets | I did not think a coddled egg | |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Friday Goof-Off | Motivation now departed, though the day is not yet done | |
| 2004 Aug 19 | Friday Night Aspirants | At least it isn't hailing | |
| 1996 Nov 28 | Frisson | What I say is seldom what I mean, | |
| 2001 Nov 20 | Frogmen Imminent | 'Tis time! 'Tis time! The deed is done | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Frogs and Stale | The frog comes in on little fat feet | |
| 2001 Oct 8 | From Chocolate Time-Zones | Her eye is not my voice | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | From Here, Hence And Further | Is there anything I can say | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | From Prussia Without Stamps | Mercator's projection had one tiny flaw | |
| 1998 Apr 19 | From Underneath Diana's Toast | Its stuns me, like it stuns us all | |
| 1999 Feb 8 | From... | At the end of my tether I fastened a kite | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Fructose Frogs For Little Boys | A line of sawdust or cocaine | |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Frugal Jars Of Mine Filled With Other Piglets | It's a glossary, they claim, | |
| 1998 May 14 | Frugal the Frog | Behold the frugal cactus | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Fruit Is Like Life | My life is like a grapefruit | |
| 2003 May 3 | Fruitful Duck Soup | My goldfish likes to do the monkey bars | |
| 2002 Apr 4 | Fugitive and Funcle | Reading avidly, yet slowly, I devoured the novel. | |
| 1999 Aug 23 | Full Confession for the Titans | Pay up! Pay up! It's not a game, you know | |
| 2003 Mar 19 | Fun in the Unnerving Moonlight (Rembrandt's Schooldays) | I've always been taught to report what I thought | |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Further Epsom Salts | How far can we fall | |
| 1999 May 18 | Further from the Beatiful Foot | The rate of completion increases | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Further The Pope's Unwitting Conversion | Down the gullet, soft and sweet | |
| 2002 Jan 23 | Fustian Comfits | Portable women | |
| 2005 Jan 27 | Futile | Ripe bananas, ten a pound! Grapes to fit a feast! | |
| 2001 Jan 24 | Future Dereliction Of Duty | Somewhere in the evening, at a screen not far from you | |
| 2005 Apr 20 | Future Species Will Not Tolerate Hotels | If the Sun was to die today | |
| 2002 May 14 | Gabriel's Hiccoughs | Sledgehammer? I thought to use a shovel | |
| 2005 Oct 11 | Gabriel, So Rotund | It's a wonderful life, to be sure | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Gadfly Pudding | Side by side sat F & N, with monitors opposed, | |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Gambits Under Glass | This time, then another, then - perhaps - once more | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Gamesmanship (The Piglets) | Oink on, you crazy pigman | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Garbanzos | Falafel was not feeling well | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Garden Shoes of the Vaudeville Monsters | Monsters in the garden | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Gargled End | By the time you read this message | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Gargling Troubadours | Why must you gargle on the couch? | |
| 2002 Aug 7 | Gartled Invertebrate Forum | 'Subtle', spelt with seven Ps | |
| 2007 Feb 17 | Gates Shut By Accident | Stunned, stunned | |
| 2004 Feb 12 | Gateways Home To Worthing | We set out, full of hope and ale, one grey December morn | |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Gathering Clouds While Visigoths Circle | Let me be the first to say, it's nice to have you back | |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Gaugin, You Villain | See, saw; go, gone; | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Gene Pylons | Andromaque: 'twixt bloodied sheets | |
| 2004 Nov 23 | Generally Too Much Opulence | How lithely do these lilliputians leap | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Genesis is the Only Truth | O Universe, O sparkling void, teach me of thy ways | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Gentrification is a Giggle | Whene'er I see a falling star | |
| 2001 Feb 8 | Geometry Crawls Nightwards | Their shop lay in a triangle | |
| 2000 Dec 13 | Getting to Loathe You | Dinner jacket,, morning-suit | |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Ghastly Appendages | Oh, it's all quite ghastly | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Ghazal to Asylum | I fear that one day they will carry me off | |
| 2005 Oct 11 | Ghent Is Abandoned Now, So Gloucester Weeps | My salad days were mainly spent | |
| 2003 Sep 14 | Ghosts for My Poster | Dorian hung on my parlour wall | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Giggling Idols | What of Phaeton, Hyperion, Icarus, the angel Lucifer? | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Gilbert, With Giants in Hand | Have you met my wee friend, Gilbert? | |
| 2002 Mar 7 | Gingerbread Housing Corporation | Gretel's luxuriant hairy schnauzer was a bitch! | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Gingersnaps (Why Dress Up?) | Maxine's coming into town, but look at all this | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Giraffe Shoe Happenstances | Would you care to multiply? | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Girlish Lavender Hues | How feminine, this colour scheme! | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Give It Some Welly Now! | To think of bursting as a chore | |
| 2004 Jul 13 | Glaswegians In Time-share Bodies | On a hilltop, left of Rheims, | |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Glibness for Fakenham | Bills are overdue, your car has broken down | |
| 2000 Nov 15 | Glistening <I>Obbligatos</I> | Oh ripely reeking Camembert! | |
| 1997 Aug 15 | Gloucestershire My Undiscovered Child | His elbow never faltered | |
| 2004 Jul 30 | Gloucestershire Throughout Devon | 'Tis the ebbing of the eyes | |
| 2003 Jan 8 | Gloves of Careful Nutmeg | Like rising, having slept for years, | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Glow Experimental | Madame Curie created quite a glow | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Glyphs And Cryptographic Chance | Red rocks; blue skies; a snooze and air refreshed | |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Go, Authors of My Lunch! | See how you like it, Mr. Black! | |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Go-Faster Waistcoat | Faster than the human mind can ever comprehend | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Goals and Perils | We have searched the world for treasure | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Goatishness : A Change For The Better | Before I owned a goat-face mask | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Goats Cannae Knit | There was a young man from Kilbride | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | God's Void Devoid | You stare impassively at the world | |
| 2006 Mar 16 | Godliness In Three-four Time | He walked his widow home | |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Going off the Boil | If love cannot foretell the past | |
| 2006 May 4 | Good Bugs | We must perform a Quirkafleeg | |
| 2005 Feb 7 | Good-luck To Endless Sorrow | Leastways, said the meter man, You'll always have some fish | |
| 2005 Nov 13 | Goodfellow Moses | A secret door | |
| 1999 Aug 27 | Googlehimmel (Pathetic Science) | Is it so? Have you not heard? | |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Googlewhacking Report | Tragically, we must report this sad fact: | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Googly | lying in a ditch of binjo | |
| 2002 Mar 20 | Goose Desk | The roots of criminal intent | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Goose Nuts | Be like the squirrel | |
| 2005 Feb 23 | Gorgon Cookies | Just imagine thirteen cakes aglitter in the night: | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Gorgonzola Prevaricates | My gorgonzola often swells | |
| 1998 Feb 26 | Gossamer Binary Cheesburger | Perhaps it was something I said, | |
| 2002 Jan 16 | Grandiose Gestures, Futile Drivel | 'Leave me @peace.com', my nephew cried, | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Grandma Ain't Old Enough For Birthdays Any More | Grandma still sports a teased bouffant | |
| 2002 Oct 2 | Grappling infrequently with the engine-driver's antibodies | These comedy moths | |
| 2006 Jun 22 | Grave Mayhem | An awful example of verse | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Gravel for My Poignant Cotillion | Flippant poignancy | |
| 2003 Dec 19 | Greatly Exaggerated Half-truths | Tim sits alone at his desk in the dark | |
| *** | 2005 Jan 17 | Grey From Top To Towpath | Upon the next-to-shortest day |
| 2004 Jun 20 | Grid Of Life Expectant | The weight of expectation is pressing on my brain | |
| 2003 Jan 28 | Groovy Chicks Abound Herein | Big stuff is going down, dude | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Growing Like Bacteria | Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Grudges Over The Family Fishing Rights | Anthony Blair | |
| 2000 Jul 24 | Guildford, Epping, Tooting | When you proposed this concert | |
| 2005 Nov 16 | Guile In Any May | Awestruck in the horse-truck, | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Guilelessly, No | Gus Grissom ... wasn't he the dude | |
| 2004 Jan 7 | Gums And Tongues | Out, fry of lechery? | |
| 2003 Nov 14 | Gumshoe In Divers Forests | I've never been the sort of man | |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Habits Of Old Liberals Foregone | "devolve prolific coconut" advised the sophic spam | |
| 2004 Jun 22 | Haddock Framing | I berate you for infecting | |
| 2005 Jan 25 | Haddock Versus Anchovies: Discuss | My tension's most unmenstrual, | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Hades Doesn't Matter | Persephone will not emerge; I've heard it from the highest source | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Haiku With Problems | The jester donned his liripipe | |
| 1999 Dec 23 | Hail Noddy! | Something whispers in my ear | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Hair | He urged me to go get a perm | |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Hairless of Sins | Her body glistened, hairless quite, | |
| 2003 Nov 6 | Hairpiece | When you trim the hair away | |
| 2004 Jan 1 | Hake Sprouts | My sister, Sue, has several suitors | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Halcyon | See how all the daffodils | |
| 2005 Oct 25 | Half Baked Wholly | Stalk the streets of Serenissima | |
| 2006 Mar 2 | Half The Time Left To Us | Have you met my little friend, Bip? | |
| 1998 Jan 5 | Half-wits in Paradise | I've heard it said that Hell is other people | |
| 2002 Nov 15 | Halibut Without | I ate my salad in a huff: | |
| 2003 Oct 6 | Hammering On The Eyeliner | Kick down the door of the lipstick factory | |
| 2004 Mar 31 | Hammerklavier, Dissonantly | The late sonatas on a lute? | |
| 1999 Apr 26 | Handel's Balletic Hymen | Virginal scrapings are like unto gold | |
| 2006 Jan 29 | Handy Men Poised With Unguents | If beating fleas was my habit | |
| 1997 Feb 2 | Hanging (Tidal) | Key of diamonds, tempest | |
| 2004 May 28 | Hanging Trout Fancying Grandmothers | I dropped it down the wishing well | |
| 2002 Apr 4 | Hannibal's Eggcup | Faint amalgam, fashioned quite | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Happiness, The Noose Of Love | Poetry I never knew found love on your demise | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Happy Ode to Love Unbounded | Come with me, My Love, and see good Nature's fairest flow'r | |
| 2000 Dec 14 | Happy Those Who Bother Not To Wash Emus | Now is the time for joyful feasts | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Harrumph Parumph Gallumph | How silly, you're suddenly snooty | |
| 1997 Apr 26 | Harry In The Blue Toast-Rack | Hail! Hale-Bopp and roll upon your starry roundelay | |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Harvest Me Gently Yet | There's many pheasant pluckers farm life's field | |
| 2004 Feb 22 | Harvested From Unsavoury Pulpits | Only a man. | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Haunted Colours | Lacerated insights pour into my head | |
| 2003 Oct 8 | Have Pickles, Everyone! | Pencilled eyebrows, shaven legs | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Have the Patience of the Broken | I'm building castles in the sky | |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Have You Enough Putty? | Wetching in the tersome rain | |
| 2002 Dec 14 | Having Stacy In Song | Why don't we rename Christmas? | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Havoc with Spring-Loaded Crutches | The worm has made our cities black | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Hayseed, Huh? | Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Hazardous Waist | Forty-seven atheists have gathered round my grave | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | He Knew I Was a Frog | Miss Piggy was making a fuss | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | He Knew Lake Geneva | Taupe plateaus, a turquoise skyThe bleached bones of oxen | |
| 2006 Dec 17 | He See Nothing With Relish | The price of dodging RSI | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | He-she me? | A limerick often is dirty | |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Headless Parrots | When Granma discovered my dungeon | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Heart Shines | The moon will nevermore | |
| 2002 May 28 | Hearts, Like Crystals, Dissolve into Nothingness | Finesse the Queen! Finesse the Queen! | |
| 2005 Aug 1 | Heathen Lent | Ingest this canapé of grime? | |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Heather Eliot's Bottom Line | April is the cruellest month | |
| 2005 Jul 18 | Heave Aside Our Plundering Pharoah | At seven Gs | |
| 2002 Jan 22 | Heavier Than Hymnodists | BNW, dreaded term, infects my thought | |
| *** | 1996 Dec 16 | Hectoring tripe | Enough of your brutal evasions! |
| 2004 Nov 8 | Heliotrope Spores | If waking life had time for dreams | |
| 1999 Jan 3 | Hell Fruit | If you think that I'm the reject, then I'll thrash you till you're blue | |
| 2005 Aug 23 | Help! Aunt Potter Stole My Neckerchief | Trust me with your pudding store | |
| 2004 Mar 30 | Hen Pectoral Commemorated | Suffolk Asian – who would choose | |
| 2000 Jul 11 | Henderson's Decline | 'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked | |
| 2000 May 23 | Hengist's coming to get you, Horsa | In Persia's lands, there is a wisp that terrifies the priests. | |
| 2004 Oct 9 | Hens Pretend To Bend Spoons | Infestation's not a problem, but the cure! | |
| 1999 Jan 31 | Her Daymare | On the far side of the beach: abyss | |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Her nerveless dressing-table, regarding which | Although her skull is squat and flat | |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Her Northampton Boudoir | Bengeo is just the place to start a bitter feud | |
| 2000 Jul 18 | Her Promiscuity Made Good | Shall I compare thee to a coach and four? | |
| 2002 Apr 29 | Her Prophylactic Wednesdays (Compensatory Voucher) | In days before the Diceman | |
| 2005 Nov 7 | Here Is Owl | Glimpsed through barbed wire | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Here Moon, There Another | We sailed on the third of July | |
| 2006 Jun 8 | Hereinafter Hake | To view the ocean from a cliff | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Heresy Of Cosmic Sanity | The moon is made of cheese, and so | |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Heroic and Auspicious | In Hastings, once, there should an elm, | |
| 2002 Feb 7 | Heroic, We Know Nothing | Boil my leg before you go - | |
| 2003 Feb 5 | Herring Orphans of All Totnes | How horrid is the elephant | |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Hertfordshire Joke | I add some lard to every bath-time mix | |
| 2001 Oct 3 | Hidden Are Our Own Inept Performances | Blended with the hint of curling smoke came release | |
| 2003 Mar 18 | Hidden By Hygiene Fairies | If only these kids knew what I | |
| 2006 Dec 15 | Hidden Works | Just a hint of twilight | |
| 2001 Oct 9 | Hideous Indeed | Jarrow is my noble home | |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Hideum Cat | Banalities, encountered twice, | |
| 1997 Jun 17 | Hiding Like A Hun (Portia's Lament) | Here comes the knight, mail clad, through the border | |
| 2005 Jul 19 | High Teeth | Juicy plums for me to bite! | |
| 1997 Sep 10 | Highgate Hopeful | As we crested the brow of the ultimate hill | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Highly Prized Hydrocarbon | Titrate this acid, if you please, against this salt, | |
| 2005 Jul 11 | Highways, Byways, Afterthoughts | Kaleidoscopes in bronze and zinc | |
| 2003 May 30 | Hilariously Pregnant | I guffaw but twice per night, | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Hills Speak of Chlorine | The old mountain holds a secret | |
| 2003 Sep 28 | Hindsight Blindness | If I had known that this would be | |
| 2004 Oct 20 | His Lady Grammarian | Babbling as the brook in spate, | |
| 2006 Jun 18 | His Lucky Skull Has Perished | In his ochre jodhpurs | |
| 2004 Jan 11 | His Own Lewd Vespers | My penchant's mathematical | |
| 2005 Jul 25 | His Trusty League | Never measured, never loved, | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | History Repeats Itself Itself Frequently Despite Appearances To The Contrary | Ten thousand men have lost their lives | |
| 2004 Nov 14 | Hittite Words Of Unforgiving | A gentleman of oriental character | |
| 2002 Dec 10 | Ho, Whoreson Pimp! | The alphabet should be curtailed: | |
| 1997 Jan 3 | Hoisting Eyeball Three | We were always in her debt | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Holding Nigella Lawson's Python | Whenas April with his sweet showers | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Holographic Implant | Tales of magic and mystery | |
| 2004 Oct 11 | Holy Things Always Worry Women | Who will search | |
| 2005 Jan 18 | Home Schooling And No Bidets | Twice in one day! A rare delight | |
| 2004 May 26 | Home Time Before Cock-crow | Why do I sit here, why do I strive | |
| 1999 Apr 4 | Homer Retranslated | Conversations are a winding down of time for most, | |
| 1998 Mar 18 | Homer, Art Thou Heat and Lightness? | Before the dawn, the darkest hour | |
| 2006 Mar 15 | Homeward Boundary | We flee the sun, and head back to the gray | |
| 2000 May 23 | Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedral | The cards were dealt, and in my hand | |
| 2003 Oct 9 | Honestly, If Anyone Dares Mention Earwax Again... | Among the elbows, as a rogue | |
| 2001 Apr 13 | Hook Performance | In the deepest part of the pool | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Hope Squeals 'Wahoo!" | Dispel those neverending qualms | |
| 2001 Dec 6 | Hopping Around the Fringes | Up, the new down | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Horace is What We Like | Would you like to waltz or samba? | |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Horizons Known Only to the Certain | Over the listing, under the stamp | |
| 2001 Dec 17 | Horse-Box Politics | The Devil's in the detail | |
| 1997 Apr 15 | Horse-Face Shrike In Lonely Dialogue | By leaving no margin for error | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Horseback Spirits of the Ghost Town | On a dusty road in an outback town | |
| 2005 Jan 27 | Horses Most Definitely | Spanish onions, in the dark, | |
| 2004 Jul 22 | Horticultural Adages Designed By Sadistic Schoolmarms | Artichokes stop chasing, when the sunset glows, | |
| 2005 Dec 15 | Hosiery On Half-forgotten Nuns | Corset strung as tight as tight, | |
| 2005 Jan 4 | Houndstooth Canal | It seemed as though I'd never been away | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Housemaids Singing on Sunday | Is this what we've come to? | |
| 2004 Feb 20 | How Can It Be Moss If It Grows Faster? | O sober reflection | |
| 1999 Feb 28 | How Death Became Moonshine | My tribal ways | |
| 2006 Jun 3 | How It Was Before | Astride an ice-cold anvil | |
| 2000 Jul 6 | How Large Is Tina's Dinosaur? | I once asked Uncle Herbert | |
| 2006 Jun 15 | How Many Such Openings Have We Squandered? | Astride a red-hot anvil | |
| 1997 May 31 | How Met By Legion | You call yourself a Yeti | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | How Often Tattooed? | How seldom do I see a frump | |
| 2006 Jan 11 | How Silently, How Clumsily | Behold, the Fifth Amendment | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | How To Cook Vegetables | I may have to boil a turnip | |
| 2007 Feb 14 | Howsomever, Queyntely | When I fell in love with you | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Huddersfield Pie | Don't let that horse eat that violin | |
| 2001 Sep 30 | Hugh's Underpants Defy Dogma | Staggering across the heath | |
| 1999 Sep 6 | Hugo Onerous (Episode1) | Where, oh where is the Phantom Menace | |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Hugo's Goats | Hideous smells | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Hungry For Keys | Rowan is a wood that I can't eat | |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Hunt Within | The ancient hunter stood proudly | |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Hunting The Innocent | Just before the doorbell rang, my lids had fallen shut | |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Hurrah! A Pointless Stereo Pencil | The lines of life upon her face | |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Hypochondria Isn't The Harlot's Proof | I think I have a broken leg | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Hypothermic Ennui for Old Times | The leaves are turning brown again. I wonder how they know | |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Hypothesis Epsilon | Come, let us dance, just you and I | |
| 2003 Dec 3 | I Admire The Willingness | As we know, there are known knowns | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | I Am Not The Obsessive Weirdo You Are | I like to spoonbill | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | I Am Transformed | I came upon a startling sight | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | I Fear Bonnie Lies Under the Ocean Freeway | I've oft wondered what Karin looks like | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | I Hear Sousaphones Marching | Trombones are sounding in my sleep | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | I Shall Cope | My, my! All my underpants are gone! | |
| 2000 Dec 15 | I Stagger Under Fourfold Fardels | Time and again, with weary tread | |
| 2005 Jan 6 | I Surface Behind The Lamps | A pelvis drowned in custard | |
| 2004 Feb 13 | I Won't Be Flying Anywhere Near Basildon | There's time enough for changing sides | |
| 2005 Mar 18 | I Would Rather Not Serve Rice | I might not swallow more than once | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | I'll never ηπ again | I once was told that A is πr | |
| 2003 Jan 9 | I'll Surely Trample Your Tractor, My Love | I had a little tractor | |
| 2000 May 9 | I'm Pitifully Happy Wherever There Are Spoonbills | My life is like an open road (yes, people walk on me) | |
| 2001 Jun 28 | I'm Washing Pyjamas for Lunatics | Drunken badgers and their TVs | |
| 2001 Jan 17 | I, Diamond Jim | Thumb screws , finger nails | |
| 1999 Dec 29 | I, Everest | I hear the tread of thirty thousand men | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Iambic Portrait of Montalban | Ricardo's toupee hasn't aged but a day | |
| 2006 Jun 6 | Ibstokon, Who Prefers All Comers | The prunes were laid out, row on row, | |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Iced Mohicans, Anyone? | Zoroaster sunnily bestows his | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Iceman | No man is an igloo | |
| 2004 Apr 23 | Iconoclasts Rarely Gain Entry To Disneyland | Breaking down barriers and opening doors | |
| 2000 Aug 4 | Icy Privy | The green in a bluebottle's eye | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | If Bentley | George Dubbya Bush | |
| 2003 Jun 20 | If Cocoa Couldn't (Allegory) | "Chocolate! Give me chocolate!", the woman screamed | |
| 2003 Dec 9 | If I Illuminate Life Only Slightly, I Shall | I was born a prisoner in your dungeon of fish | |
| 2004 Jun 30 | If If Why When How Who | Big Brother watches the housemates perform | |
| 2004 Oct 8 | If Kipling Required Satisfaction | If all the buyers faced this way | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | If Not Insouciance | Feeling rather awkward, newly clad in neon eyewear | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | If Oblivion Had Foes | If everything that you had ever known | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | If Only God Lived 9 Lives | The first thing I learned in my life as a cat | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | If Only People Smelled Like Flowers | I often wonder how to start | |
| 2005 Feb 23 | If Perchance | Bold insurgence swept from coast to coast | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | If Rapture Exists | If ever there was a time when wishes and dreams could come true | |
| 1998 Feb 26 | If Shadows Could Jest | Why is it so dark in the middle of this life? | |
| 2000 Dec 5 | If Sluices Matter | Incas ... dreadful drinkers, | |
| 2004 Jan 27 | If The Janitor, When Juggling... | Gorris! | |
| 2003 Nov 6 | If They Reversed The Creosote | It didn't have to end this way | |
| 2003 Oct 4 | If Wishes Were Forces | Fix what is broken | |
| 2003 Dec 10 | If Wishes Were Geese, Nobody Would Honk | I knew a sinister minister | |
| 2003 Jun 23 | If You Could Falter | The glamour of a teaspoon | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | If You Were Unveiling | Things I would do if I were a cowboy: | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Ignoring Problems | Behold mankind, how fragile it's life | |
| 2005 Nov 17 | Ignoring The Peach And Nectarine | If ever I would write a dirge | |
| 2003 Dec 21 | Ill-fated Flyover On Insect Wings | See the tiny aerodrome | |
| 2002 Sep 10 | Ill-qualified for Hoping | Dodging through the rainbows | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Imagination, Fortitude, Cholesterol | Imagine there's no flugle | |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Imagine This Weirdness | Imagine a World without... | |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Imbibe This Page | I don't drinke vodka, only ginne - | |
| 2005 Dec 8 | Immaculate Threnodies by Augustan Bachelors | On Boscombe Down, where Keats was born | |
| 2003 Feb 20 | Immediately Nobody | The cobbler, blind for seven years | |
| 2002 Jul 12 | Immediately to the North of Dorking | A friendly leaf once gave me quite a fright: | |
| 2001 Oct 8 | Immer mit Einheit | When Apsley dreams of Arabella Spommit, | |
| 2004 Jul 30 | Imminent Destruction Of Everything In Port | Passion, closeness and great sex | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Impasto Throughout Australasia | My wife is nibbling at my neck | |
| 2003 Jun 28 | Imperfection | Oh, to be Home now summer is here.... | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Impersonating Nelson for Fun! | As fine a feast as man has known | |
| 2001 Jul 27 | Impertinent Desires | The Scandinavian roll-mop | |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Implacable Northerly Padrés | Competition in other places | |
| 1999 Nov 3 | Implausible Emptiness in Andromeda Parkway | Without denying anything much | |
| 2006 Apr 18 | Implications | Take a pinch of mustard-seed | |
| 2002 Nov 8 | Impressions of the National Arthritic Gallery | My fourteenth friend cannot be seen from here | |
| 2001 Dec 7 | In Abandoned Transit-Vans | Harold was a potter | |
| 2000 May 14 | In Africa, Hoplessly Lost | We don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | In Awe of Dangerous Lives | Far beyond the red-black morning sky | |
| 2002 Jul 5 | In Contempt of a Buried Steamship | This poem concerns Hades. | |
| 2007 Jan 5 | In Dreams of Counterfeited Harmony | They met at Domus Felix | |
| 2003 Jan 9 | In Lemons | Why, tell me why, is the future so green? | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | In My Dreams of Paint | I hear you are sailing to Lesbos | |
| 2004 Nov 3 | In My Long-lost Wellingtons | Magnetic fields, an iron horse | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | In Nougat | (haiku) Seven plumquats sit | |
| 2004 Jun 16 | In Our Wintry Organ | To prime one's seventh armpit | |
| 2005 Sep 11 | In Past Emporia | One for sorrow, two for fish | |
| 2003 Sep 27 | In Piles of Half-Burned Pizza | What evil you planning today? | |
| 2004 Jun 10 | In The Seventh Parcel Are Several Businessmen | When pass-the-parcel palls | |
| 2003 Jun 21 | In Time (Full Icebox) | Without you | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | In Vicious Family Circles | Oh papa, look! A jolly bruin | |
| 2003 May 31 | Inaudible When Down-wind | I promise, tomorrow I'll be a good boy | |
| 2006 May 30 | Inbred Heirloom | To generate hysteria, the Queen declared the area | |
| 2005 Mar 23 | Incoherence Everywhere Discovered Anew | The horror-shows of ancient Gaul | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Incompetence, Incompetence | Whilst painting the ceiling, the artist remarked: | |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Increasingly Preposterous Homilies | The champagne glass lies shattered | |
| 2003 May 10 | Industrial-Strength Wrigley's | My Spiderman was killed by Zach | |
| 1998 May 2 | Inexpensive Shakespearian Blancmange | For Macbeth it were done quickly, | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Infatuation: The Amusing Conundrum | What do you want to do with this? | |
| 2002 Aug 28 | Infested by Dali Specialists | When nuns collide, then is the time | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Inhaling Woolf's Ouevre | Don't revile me, don't come near! | |
| 2006 Mar 2 | Injunctions To The Barricades | Bring me the bones of a man who is broken | |
| 2001 May 17 | Innocuously Or Venomously | I always caught the quarter-past; it never ran on time | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Input Commandments | Another call from Abraham | |
| 1997 Feb 24 | Insensible Blandishments | Ask anyone about my woes, | |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Insufficiently Stylish Behaviour | Verily, I think I'll slump | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Insults for Schoolmarms | Slug bug! | |
| 2003 Sep 8 | Insupportable Toothbrushes | The dream went to sleep, | |
| 2000 Oct 24 | Integumental Teletubbies (Seventeen Hours Ago) | Mine is the eggcup, yours is the hake, | |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Intensify The Passion For Ophthalmology | Bigfoot saw the racehorse | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Inter-Planetary Tomfoolery | I once took a spaceship to Mars | |
| 2007 Feb 26 | Interface Not Found - Contact the Librarian | As to orientation I've begun a new élite | |
| 2000 Jan 23 | Intergalactic Journey of a Broken Cruet | The Zimmer by the garage door | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Into The Black Of The Tentacle | There was a young maiden named Sue | |
| 2006 May 23 | Into The Vegetable | A carrot lay upon the bank | |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Invaders From Rabbit-holes, Snout First | Mars is being explored--and wow, are we excited! | |
| *** | 1997 Feb 19 | Invisible Sandwiches - The Tiresome Beginnings | She found the smoothest stone, |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Invitation to Rather Unlikely Personnel | Should I invite you to my soiree? | |
| 2001 Dec 10 | Inwardly, Yet Outwardly | This helicopter, whose neglect | |
| 2005 Nov 11 | iPods Crafted From Rusting Spanners Or Similar | You think of these as scones | |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Irresistible Types | My Love was born on Halloween | |
| 2003 Nov 8 | Is Confused By | Never did I dream that she would call a spade a spade | |
| 2000 May 24 | Is My Navel Growing? | What is that great black bird I see? | |
| 2005 Jan 7 | Is Nothing Valueless | Once quite temperamental | |
| 1999 Jan 18 | Is of Night | The smiles I get when I dance around the bar | |
| 2002 Jan 9 | Is Santa Powerless? | No man is an isthmus | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Isn't Doubt Corrosive? | Doubt is so corrosive | |
| 2004 Sep 13 | It Cannot Be The Teapots | She is in love with the beautiful formlessness of the sea (Sylvia Plath) | |
| 1997 Apr 26 | It Isn't Often Oatmeal | In his book, 'The Uranium Fanfare', | |
| 2004 Aug 17 | It Might Not Be That Scrap | When coupled with that | |
| 1999 Mar 2 | It never happened really except once maybe yesterday | The night was dark, and dire foreboding crackled in the air | |
| 2004 Sep 1 | It Never Raineth On The Holy Fool | Back at the beginning | |
| 2006 Jan 19 | It Seems Pointless To Polka | Handel's Croatian | |
| 1997 Dec 16 | It's Entirely God's Business | Eleven, six or eight | |
| 2000 Jul 31 | It's Meadowlark Lemmon | In the dead of night, lit by pale moonlight | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | It's the Spuds' Malevolence | With sinister speed, they come and go | |
| 2004 Mar 4 | It's Unoffically Denied Until Proven | Now the news is out, | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Ivor the Besotten | Unbeknown to Ivor Pooter | |
| 2006 May 22 | Jabberwocky, The Lyrics | Be wary of the snigglewats | |
| 1996 Nov 1 | Jail-mouth Slime | At the risk of sounding spiteful, I shall tell you what I think | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly | I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Jello Fellow | While bouncing on a sea of jello | |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Jelly-Babies Prefer Jelly-Parents | Dr Who once gave me candy-floss to eat | |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Jerry-built Riffs | There once was lady from Knox | |
| 1998 Mar 2 | Jesus pondering a delightful catachresis | Beneath the tea tree sits the gnome, | |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Jesus With Underdone Omelette | In this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Jilted By Cheapskates | "I've saved you so much money, dear" | |
| 2003 Jan 9 | Jolly Thirsty Pirates | Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Jonah On War | There was once a man in a tale | |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Judith, A Polynomial | In my glass kimono | |
| 2004 Sep 14 | Juicy John Chest Unit | Yield unto me, maiden fresh, | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Just A Hog | There once was a pervert named Mick | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Just As Jurassic | Upon the plain the stegosaurus | |
| 2002 May 31 | Just Icing the Mind | I love the sound of ice cubes when | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Kamasutra for Happy Knives and Spoons | There was a fine seller of pearls | |
| 2003 Aug 9 | Kangaroo Den | She prayed that she might never see the day | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Karma Rodents | Dreaming gerbils in the sawdust dream of you and me | |
| 1998 May 2 | Kate's Gruttock Impaler | In times of stress I like to scratch my foot | |
| 2000 Nov 1 | Keats Knew His Mind | Oh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts, | |
| 2005 Jan 24 | Keatsian Devices | Grecian urns do not inspire these words | |
| 2004 May 27 | Keeping Her Through Ignorance | Let's not expect the moon | |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Kenneth: My Monster Pilot | Cover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal! | |
| 2003 Jul 10 | Ketchup Alchemy | A red hen, convinced that her eggs were sublime, | |
| 2006 May 12 | Kiki On Speed | The glittering lights of Montmatre in her eyes | |
| 2006 Aug 9 | Kill None But The Brave Lover | No mistress is so passing fair | |
| 2006 Jun 23 | Kill The Penny | Perfection in a postage-stamp | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Kindly Mind My Zoo | Kruschev and me | |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Kissable Landlords In Jeopardy | Kiss me quick and go | |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Knight of the Noxious Lie | If only I could sing like William Shatner | |
| 2004 Aug 16 | Knighthood For Those In Direst Destitution | I chanced upon a shouting match | |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Knitting Vol-au-vents | Wars are documentaries now... | |
| 2002 Dec 5 | Knowing About Astromancy | My new Gemini space-craft leaks | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Knowledge Couth Forsooth | There are many things you do not know | |
| 2001 Nov 7 | Kurosawa Crawled Heavenward | There's nothing to accomplish in the dust | |
| 2001 Sep 4 | Kylie, Dark Illusion | I unfolded my favourite handkerchief slowly | |
| 2002 Oct 14 | Laconic as Pestilence | Marge sees not her hem's afire, | |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Lament For The Unseen Cake | Who will come with me, who will come play? | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Lament Not The Passing Of Haliborange | Twenty past midnight, I want to go home | |
| 2005 Nov 29 | Lament: Austere Nightly Beatings | Retribution, hard as stolen milk, | |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Lamentations Upon The Morrow | I stare into myself, hoping for redress | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Landscapes Fail | Just before the avalanche | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Large Enough To Store Time | What better place than here? | |
| 2006 Jun 7 | Lark Ovaries | Have you ever thought of trimming your moustache? | |
| 2005 Aug 22 | Lasers In Latin | To grasp these prawns will take some skill | |
| 2004 May 1 | Late Comers To Rollerblades | Which came first, the liver or the wurst? | |
| 2002 Jan 2 | Lately Confused Shirts | As he jumped from the peak of the mountain of Slibb | |
| 2003 May 18 | Laughing Down by the Maelstrom | Behind the nipple's cruel intent | |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Laundanum Language | 'Ulalume, ulalume,' said Edgar Allan Poe | |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Laundresses, Basements, and Pythons | Gullible wretches, so polished and pure | |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Lawfully Invalidated Fishing Permit | A pound of osmium breaks all banks | |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Lawrence's Spaniard Fool | How hideous is the Spaniard | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Lay for a Lonely Farmer | She was lovely as the night | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Leadership Fails Turtles | He used to be, so rumor has, the Dean of Men at Alcatraz | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Learned Sea | When halfway through swimming the channel | |
| 2001 Nov 17 | Leave Meetings Behind | A slice of bread, varinshed with wax, | |
| 2001 Nov 20 | Lechery's Appraisal | I loved her hazel eyes so much | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Lechery's Not a Primary Foodstuff | Some alphabetty spaghetti | |
| 2004 Sep 7 | Left Handed And Concealed In Murky Allusions | Is it such a sin to lust | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Legacy of Homey Charms | I would hardly complain that loudly to be compared with Frost | |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Lemmings Explode When Roped To Dynamite | Please help me grease my hamster said the Queen | |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Lemon Feet | Your limpet grasp gives me no rest | |
| 1997 Mar 23 | Lemur Song Unsung | From leprechaun to Lancer | |
| 2002 Nov 23 | Lent Spent in Clapton | Canons to the right of me, and deacons to the left | |
| 2002 Jul 17 | Lent Without Sister Amelia | A slice of cake, soaked in madeira, | |
| 2001 Nov 17 | Lenten Orgy | A pint of gin to steel the nerves | |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Leonine Mellinger Pronounces Herself Destitute | This Plasticene®'s Jurassic, don't you know? | |
| 2006 Feb 22 | Lesbian Cookbook Virtues | Call your mother now and then | |
| 2001 Dec 18 | Lesbians of Yesteryear | The Crossbill, famed in Nordic lore | |
| 2004 Oct 13 | Lest We Forge Biscuits For Orphaned Presidents | Mildenhall; I choose to doubt | |
| 2007 Mar 15 | Lest We Forge Unwitting Jubilation | These brinks on which we teeter | |
| 2004 May 13 | Lest We Forgive Without Forgetting | For the gloom that follows fire | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Let The Litmus Decide | It's time we rearranged the border | |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Let's | U LKE 2 HIKU? | |
| 2002 Oct 4 | Let's Beat Up Apsley | A cardboard egg tastes just as good | |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Let's Have Time to Fondle | Being a tomato-knife | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Let's Ride Away And Begin Again Without Shame | Should one great leader cross the sea | |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Lettuce For Sodomy | A beach-ball and a pancreas | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Licensed to Kill Everything | Moneypenny's not a happy bunny | |
| 2005 Jan 23 | Lichens | Just dethrone me, once per week, | |
| 2007 Mar 6 | Lichfield Parkway Mumble | Hail, Nervosa Trollop | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Licks For Kicks | With the first light of dawn, the great armies gather | |
| 2002 Jun 25 | Life Doesn't Fester | Responsibility for life on earth | |
| 2002 Dec 3 | Life-Threatening Tuesday Mornings | Where is fester? What is he? | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Lifecycle: Forlorn Flapping | How blithely do we misuse this site and yet it does deserve it | |
| 1997 Mar 30 | Lifeless Sheds | We were down to obsolete zero | |
| 2002 Mar 10 | Lift-off! (Red Umbrellas) | The conical nose had been smeared with strawberry jam: | |
| 2001 Aug 22 | Light Grey Sunshine | Groatweed grows by every verge | |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Lighthouse Magic | It came upon the midnight clear | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Lightning Ignites My Secret Beard | Precipitous whiskers | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Like Butterflies Don't | So many little fluffy things | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Like the Inner Feathers of Earth | How frothy do these suds appear | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Lilliputians - My Play on Their Set | Lilliputians in my lap | |
| 2004 Dec 24 | Limblessly Effortless | Up here we no longer have a need . . . for thumbs | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Limerick About a Trout | Let us now swim in Lake Erie | |
| 2002 Aug 2 | Limerick Folly | The funny thing is, remarked Fred | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Limerick Whore | Limerick Funfest | |
| 2000 Dec 4 | Limpopo Cocktail | Rivals, fourteen inches high, | |
| 2002 Dec 24 | Lincoln's Curry Riders | The plenitude of earthly thoughts | |
| 2006 Jul 1 | Lingerie Throughout | Now harken to a tale so vile | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Lips You can Kiss | I should've screwed old what's her name | |
| 2004 May 7 | Liquid Never Flinches | So plaintively you ask if this | |
| 2001 Nov 13 | Lithuania Accepts Barclaycard Again! | The cabbage roared to see the mouse | |
| 2007 Apr 12 | Little Claimed | Cakes of soap, or cheese with cake, | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Little Extremes Of Bedtime Cocoa | Shorter than the shortest book | |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Little Holly Sat Upon Her | I'm the only gay in the village | |
| 2005 Jul 1 | Liturgically Challenged Papists Vainly Seeking Pomp | Her velvet trousers, on the bed | |
| 2002 Sep 14 | Loaf Mumbles Loaf | Punished for his extra ears | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Lobbyists In Spoonland | Reverend Spooner, twice a day, | |
| 1997 Sep 14 | Lockjaw Imminent | Dead as any dodo | |
| 2006 Feb 24 | Lodestar Of The Ballooning Nurse | We changed your appointment | |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Loincloths of Hickory | Some folks like a formula | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Londoners In Vegas | Another buck; the symbols spin | |
| 2003 Dec 15 | Loneliness Corrupted By Fishes | Homesick while at home--candles melt like promises | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Long Unbidden Melody | Wine and women, women and song | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Longing | Oh, my God, it never ends | |
| 2006 Jul 18 | Longing For The Oligarch | Fun time for Natasha | |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Longingly Depend | Whilst figuring out how to untie his shoes | |
| 2002 Nov 4 | Longings for Celibacy | How hideous the passion! | |
| 2003 Feb 7 | Longings Unknown to Science | Why should I ration | |
| 2006 May 29 | Longshoremen Fit Only For Nightmares | We've gathered together today | |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Look Askance | Little girl, look in the window. What do you, what do you see? | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Look, No Anatomy! | I looked at my feet and to my surprise | |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Looking Good Backwards | Where are the songs of yesteryear? | |
| 2004 Apr 26 | Looking Lively And Feeling Crap | Can this be it? Can Spring be here? | |
| 2003 May 1 | Looters | Alas! The Golden Treasury has been looted | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Lost Lies Under | Under the covers, bodies move | |
| 2001 Apr 29 | Lost Meanings of Turkestan | Show me a mirror and I'll | |
| 2004 Jun 22 | Lotteries Bring Us Little Snowdrops | Divest yourself of all your wealth! | |
| 2006 May 4 | Louse, Louise | Feasting on the gouts of blood | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Love Awkwardly | If I fell in love with you | |
| 2006 May 10 | Love For A Piglet | Nobody comes, nobody goes | |
| 2002 Jan 18 | Love Icily Visible | Bones and twigs and a perilous ascent | |
| 2005 Jul 6 | Lucy In Torment | Pastry-forks were just the thing - | |
| 2004 Nov 30 | Lunar Love-fest | We hear you're taking a trip to the moon | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Lunar Sunsets | That moon is not an aspirin | |
| 2004 Dec 1 | Lurching Balloons | Please release me | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Lurking in The | Play it again, Kansas Sam | |
| 2003 Dec 18 | Lyrics To Kill The Bliss Of Heart-throbs | Her tortured lip was dripping blood | |
| 2004 Jun 26 | M 32 Road Movie | These old molluscs, bought for tea, inscribe | |
| 2002 Sep 24 | Machine Coffee: Grounds for Divorce | Estimate the water's depth | |
| 2002 Jan 3 | Mackenzie is Certainly Faster | All the lonely people | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Madness | When all the world is going mad | |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Madwoman, Me? | She's come undone--her valium useless as mythical gods | |
| 2004 Jun 30 | Maidens Irritated When Their Purity Runs Out | A thesaurus was stoned to death, a diction'ry was raped, | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Mail-Room Mystery | A weakness for detail | |
| 1998 May 4 | Majestically Behavioral | The bilious fishwife was covered in stew, | |
| 1999 May 8 | Major Karamazov's On Call | Cooler than the outer wall | |
| 2001 Jan 15 | Making Nuns | Sheila was my first love, and she was just a hake | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Making the Tide Wet | I once had to wrestle a bear | |
| 2006 Jul 31 | Malodorous Relatives By Night | A grave is not a flowerbed | |
| 2003 May 17 | Management Facilitates, Managers Collide | Complacent as a senator | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Management Evoked | How do you feel about Life? | |
| 2002 Oct 11 | Manifested | Perhaps I'm not so odd | |
| 2003 Oct 30 | Manure Can | Ovegiously, he blarks the heen | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Many Small Wonders for Royalty | Poor Peter was three inches high | |
| 1999 Oct 25 | Map of the Primitive Song | Sleep, curly savage, on the forest floor. | |
| 1998 Jun 7 | Marching with Redemption Balloons | Like spoons they lie, a front to back, | |
| 2001 Aug 10 | Marinade Your Partner Daily | His passion was a restless sort | |
| 2006 Jul 28 | Market Anomalies Perpetrated By Emily Dickens | Because I could not stop for Lunch | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Markup Over Sense | Come | |
| 2002 Feb 11 | Marmot Receipts Multiply | The terebinth was singing, but its words were quite obscure - | |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Marmots Roam Willy-nilly Across Naked And Glistening Tundras | Make love to me as if you'd spent | |
| 2004 Mar 24 | Marrows Away | This choice of relish was not of the best, | |
| 1998 Nov 18 | Marrying Kine | In this ballet, cochineal | |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Martyrs To The Biscuit Guardians | The bilemonger's bill | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Mary Marmalade And Very Tasty Puppies | I make them go fast | |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Mary, Nary, Oh-So-Scary | "I never think when I can talk," | |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Mask of the Herald | Her sharp mouth, again, | |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Massacred By Melting Geology | My foot is stuck; I cannot move | |
| 2005 Jul 22 | Mated By Happenstance | A fledgling wasp once took the time | |
| 2001 Aug 9 | Matrimony is Hegemony, not Patrimony | She's all to me, and little more | |
| 2002 Nov 26 | Matter, Not Marmite | Burnt his fez upon the pyre? | |
| 2000 May 16 | Matters Heretical | In Spring | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | May I Apply for this Job? | On the morning of the seventh day of May | |
| 1997 Mar 5 | Maya's Misty Watercolor Blues | As Maya turned the page | |
| 1998 Jan 21 | Maybe Mercury Speaks | Scared of every footfall | |
| 2002 Apr 15 | Maybe Not the Frozen Finger-Print | Jemima was a nurse-maid | |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Mayoral Heart-throbs | A burst of poignant doctrine | |
| 2001 Aug 1 | McBoreal's Adventure | Hamish McBoreal? The spaniel from the Glens? | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Mean Words | When words cannot convey | |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet... | A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court | |
| 2004 May 24 | Meaty Beaty Big And Bonsai | Sausage, when the time is right | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Melodies by Journeymen | Moving softly through the symphony | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Melons In December | I like bananas, because they have no bones | |
| 2000 Jan 5 | Melt-Down Happens Nightly | 'Well, stap me vitals!' swore William Hague: | |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Melted Rectories of Nyum-Nyum | On vacation, I saw a most Marvel-ous cave | |
| 2002 Apr 14 | Melting Pot Ritual | A caramel pig once sat on the throne | |
| 2001 Feb 17 | Membrane One (Laughing Hoop) | If Joan of Arc wasn't a zombie | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Memories Sleep With You | This is the strangest place | |
| 2006 May 15 | Men Without Equations | Are you prepared to reveal | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Menthols for Dinosaurs | Do not go husky into that bad flight | |
| 2002 Mar 13 | Menu, Unaware of Lurking | I can't abide a burnt-up pie | |
| 2004 Aug 20 | Meringue-laden Exclamations | At this time, most every day, | |
| 1999 Dec 31 | Merlin's Legendary Lost Oaths | My daughter! My daughter! the old wizard cried | |
| 2005 Oct 20 | Mermaids Sighing Affidavits | Harold Pinter, author of Betrayal, | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Merry Googling | On the first day of Google, my search term was to be | |
| 2004 Feb 27 | Messages For Sandwichmen | We scaled it down | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Metamorphosis: You Cave In | Your chakra throbs with crystal chi | |
| 1997 Nov 6 | Michaelangelo's Lewd Little Brother | Frequently, my brother speaks | |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Middle Victorian | The generals are born again | |
| 1999 Jun 28 | Midsummer Fails Everyone | Mellow jazz oozes from the speakers | |
| 2004 Mar 24 | Milk Manoeuvres | Free, with every Guernsey cow | |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Milk Shouting Louder | This bottle of grease is empty! | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Milkround | Whoremongers, rumormongers, mongers galore | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Millipede Stain | When saturation takes its toll | |
| 1997 Jul 23 | Mind My Forgotten Puddleduck | This overbearing convoy | |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Mine Or Not To Be | Your clone is a much better lover | |
| 2005 Jul 25 | Mine Shaft Mendicants, Their Oath | If I told you how I feel | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Minstrels Really Know | The Troubadour was travelling, his merry band in tow | |
| *** | 1996 Dec 26 | Misadventures Without Misconduct | The travails of my giroscope |
| 2001 Oct 2 | Misconduct With Whosoever Chooseth | Welcome to the conversation | |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Misconstruing Hullabalooing | When shining shoes, you really must | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Misery Trains | Bill stood in Charing Cross looking at the departure board | |
| *** | 2003 Nov 27 | Misplaced Devotion | Follow the players all over the globe |
| 2001 Jul 20 | Misspelt Youth Syndrome | A saucer of sour milk for my companion! | |
| 2003 Aug 9 | Mistakes Always | Oh me oh my | |
| 2003 Dec 15 | Misuse Of That Darn Animal | Don't wear a cat for a hat | |
| 2002 Jan 7 | Mitochondrial Ne'er-do-wells | Carved in frozen gasoline | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Mittens Disturb | Items that do not give offence | |
| 2002 Sep 9 | Mix My Chickens | Torn off a strip | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Mix My Soul with Potions Metaphysical | Words enfold me, winged things | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Mizzen Manhood | On board the good ship Mary Jane | |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Möbius Dancing | A cannon-ball into the pool | |
| 1997 Feb 16 | Modish Qualms | I name this dead wasp 'Halitosis' | |
| 2006 Jun 12 | Monday Present | Before you read the second line | |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Monetarists | In flowerdome five | |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Monster Showtime | Oh, the claws, they should not be | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Moooon | Moon bars, moonbeams, mooning honeymooners | |
| 2004 Jan 27 | Mops Our Fevered Explorer Cannot Display | So... slate wiped clean, whereto from here? | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Morbid Obsessions With Broccoli | My imagination runs a little wild at times | |
| 2004 May 1 | More Coal Please. Vicar | She's known as Nell, down in Camberwell | |
| 1996 Dec 16 | More Heretical Bombast | At Hampton Wick | |
| 1997 Feb 28 | More Paraffin for my PerpetualApprentice | The sun and moon kiss in the light of day | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | More Sweepings | Maybe now, or maybe later | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Morning | Waking up at sparrow's fart | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Morning is Dead | Awake ye slumberers, and greet the day | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mosquitos Hatched by Homework | Bill bought broken bric-a-brac | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Most Even-Handed Definition | impeccable: Can not be pecced | |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Mother One | Mother Theresa sported a wart | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Mother-in-law with Oregano | My mother-in-law, my mother-in law | |
| 2004 May 12 | Motherhood In The Pasture | Diapering tushies is really a bummer | |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Mouldy Hiccough | It | |
| 2002 Jul 23 | Mouldy, They Said | That artichoke they gave me | |
| 2003 Mar 11 | Mountainous Piques | What God did on the seventh day | |
| 1997 Sep 2 | Mozart once wrote the longest andleastenjoyable limerick ever to darken anthologiesof versification | Domestic bliss | |
| 2002 May 13 | Mr Leather Roasted Little Squid | What dire offence from am'rous causes springs | |
| 2000 Jul 22 | Mr Stilton Stalks The Underground | As I was going up the stair, I met a froglet tall and square. | |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Mr. And Mrs Kruschev's Treasured Collection of Victorian Iron Pullovers | Benjamin Braddock got carried away | |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Mudwoman, repent! | Life for a girl is a sensual map | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Mugged | Coffee mugs are breeding grounds | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Mugging For Pennies | "The proof is in the pudding," or so I've heard it said | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mukluks Sometimes | My own dear love does seldom fart | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mushroom | Galumphing through the daisy field | |
| 1999 Jan 24 | Music Shadows Repetitively | An amphora of Egyptian darkness | |
| 1998 Jan 30 | Music, Unless... | While I was walking my dog on the moon | |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Musical Accomplishments Involving Instruments Of Zinc | It's fine to play the didgeridoo, but please not in the office loo | |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Must Pups Melt Their Carpet? | The pups are gamboling again | |
| 2001 Aug 7 | Mutable, Suitable, Inscrutable | Hidboult was a wanderer | |
| 2006 May 24 | Mute Soup And Memory Faded | I met a man whose nose extended | |
| 2000 May 8 | My Articulate Cucumber Says | Teasing and tempting is naughty Nanette | |
| 2004 Mar 1 | My Aunt's Astonished Parakeet | Repetition twenty-fold is what I really crave | |
| 1998 Dec 2 | My Bahnhof Godparent | Carve this thought upon the bark | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | My Blotter | The ink was barely dry upon the page | |
| 1999 Mar 23 | My Boatswain's Left Baboon | A third knee is a mighty boon | |
| 2004 Jul 1 | My Cardboard Mother | Dressing as a helicopter | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | My Confession | ‘Screech Screech’, screeched the cat | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | My Corduroy Mariner, Correspondingly | With skin as pale as honesty | |
| 2007 Mar 21 | My Desire Seldom Lights My Desire | Rainbow bright across the loch | |
| 1999 Feb 4 | My Earliest Barnacle-Busting Memory | Count to ten, then start again | |
| 1997 Jan 4 | My Favorite Plunderings | 'Twas a frothy foam upon the wake | |
| 2002 Jan 30 | My Finite and Fastidious Friend | This time, I shall follow my leader | |
| 2000 May 17 | My French Bananas Of Unbounded Magnificence | When teaching Granny to suck eggs | |
| 1998 Jun 30 | My funicular cutlets, redeemed | The Green Joy made the Queen wet with dew | |
| 1997 Mar 25 | My Gallic Endorsements | 'I wonder', mused the conqueror, 'why lemons seldom sing' | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | My goodness... my gumboot | Apsley wrote a novel about a small baboon | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | My Guts Reek | Good Morning, Mr. Soap! | |
| 2003 Jun 21 | My Habitat of Unkempt Mincemeat | Coconuts are hard to peel | |
| 2000 Feb 16 | My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By Trepanning | I sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour | |
| 2002 May 15 | My Helium Pancakes Notwithstanding | When I consider how my light is spent, | |
| 1997 Jan 12 | My Ingot Balloon | Translations of ancient words, | |
| 2003 Oct 8 | My Least Best Failing | The restrooms here are fairly clean | |
| 2002 May 8 | My Lion-hearted Friend Edgar | The tiger hunting in the dusk | |
| 2003 Jan 3 | My Liverpool Lament | Percival the scouse louse | |
| 2001 Sep 5 | My Mendacious Honey | I lie to you always, as sugar to spice | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | My Misadventures Began in Cleveland | Inaccurate, like any map | |
| 2000 May 3 | My Nightly Righteous Ferment | I think that I shall never see | |
| 2002 Nov 19 | My No Nonsense Dream | A Roland and an Oliver! | |
| 2001 Jul 29 | My Oceanic History | A waterfall, in which the whale | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | My Other Lifetime was a Thing Foregone | A mothball larger than the sun | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | My Painful Bass | Come an' listen to a story 'bout a man named Jake | |
| 2005 Jul 12 | My Priapic Milestone | Coddled mushrooms, all a-simmer, | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | My Puckered Times | Uncork the bottle and light a cigar | |
| 2000 Dec 23 | My Raving Virgin | A perfect wedding in the snow | |
| 1999 Jul 18 | My Slapdash Endgame | A Cautionary Tale | |
| 2004 Apr 25 | My Slide Transmission | Another Red poem commences | |
| 2000 Mar 6 | My Smothered Haggis | Cut away, cut away | |
| 2000 Oct 19 | My Song of Glass | Sleep darkly in your mellow haze my love, | |
| 1998 Jan 31 | My Soothsayer's Impeachment | Emblems of the regal scorn | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | My Special Nosebag | If falling stars had parachutes | |
| 2005 Sep 1 | My Third Empire | In this haystack, L. P. Hartley | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | My Toe Is Now Swollen Again | That fellow, Othello, could not be called mellow | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | My Undoing | When I was young and fancy free | |
| 2000 Apr 9 | My Warning Ignored | Arabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse | |
| 2000 Oct 3 | My Zebra Toes | The stillness of the day, the ceaseless hum | |
| 1999 Dec 7 | Mythical Piscator | I talk to herring in the dark when no one is around | |
| 2003 Dec 16 | Mythical Quest | In days of yore, when dragons roamed the world | |
| 1998 Mar 11 | Nabobs and Frumps | OH! FEY! Cried the winged eel fingerling, | |
| 2003 Oct 6 | Nailing Lips To My Umbrella | The lipstick factory: kick down the door | |
| 1999 Feb 20 | Naked Globe | Rosemary...comfrey... cammomile tea, | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Naked Halluciantions of Night | Madness and despair have haunted me | |
| 2004 Oct 12 | Namedroppers' Tango | Several times you've baked a cake | |
| 2000 Jun 9 | Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh! | There was a young man from Kilbride | |
| 2005 Feb 16 | Nantucket Disappointment | There was a young man from Nantucket | |
| 1998 Jan 1 | Narrow Trousers in Pimlico | When the wallet of the wealthy with fivers stiff is stuffed | |
| 2001 Jan 10 | Nasty, Nasty | The gremlins in my kitchen make | |
| 2002 Feb 17 | National Gnu Stun Atrophy | It was on just a night such as this | |
| 2000 Oct 15 | Naturally We're Coughing | Who comes to answer Pity's call? | |
| 2004 Sep 21 | Nature And Delight Worn Out | We are the Corporation | |
| 2003 Oct 18 | Naughtiness As Can | I once knew a good sick ducker | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Naughty Sonnet | Oh how I loathe thee let me count the ways | |
| 2004 Aug 14 | Naughty Thoughts Are Always Parochial | How fetching you look, Miss Sipple | |
| *** | 2006 Mar 9 | NB: In Memoriam | The blackest of shields by the light of the moon |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Neapolitan Bore | Galisha ga-galoosha | |
| 2004 Feb 25 | Near Creepy Cow Lane | The last time I polkaed with Ted | |
| 2001 Aug 20 | Near the Symbolist Palace of Atrocities | We start our tale outside a German wood | |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Necessary foreign horrors | I trimmed that lean bazooka | |
| 2007 Jan 11 | Neck Up Fatty | Plates of goulash, on the deck, | |
| 2002 Mar 5 | Negating | A waltz a day is not enough | |
| 2000 Feb 2 | Negative Elbow | Champion of the photograph | |
| 1997 Aug 15 | Negligee Vector | The man who vilifies my tent | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Negligent Daleks Give Us A Passable Flamenco | I'd offer you a crumpet, | |
| 2005 Sep 6 | Neolithic Muesli | Grizzled, in a state of tears, | |
| 1999 Apr 9 | Neoplastic Ha'penny | My parachute has broken and I don't know how to fall | |
| 2004 Jun 1 | Nepalese Danceuse Observed Using Stun-guns | Behold the scold: | |
| 2000 Mar 9 | Neptune's Missing Noonday Umbrellas Of Blossom | The photo showed the final phase | |
| 2003 Dec 17 | Nesting Penguins Throughout Asia Minor | I can't believe I left the grass in my pocket | |
| 1998 Jul 27 | Neugierig, oder? | der Reim lernt eine neue Sprache | |
| 1999 Feb 22 | Never Knowingly Charmed | Unskilled workers toil wordlessly | |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Never Knowingly Renounce Walk-on Parts | A small incision in the chest-wall | |
| 2007 Mar 9 | Never Meant to Harm | A nasturtium, rambling fine and crunchy, | |
| 1997 Aug 29 | Never Once Promising To Underestimate Buns | Over the choppy leather line | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Never Reaches Glory | My eyelashes are black | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Never Wake, But Often Dreams | A bleeding broken heart | |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Never, Scarcely Ever | Give me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey | |
| 2006 Aug 10 | Never. Should We Windsurf | Don't forget to tie your shoes | |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Nevertheless, Nuke the French | Each time I use the word 'defer' | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | New Battles for Deceit | You stood trembling | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | New, Tidier Pixies | The stately tread of centuries has just assailed our ears | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Night Before Time Immoderate | in the darkness of the night | |
| 2006 Aug 23 | Night From Midnight | The Gates of Ivory and Horn | |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Night Thoughts | When o'er the willows whipporwills | |
| 1998 Jan 27 | Night's Temporary Wrists | Carefully, she folds the fish | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Nightlong Battles | Once upon a time a whore | |
| 2004 Aug 4 | Nightly Coal Kimono | These cosy virtuosi | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Nightmares in a Mind Overtaken by Madness After Sleepless Days and Nights | If you had but one final chance | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Nighttime Paddling | The sky was dark, and rain was falling | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Nighttown | On a night in september, 1982 | |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Nile Feather Death Trip | Her upper arms; mine eyes alighting | |
| 1998 Jun 3 | Nine Beatles Glimpsing Salvation | There was, perhaps, a waving arm, | |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Ninepenny Lithuanians - A Rhapsody | Cashier, change this love-note | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Nippising | There was a strange lad from Ontario | |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Nipple Tussock | I did it for the sake of her | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Nirvana in Daylight | I think I'll tiptoe over there | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Nirvana of Cleopatra | I made my peace with destiny and fate | |
| 2005 Oct 14 | No Carborundum | Moving twice | |
| 2001 Jan 1 | No Cat's Trousers | Pelting down the motorway, with my wheels of fire, | |
| 2003 Oct 30 | No Fry-up For Presidents | Jacques Chirac would eat no snack | |
| 2003 Jul 29 | No More Edible Pope | (limerick) There was an old lady from Wales | |
| 1998 Mar 9 | No Parsley for Matilda's Fruitcake | By chance, are you going my way? | |
| 2006 Jun 12 | No Peppermint Drops | The clouds are filled with bicycles | |
| 2005 Dec 8 | No Thanks, Kenneth | Are you going to Scarborough Fair? | |
| 2000 Feb 7 | No Thinner Knot | Casually, through the wall | |
| 2003 Oct 30 | No Way to the Afterlife | I wonder: is it worth the time? | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | No Week Planner | Monday's light brought dreams of birth | |
| 2004 Feb 23 | No, Angels Shouldn't | To cling, once more, to selfsame forms | |
| *** | 2001 Aug 12 | Noah often said that it was lucky to stick herrings to trees | The rain poured down; the waters rose, |
| 2006 Jan 10 | Nobody Shaves Oswald | In search of the perfect asparagus | |
| 1998 Mar 17 | Nocturne by Insectlike Co-authors | Timely teal creeps | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Nocturne Oy | In adamantine underpants the slavish sleeper slept, | |
| 2004 Aug 17 | Nomads Are Only Upright Hayseeds | Affectless nomads | |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Non-invasive Skins | A poem without the same old format | |
| 2006 May 23 | None Save The Meistersinger | First with the frost | |
| 2002 Oct 15 | Nonsense Sharpens Your Refrain | Hearlding a century of filth and gore, | |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Noodle Ingests Itself | Mumbles not heard on any Pink Floyd album: | |
| 2001 Dec 23 | Noontide Passion | The drips from his ten-gallon hat | |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Nope to Blog | Quasi blog | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Nor Eric Nor Unshaven Shirts | Give a man sufficient rope | |
| 2004 Jul 9 | North-east Is Henceforth Banished | A globe for tea, crammed high with brine, | |
| 2001 Dec 7 | North-South Pedestrian Crossings | These suicides, who strut the streets | |
| 2001 Aug 9 | Nostalgia for Breakfast - And Blue Sky | I wish I were in Ngunnawal again | |
| 2005 Aug 12 | Nostrils, Each | Despite a severe anaesthetic | |
| 2006 Mar 9 | Not A Proper Postman | More of me, and less of you | |
| 2004 Oct 8 | Not Allowed In Our Picnics | A tide of rash assumptions | |
| *** | 1997 Jan 24 | Not Enough Sodium | Transubstantiation |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Not For Edification | Of brooding springs, and hooting rocks | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Not Lovers | Ventriloquists with salmonella | |
| 2007 Jan 21 | Not Nubile, Not Shadows | Curves aplenty, on the bed, | |
| 2004 Sep 14 | Not Princeton, Nor Any Other Halls Of Improvement | As with gladness men of old | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Not Their Fault At All, Really | When down-and-outs start trading shins | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Not What It Seems | Back at the beginning | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Not Yet Nice Enough | Aussie rock lyric challenge | |
| 2002 Apr 12 | Nothing Bought With Eurocheques, I Imagine | Why can't the wicked inherit the Earth? | |
| 2004 Mar 9 | Nothing But Extra Famine | Whilst walking on the darkling path | |
| 2006 Aug 1 | Nothing But Our Static Senses | The Witch-Queen wrought an awful curse: | |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Nothing But The Very Onerous Consumption Of Desire | This rare dark beauty doth my heart inspire | |
| 2005 Mar 29 | Nothing More Redundant Than Thought | Stagnation, degradation | |
| 2004 Jun 16 | Nothing More Tangible For Hillmen | Reticence, the virtue of the fool | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Nothing Percolates Like Treacle | Have you ever thought of peppering your toes? | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Nothing Will Prevail After The Neutrino | I think to make a piece of toast | |
| 2005 Feb 18 | Novelistic Leaflets | Russell Hoban, King of Thrace, | |
| 2003 Jun 30 | Now Repercussions Don't Hibernate | You asked for a list of excuses, | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Nowhere in Particular (Man Talking) | On the Road to Nowhere | |
| 2002 Mar 14 | Nowhere Quickly Pales | When the last train left the station | |
| 1999 Mar 7 | Nubility One | The death's-head watched and waited, | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Numbers Irrational | One hundred and seventy four point six | |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Numerous Wonderlands | Four-and-twenty blackbirds | |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Nuns Betray Our Laxative Supplies | Incantations - dead of night - | |
| 2004 Aug 23 | Nuptial Mishaps With Long Knives | A young anthropologist cried | |
| 2004 Apr 18 | Nursery Rhymes for Lawyers, Juries and Judges | Arnold Berry, quite contrary, | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Oak-worm Veneer Heathcliff | Curtains for the front of house | |
| 1997 Mar 24 | Obelisk: Confusion | That karaoke chaos | |
| 2001 Aug 13 | Obsoletely and Ignominiously | When I was young, we had a cave | |
| 2006 Jun 20 | Occasionally He Thinks | Oh! So now you're telling me | |
| 2001 Sep 13 | Occasionally I Have Fallen Ill | When I was living with an elk | |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Oddments From the Bookstores | The shelving groaned with weight tomes | |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Oddments of the Blonde | The gypsy's skirts swirled like the leaves in the fall | |
| 2001 Jan 15 | Ode Scribbled Rudely by Lennon | A is for the alligators alcoholically inclined, | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Ode to the Attic | Let us praise the humble ceiling fan. | |
| 1998 Sep 27 | Ode to the Laughter of my Pancreas | Who can fathom the rat's cunning ways? | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Ode to the Televangelists | They | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Odin Understands | I am seriously whacked | |
| 2007 Feb 18 | Of Not, Of Not | In the trysting parlour | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Of Paisley | My wardrobe is my pride and joy | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Of Rubrics | Persnickety wickets, aha! | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Of Sailors And Their Ways | I'll tell you the tale of ham-handed Hannah | |
| 1997 Dec 14 | Of Struggling Poets and Pious Days | A ghastly mismeasure of woman, | |
| 2006 Jan 26 | Off Kilter | All is confirmed | |
| 2000 May 29 | Off Ovary Street | What baby spurns the cattle-grid | |
| 2001 Jan 20 | Offhand Emblem | If the captain's metaphysic | |
| 2003 Nov 30 | Often During Christmas | 'Twas Christmas in the workhouse | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Often Percolate | Whose clothes these are, I think I know, | |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Oftentimes Manet Tried Somersaulting Over Renoir | Lanky Hank was the tallest of Sherpas | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Oh! Gosh They've Gone | Yup, they cleared the decks again | |
| 2004 Nov 2 | OK, Naysayer | Have you ever rode a Trojan horse? | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Olympian Breakfasting | Venus came to Athens, thence from there to Rome, | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Omicron Froat | My usual muse has gone for good | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Omphalos | (haiku) Three rings on my nose | |
| 2004 Jan 3 | On A String Covered Ottoman | Mistaken for a crayfish | |
| 2001 Dec 5 | On Galvanizing Spartan Surfaces | The mouse crept closer to its goal | |
| 1999 Dec 19 | On Heat For Months | Away! Here's neither inn nor manger | |
| 1997 Jul 7 | On Knowing Little Tess | Her hair falls short of a pageboy's crop | |
| 2002 Dec 12 | On My Guff | Please sir, stand downwind from me. | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | On Pandora's Bonnet | Perhaps I should have told her, perhaps she should have seen | |
| 2003 Sep 11 | On The Toes | Ive just seen my feet for the first time in years | |
| 2002 Nov 25 | On Undies | Quality control for underwear, | |
| 2000 Nov 26 | Once Is Never Too Rarely | Once, just once, could someone let me know | |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Once Knighted, Twice Blighted, Thrice Sighted! | A wooden Gospel, baked as bone | |
| 2004 Feb 16 | Once Lithuania, Once | In a cave, on a mountain so high | |
| 2000 Jan 7 | Once Over Once Again | Three to one, three to one | |
| 1998 May 2 | Once We Devoured Magma | At last I have the chance to spread my wings and versify | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Once You Forget My Name, A Strange Leathery Complexion Beckons | A man with a prong on his nose | |
| 2004 Sep 12 | One Apostate Fieldmouse Alone In All Conjecture | Ignorance, in former times | |
| 1999 Dec 1 | One Blonde Speaking After Silence | Like fish, attracted to a flame | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | One Cat for Every Lear | How blithely do the flivvers fly | |
| 1998 Jun 10 | One Daren't Expect More | The night we rode, the path we trod, we knew how it would end | |
| 1997 Jul 9 | One Last Later | Betrayed! The voyeur's curtain | |
| 1998 Feb 19 | One Last Lobster Seeking Re-election | Ride onwards, lads, a new-born day | |
| 2003 Sep 11 | One Less Day to Remember | Journal Entries | |
| 1997 Sep 15 | One moonbeam, undercooked | Three drops of cactus-water | |
| 1998 Dec 13 | One More Landscape | To renovate the galaxy | |
| 2002 Jul 29 | One Scourge Too Far From Home | Imagine that! My little cat | |
| *** | 1997 May 22 | One Smug Portillo, Timely Forgotten | These low and oily charmers |
| 2005 Sep 18 | One Will Between Friends | In opting for a greyer black | |
| 1998 Sep 30 | One-note Symphony on the Sudden Revolution | From where will the words come? | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Onions Can't Cry | I've far too much hair on my head | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Only A Warthog Won't | Goofy Haikus | |
| 2004 Jul 2 | Only Fools Rush | Only a rose | |
| 2002 Oct 28 | Only if the Circle Turns | Such a cruel summer! On cool heaths | |
| 1998 Mar 17 | Only Ingrid Soothes This Eyeball | Your cobwebs (your cosmetics) | |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Only Known Criminals And Their Zebras | I think I saw an eagle fly across the Interstate | |
| 2006 May 12 | Only Lagging | At altitudes like these | |
| 2004 Mar 19 | Only Once Is More Than Twice Times Two | Give me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Only Our Gambits Shall | 'Incontinence for all!' | |
| *** | 1999 Jan 21 | Only Transient Sheep | Hiatus and Hibiscus are the names of my two sheep |
| 2004 Mar 31 | Onwards, Henrietta Dawson | I carry Hank, my freeze-dried hake, | |
| 2004 Jan 18 | Oompah Tuba | I hear you like to polka with clubfooted gals | |
| 1999 Mar 6 | Opacity's 22 Miraculous Beings | Silent in the midnight silence | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Opinion Is Not A Occupation | If fish could scream | |
| 1997 Mar 22 | Orderly Insects Are Forecast | Small birds | |
| 2003 Jan 24 | Orfeo The Ineluctable | As lame as a fish | |
| 1997 Sep 27 | Ornamental William Golding Glimmmers in Void | Pretty, pretty hermit | |
| 2001 Dec 21 | Orphans Drinking Deftly | A glass of claret twice per day | |
| 2001 Dec 14 | Other Presentiments of Scoutmasters from Bothnia | Remembering his empty purse | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Other Pubic Grindings | Ah, your onyx eyes and sequined purse | |
| 1998 Jan 13 | Other Shark-Infested Pillows | Seven cubed plus fourteen squared | |
| 2004 Mar 26 | Otherworldly Newsagent With Or Without Croutons | A surgeon addicted to soup | |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Otherworldly Stuff By Bob | Quentin Tarantino | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Ounces of Hidden Obviousness | I got the "I Ain't Got Nuthin' to be Blue About" blues | |
| 2007 Apr 11 | Our Blessed Foolery Again | Neo® caught me unawares | |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Our Bombastic Parlour Pig | Terence wrote, when not in Thrace, a clutch of tearful plays | |
| 2003 Oct 4 | Our First Love We Denied | We fell into the ocean | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Our Knoll Stroll | Where was JFK, the evening I was shot? | |
| 2005 Sep 7 | Our Leather-Bound Archipelago Swept Clean | Returning to my spawning-grounds | |
| 2002 Sep 21 | Our Lissom Laureate | When you wish upon a stoat | |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Our Mutinous Ukulele | Skiing down a snow-filled tunnel | |
| 2001 Oct 1 | Our Northern Weeds Notwithstanding | Outside the gates of Swindon | |
| 2000 May 2 | Our Nose, Once Bitten | The great thing about the verse compositions of Ogden Nash | |
| 2001 Apr 25 | Our Only Strawberry | Why me? | |
| 2006 Feb 24 | Our Road Is Hardly Justified | Put me through the paper shredder | |
| 2006 Aug 24 | Our Score Was Enough For Zeke | I went to Zeke's to buy some paint | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Our Snotty Pim | I bought a cute puppet named Pim | |
| 2005 Apr 26 | Our Socratic Brethren Will One Morning Save The Welsh Unaided | Plato's grin did shame the sun | |
| 2003 May 12 | Our Sword Unsheathed by Metaphors | Rabid was the postman | |
| 2005 Jul 29 | Our Technocrats Under Duress | Strontium nitrate | |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Our Ugliest Newly-Weds Disgust Me | A feast of fumes, a feast of fumes | |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Our Vectors Ineptly Computed | Chucked up, chucked out | |
| 2005 Apr 26 | Our Welsh Brethren Confess | Rushing from the Laundromat® | |
| 2004 Oct 6 | Outlawed Haiku | This secret haven | |
| 1998 Dec 1 | Outlet-valve in preparation | If spring does not come | |
| 2006 Jun 24 | Outwardly Nubile | Let us go then, you and I | |
| *** | 1997 Apr 30 | Ovaltine Cannot Age My Kitten | Cracked, but half asleep |
| 2005 Feb 4 | Over And Outhouse | Astride a blazing horse | |
| 2005 Apr 12 | Over Blighty Dipping | Men who pause | |
| 2006 Jan 3 | Over By The Time She Smells The Brie | Sunk by the Spanish Amanda | |
| *** | 1999 Nov 1 | Over-baked blossom | Now listen, please. I've brought you here |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Overcome Heart | My life is like a mouse-trap | |
| 2004 May 17 | Oversight Of The Acrosticial | When any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes | |
| 2003 Feb 11 | Overtures Misunderstood | Why are men so damn complex? | |
| 2002 Jun 17 | Own Kempt Wonders | Once glutton, twice dry | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Ownership for Men | This is dedicated to the one I love | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Pablo The Optometrist's Friend | Picasso, in his early years, | |
| 2003 Sep 11 | Package Surprise, Not Surprise Package | Oft had I heard of Lucy Gray | |
| 2005 Sep 21 | Packed Without Any Discernible Entropy | The last was gone before its hour | |
| 2004 Nov 9 | Packing-case Diagrams | When all seems lost, all hope forlorn | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Paid to End | When I find myself in times of trouble, | |
| 2001 May 23 | Palace Challenge to the Party | It's a noble bird, is your gannet | |
| 2004 Feb 2 | Pale Mutabilities Of Death In Wales | Forget them all, their necks, their eyes | |
| 2001 Feb 16 | Palfreyman In Switzerland | Doubled up with laughter, trebled up with woe | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Palindromes, Madam? | Sex at one, Kate! Take no taxes | |
| 2004 Jun 14 | Palomar Mentors | Got Venus in my Transit | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Pam Sandwiches, Pruriently Sliced | The millimetre: squat, unclean | |
| 2001 Nov 16 | Pancreatic Recreations | Her bashfulness, though not innate | |
| 1998 Nov 25 | Pandora's Boxing-glove | I never tire of asking | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Pantoum of Brevity | Looking down through the shadows | |
| 2003 Dec 17 | Papal Disgust | If you lift a dog with a crane, will he count to infinity? | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Paper Grasshoppers | The moon's a baloon, you know | |
| 2003 Jul 27 | Parental | "You smell bad, Father William," the young man said, | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Paris Blemished | The last time I saw Paris | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Parsec Progression Beyond | What are the odds | |
| 2004 Dec 8 | Parts That Require Frequent Calibration | A man once played my didgeridoo | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Pastiche (Coconuts) | Palm trees are not known to thrive amid the snow | |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Paternity Proves Nothing | Crayfish, lobster, crab | |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Pathos During Moonsets | This wearisome drought | |
| 2004 Aug 5 | Patience Is Never Compared To Hopscotch | Is solitaire a virtue? | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Paul never liked peace anyhow | Yes, haiku is back | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Pay Cash For Everything Except Unguents | Late Christmas Eve the lot was dark, and so I filched a tree | |
| 2002 Feb 4 | Pay for Teddy-bears | By the black infernal Styx I sat | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | PC #22 | Televised indignities, alas | |
| 2003 Jan 30 | Peace Comes Drivelling | We were a million strong and growing | |
| 2003 Dec 23 | Peaches En Famille | This mortal skull that looks on me | |
| 2002 Nov 6 | Peeping Tomcat | To drill through the crust of The Hague | |
| 2005 Oct 23 | Pending Further Guests | Does anybody come here any more? | |
| 2002 Nov 15 | Pension Rites After Sex | My metaphor is drawn from ice | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | People Ran for the Butter | "Relax", I say, but they never obey | |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Peptic Ulster | Later than the final hour | |
| 2004 Aug 13 | Perdition In Vitro | When I went to the bar as a very young man | |
| 2005 Feb 9 | Perfect Pitchers | Monosyllables | |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Perhaps | And I thought it might be morning | |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Perhaps You Think I'll Hide | A walk in the park is all very nice | |
| 2003 Aug 30 | Permanent Perdition | Have you ever felt vibrating oscillatons?Perhaps reverberating resonations? | |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Perpetual Hermeneutic Of Girl-Guides | When the pressure on our thinking | |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Perpetual Nestled Teacups | It's not my cup of tea | |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Persistent Fading | Chatting can be difficult | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Persnickety Girls | I once saw a doctor in Dayton | |
| 2003 Jan 27 | Person or Thing Unknown | The first time I went to Iraq | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Perspective Isn't All Unlikely | A tap on the spine | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Perwinkle Trout Wrack | His boots were made of manta ray, | |
| 2003 Mar 9 | Pestilent Ploughshares, Deficient Turnips | These latter-day halfwits, invading the turf | |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Pets Are Not What They Seem | If every dog and every cat | |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Pharyngitis Spells Trouble | Unbridled is your sense of fear | |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Phenomenology for Carrots | My philosophy is very clear | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Phew! Poodles! | Beans, beans, the musical fruit | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Phew, Too | (haiku) I've forgotten much | |
| 2004 Oct 30 | Philately Tentacles | I'm off – be back by Thursday night | |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Philosophers Lacking Reason | When Kierkegaard was down-at-heel | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Phoebe Married The Warmonger | Smell my squirty button-hole | |
| *** | 2006 May 30 | Phoenix, Bored | Is no-one here to waken me? |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Phones and Windows | The phone is mute, a black hook | |
| 2000 Aug 15 | Phyllis, My Secret Squirrel | We met in Dublin, in disguise, | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Pick You What | Whatchamacallit and thingamajig | |
| 2003 Jun 18 | Pickle My Creation | Welcome, fine folks, but please be more attentive! | |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Pickpockets, Rejoice! | Shall I invite you to a game of darts? | |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Picture This, My Chatelaine | Rembrandt, on his better days, | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Pie Trappings | Nymphs and satyrs, centaurs and dryads | |
| 2005 Dec 8 | Piebald Cheques | 'The first day of the rest of your life', they sang, | |
| 2002 Jul 29 | Piecemeal Premonitions | I saw Yehudi Menuhin | |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Pies And Astrolabes | Body-rot, on crocodiles | |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Pig Lint Hit | My blog is narcissistic, though its readers, voyeuristic, | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Piggy And The Penguin Bankers | My head is full of fish, I fear | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Piggy, Piggy, Here Comes Piggy | PIGGY WINGS | |
| 2005 Feb 3 | Piglet In Weymouth | To catch the dreaded Heffalump | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Pigment Denial | Pigment | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Pinaforesque | When I was a lad, I served my time | |
| 2004 Feb 23 | Pious Hens of Unknowing | What kind of men are these, with beards and balding pates? | |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Piquant Hostesses | Bowls of mustard lined the hall | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Pirate Rhymes | There once was a pirate, Blackbeard | |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Pirates And Self-Loathing | A pattern is emerging | |
| 2004 Nov 1 | Plane Of Placenta | Tribulation, fear and woe | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Planets of Repeated Sincerity | (limerick) There was a young maiden from Venus | |
| 2000 May 22 | Plangent Daily Wailing | Cadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow | |
| 2004 Sep 1 | Plans For Nobody | Andromeda, I cry to thee | |
| 2005 Feb 24 | Plans For Vacillation | I think I might go out today | |
| 2005 Sep 24 | Platonic Scooter Or Worse | Banish poets? To The Pole? | |
| 2005 Jan 19 | Plausibly Roguish | A subpoena has been issued (you were asking for it) | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Playland Smack | Raggedy-Ann has a heroin habit | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Please Don't Try | I wish to call attention | |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Please Let Us Pronounce Each Syllable Better | One for the money, two for joy | |
| 2003 Jan 8 | Please Not Sideways, Arabella | Dreary as a paper towel | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Please Pass the Wrestler | It is an ancient wrestler | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Pleasingly Cyclical | In the evening came the cycles | |
| 2005 Nov 18 | Pleasure for Godmothers | Buckets of slime | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Plunder of the Phigosia | I have dined with the Gods, and yet | |
| 2007 Feb 15 | Plutarch, Amnesia Abroad | Grievances and Remonstrance are my middle names | |
| 2003 Oct 8 | Plutarchs Anthill Blues | When flying on a jumbo jet | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Poem Against The Removal Of Divided Teeth | Remember, sir, when spooning with your bill | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Poetry Alloys | When composing a poem, one must | |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Poetry and Excess | There was a man from Timbuktu | |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Poetry Means Never Having To Wink | Puerile and dull is the Limerick form | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Poets - We're Belligerent To A Fault | Poets fight with words and not with swords | |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Poets Into Beasts | I know what it's like to be a poet. | |
| 2004 Dec 31 | Pointless Goodness | "The End is near!" the Bellman cried | |
| 2001 Jun 20 | Pointless Noses | A pound of cheese is just the stuff | |
| 2003 Oct 30 | Pointy Sticks With Hats | Shall I compare thee to an Autumn's day? | |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Pole Bank Frippery | The long haul to Christmas has started today | |
| 2000 May 18 | Polemic Polarity | Hamstrung by a woollen noose | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Pollyanna Has Mugged Me | Like a small child in a candy store | |
| 2000 Jan 31 | Pontifex Caught Under Bridges | Though drowning in the vat, I can | |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Poor Child Roland | How he dawdles! Watch the steps | |
| 2005 Mar 17 | Poor Semblance Of Artistic Metaphors | Prodigiously attractive | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Poorly Bohemians After Supper | An escapee from sanity: that's me | |
| 2007 Apr 11 | Pop Goes My Rotten Hamster | A dozen spindly orphans | |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Popcorn Of The French | When tapdancing down the Champs Elysees | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Porcine Tales By Granddaddy | I've got a brand new bathroom | |
| 2004 May 17 | Pork Beam Custard | Palpably encoded in the Turing mould | |
| 2006 May 30 | Pork-pie Hatred In Stoke | I hefted bricks of twenty pounds | |
| 1997 Oct 31 | Possible Idolaters in a Black Throat | In all my vast concerns | |
| 2000 Nov 24 | Possibly Wasting My Days | Longshot: five apostles | |
| 2006 Apr 4 | Powers That Remain Potent | A night of perfect chaos | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Practise The Birdy | At the crack of day when the baby birds do sing | |
| 2003 Nov 5 | Pray For Dinner | Another web, another fly, another day has wrapped - yet I | |
| 1998 Mar 22 | Prayer Wheel Poker | Carpenter's, my only hope, | |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Predicated Upon Juvenile Ignorance | The bishop, in his water-wig | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Prefaces Are Lovely | Let us be pretentious, erudite, utilizing abstruse references, esoterica | |
| 2004 Jan 1 | Prejudices Coming To Your Local Works Canteen | Said aged King Lear | |
| 2005 Sep 27 | Prematurely Concluded | Envoi | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Prey Letters | I wandered lonely as a clod | |
| 2002 Jul 18 | Professor Branestawm Finally Succumbs | This so-called portrait of the Bard | |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Profit and the Usual Umbrage | Lest we profit from the slides | |
| 2004 May 26 | Profit From Jaaaaazzzzzzzz | When any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes | |
| 1997 Dec 14 | Promising A Macrocosmic Disaster | If Dusseldorf were Dusseldorf | |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Prone To Tautologies | Of sacred cows and catered sows | |
| *** | 1998 Oct 22 | Propose The Impossible | Jemima: take this catapult |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Proposition (The Metaphysical Routine) | The end of the day is not the start of the night | |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Prosperity Falters If Poverty Persists Beyond The Breadline | Meathook | |
| 2000 Jan 3 | Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic Festivities | As Christmas nears I lift my pen | |
| 1998 Jun 21 | Protracted, Dreamlike, Hermetic, Peculiar, Helpless | It may have been a Tuesday - the bus was late again | |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Protruding Posterior | The real derivation of 'prat' | |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Proved Once, Baked Twice | Unshockable, the bailiff's urge | |
| 2001 May 17 | PSSB | He is bald and bespectacled | |
| 2003 Sep 16 | Pub Coquettes | Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face | |
| 2005 Jan 28 | Puberty Before Breakfast | Chastising priests becomes a sport | |
| 1998 Dec 11 | Puberty with Cheeseburger | Of course | |
| 2003 May 10 | Pugna Porcorum | I put lobsters in her sock drawer | |
| 2004 Mar 5 | Punctuated Parsimony | There' s no use whining | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Pure Floundering | How little do we know ourselves | |
| 2004 Jul 8 | Purse Maps | In the second shopping-trolley | |
| 1998 May 17 | Putresco's Wondering | Cartwheels begone! From shattered climes | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Putting the Carthorse Before Zen | At times the truth may not appear the best approach to take | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Puzzled Monkey | There once was a Coventry Monkey | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Pyramids | When mummies in their sarcophagi | |
| 2007 Apr 13 | Pythagoras or Pinter | Tangents beckon from afar - with mystic hints of tangerine: | |
| 1999 Feb 8 | Quantum Snork Sput Snooting | Well bless my soul and clean my boots! I've started a new stanza | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Quantum World | Photons green and neutrons pink | |
| 2002 Nov 5 | Queen Adelaide's Shapely Bozos | Twas' once the perfect time for wrath, | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Queen Of The Feathers | Her innocence unquestioned, her purity renowned | |
| 2004 Jun 3 | Quenching Their Papyrus Of Filth | Saratoga springs eternal | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Questionable Pantheons | Slumberers! Rome is burning all about you | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Questioning Before | Did you ever wonder why | |
| 2004 Feb 6 | Questions, Not More | When You've made all Creation in just seven days | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Quiche Swim | If every boy and every girl | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Quicksand in My Tush | You're my special Dalek | |
| 2001 Sep 5 | Quiet Teatime Moments | The carrot spoke too sweetly | |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Quietude Is Surrender | All is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands | |
| *** | 1999 Aug 4 | Quite | Why, oh why, oh why, oh why? |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Quixotic Robot Quests | Teflon starships ply the inky depths | |
| 2000 Apr 9 | Radishes Cloned My Goat! | Arabella Spommit had a cat made out of cheese | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Railing Against Sooty | I promise not to mention lice | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Rain is No Substitute | In shimmering skies the clouds were humming | |
| 2004 Jun 1 | Raindrops Keep Dripping On The Photoshoot | Atop the hill the castle stood | |
| 2000 May 14 | Ramsgate Station (1066) | When mice attack a quarter-back | |
| 2002 Oct 31 | Raptures of Our Lady Bromide | Let her curl up and sleep on the railway | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 27 | Rash Wednesday On The Grim Reeperbahn | Give me a whirl on the trampoline dull |
| 2004 Aug 24 | Raskolnikov Spotless, Adrift Upon Oceans | Jesuitical was his way | |
| 1998 Jun 1 | Raskolnikov's Fallen | If night should fall before the deed is done | |
| 2003 Nov 6 | Rather A Pain For The Fairy | A piece of verse should pierce the soul | |
| 2006 Jul 29 | Ravioli Ramblings | Though Cecil balked at Puffy's plan | |
| 2004 Aug 25 | Reaper Without Envy | Kaolin | |
| 2003 Oct 11 | Rearward Facing Gum Machines Realise Their Cosmic Purpose | An overpriced player called Rio | |
| 1997 Oct 11 | Reasonable Crimes Of Tarpaulin | Tribal animosity | |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Rebel Angels, Mountain Dance | Labouring dismally under a sky | |
| 2001 Feb 8 | Recant Nothing, Martyrs | Full fathom five the aardvark lies | |
| 2007 Jan 15 | Recipe For A Very Quiet Airplane | Add a fraction from the jar | |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Recommendation To Decline Molloy's Meringues | A pound of grease is just the stuff | |
| 2000 Oct 25 | Recriminations Against The Hideous Nymphet | In olden days, a glimpse of Hockney | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Recruitment Drive By The Bogus Snobbery Guardians | How to swell our number, how increase our ranks? | |
| *** | 2003 Nov 14 | Recycling Genesis | In the beginning Bob created the woman and the beer |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Redemption of the Radishes | Blossoms the color of bruises | |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Rediscovered Unchanged | Choice apples, red or lilac, I now eat | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Redneck Designs | Southern Astrological Signs | |
| 1998 Apr 3 | Reduplications over | This confirms | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Reeling From The Effects Of Beer | Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall | |
| 2002 May 13 | Reflections Behind Closed Minds | The art of interactive verse | |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Refusenik Attitudes Long Considered Passé | Is that your usual tone of voice? | |
| 1997 Apr 6 | Regarding Mr Slick | Chiropracters, anarchists, and sheep | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Regardless of Their Appearance | The haiku beckons | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Regional Railway Sensibilities | Mostly air, my lost parade | |
| 2003 Jan 9 | Regurgitate Afresh | I ring alarms with my Nan | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Reinstate War Fun | You've seen but a few of my numerous failings | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Relativity In Guise Of The Moving Moon | A small chunky moon drifts or perhaps | |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Relentless Knishes | There was an old lady from Wales | |
| 2004 Mar 16 | Relying On Our Native Discretion | Uncle Stalin's on the floor | |
| 2005 Jul 20 | Remedial By Association | Sufferers of synarthrodiae | |
| 1999 Jun 17 | Remember My Helicopter? | Never in the history of this our Mother Earth | |
| 2003 Jan 29 | Remembrance of Things Pasteurised | The year was but a few weeks old | |
| 1999 Sep 7 | Renaissance Dental Imperfections Gallery | All right he said, I think I will | |
| 2002 Jun 17 | Repeatedly Focal | Old Uncle Tom made a nuclear bomb | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Replacement Of My Jaundiced Petticoat | Anyone asking about apples | |
| 1997 Nov 29 | Requisite Tragedy | Christopher Robin was captured by those | |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Rescued From My Defects | There upon the ceiling, in a pattern rich and rare, | |
| 2004 Sep 21 | Reunions That Plato Forgot | Selected for his miseries | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Reveal the Masonic Prudes | I heard him curse, I heard him groan | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Revelations Undergone | Shaman footfall | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Revenge | To those of you who through the years | |
| 2002 Mar 20 | Revenge of the Defecating Cutlery | Cuttlebone, my next of kin | |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Reversed In The Wash Of Fortune | Corporation. There we go | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Revisionist Shenanigans | In my cardboard cardigan | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Rhyme | Is the meaning of poetry lost in the ages? | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Rhyme in Perversity | Forgive me if I sound perverse | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Rich Tarts' Applause | When I was young, I was terribly poor | |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Ridicule Enough For Cherubim | Strong dominion, over whelks, | |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Right Nestled Securely Among Wrong | Our old friend, haiku | |
| 2004 Mar 30 | Rites For Responsible Raisins | My cummerbund was missing | |
| 2004 Aug 17 | Robbers Never Stopped Us Before Lunch | It started at quarter to one | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Robert Faked Tough Choices | There was an old coot from Zimbabwe | |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Rock Husks | Vowels with a vengeance invigorate vows | |
| 1999 Apr 24 | Romeo's Disagreeable Collapsible Peregrinations | 'Festival of shouting!', so barked the trusty swain | |
| 1998 Sep 4 | Romeo's Last Reward (Exodus) | The note bore the crest of nobility, | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Roomy Life | He spent his life in deep despair and gloom | |
| 2005 Nov 14 | Rorschach Fondling | With sorghum, millet, rice and oats | |
| 2002 Jul 30 | Rotting Icebergs, Sketched by Proust | To tear the grimy Gospel | |
| *** | 2000 Apr 10 | Round/Arabesque | Do not cry, my darling, do not cry |
| *** | 2004 May 25 | Rubbish-tip Top | The moving pencil writes and, having writ, it breaks |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Rubicund Mummeries | mummeries cast brightly upon lavender sidewalks | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Rude Feminism | Carol took my G.I. Joe and hitted him with a stick | |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Ruined Dreamscapes | I had an eerie dream last week | |
| 2004 Oct 4 | Ruinously Enough | An omission, in the dyke, | |
| 2003 Jan 17 | Rumour Pills | Licensed to kill, my dear | |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Rural Consternation | My sister's just ripped a tractor in two | |
| 2004 Aug 11 | Rustic Tangent | The taxidermist's holiday | |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Sacks Of Moonshine | Out here in the wasteland | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Sadly Going Between Seasons | The empty swing still made arcs | |
| 1997 Jun 7 | Saffron, Saffron | I've seen the skull beneath the scone | |
| 2004 Sep 3 | Sages Of Most Definite Hopefulness | Behold! | |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Sailor Marinated In November | Pleiades in yonder sky | |
| 1997 Mar 11 | Saint Nincompoop's Aplomb | I remember, I remember when verses used to scan | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Sam | Will Kansas Sam be upset with us when he gets back? | |
| 2003 Jan 27 | Samantha's Sinister Hockey Tour | My hermitage, lodged safely on the crag | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Sanctum Inviolate | Damned hypocrisy! In truth I hate them all | |
| *** | 2004 Sep 16 | Satanists With No Desire For Pontifical Stripes | I bought a thing on ebay |
| 2005 Jun 13 | Saul Bellow Cloudringed By Nymphs | In his Jeans®, stood Jasper Johns | |
| 2002 Mar 3 | Sausage Pouting Pictured | Echinacea, oil of rum, it's all the same to us! | |
| 1998 Jun 8 | Sausages in Strangeness | A man in blackface wandered into the hall | |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Sausages Stitched Lengthways | The rats climbed on the rising ship | |
| 2004 Aug 19 | Save Our Dickensian Surrogates | Scuttling from clime to clime | |
| 2001 Oct 10 | Saved By The Old Handbags Again | Architecture! Drifting slow | |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Saying Much, While Keeping Silent | He sponsored a Gonk | |
| 2003 Jul 9 | Scapegoat Ranchers | Why isn't tomorrow | |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Scarcely | The glaciers of Egypt | |
| 2002 Apr 2 | Schrödinger Blue | Gusts and mists are just the stuff of dreams... | |
| 2003 Aug 16 | Scone Clichés | It's always darkest just before it gets lighter | |
| 1998 Jun 23 | Scouting for Mice | Stupidity, my carapace | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Scrapple Lovin' | My headcheese does stink | |
| 1999 Dec 14 | Screaming by Rote | A random collection of words | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Screaming for Revenge in the Afterlife | Something there is that doesn't love a fish | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Scurvy and Varlets | I challenge you now with my swordTo the death! (well I'm really quite bored) | |
| 1999 Mar 10 | Seal Cobblers | Now, children, gather round, and I will tell you of Old Tom | |
| 2001 Aug 10 | Seaside Hallucination (Felixstowe Docks) | The shores of sand stood up and waved | |
| 2002 Nov 14 | Seasons Intemperate | If ever I should leave you, it might as well be now | |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Secret Habitude with Men | She frolicks gaily, like a goat | |
| 2003 Oct 29 | Secretly, in Aberdeen | A day in the life of... | |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Sector Vector Ejector | In this one thing all others meet | |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Sediment Flying In From The Airfield | Ten more miles and we'll be home | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Seduction Are Us | It is the faintest of sounds | |
| 1999 Jan 26 | Seeds | The seeds of gourds shook,shook,shook! | |
| 2004 Jun 21 | Seegarten Tour For Wits | If it's standing-room only | |
| 2006 Mar 29 | Seeing As We Amuse Your Garden | Oh raucous bleating | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Seek the Shade, the Silence | In a garden of unrestful silence | |
| 1997 Jan 22 | Seemly Onions | A beast with two backs | |
| 2005 Oct 25 | Seldom So Frequently | Gone before its time | |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Semantics Alone | At 4 o'clock on Sunday, with nothing much to do | |
| 2004 May 21 | Semaphore Statements Issued In Urdu | Let's keep this one simple | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Semi Frenzy | The smell of camphor; dust motes in the sun; | |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Semicolon Failings | The scarlet letter, none too soon | |
| 2007 Jan 5 | Semolina and its Would-Be Dictionary | When my friend, Jarvis, called me 'queer' | |
| 2005 Apr 12 | Send Major Wordsworth | Said I to Gus Grissom | |
| 1999 Jan 25 | Sensible Noses | A small crimson telephone quivers | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Separation Athletic | My love is sailing to Toledo | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Septuagenarians | Much to my dismay, I turned seventy today | |
| 2003 Sep 8 | Sequoia's Lawyers | The sycamore's riposte | |
| *** | 2004 May 21 | Seven Seasons In Red | Was it for this that I sold all my children? |
| 2004 Mar 22 | Several Chemistry Sets | Bromide in the afternoon | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Several Nirvana Years | This metropolis, this wasteland, these wand'ring souls | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Several Sporting Opportunities For Norwich | What makes a lively lunchtime | |
| 2002 Nov 19 | Shake My Garnish | Let us go then, you and I, | |
| 1998 Oct 3 | Shakespeare's apparent homily diverts the Thames ferry-men | Lay thee at my rump, thou contumelious sot | |
| 1996 Dec 10 | Shakespearean Temptation | Fourteen tubes of toothpaste mark my grave | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Shaking Like Evaporating Milkmaids | Don't think me ungrateful, but | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Shaking Moon Teabag | There was a spoonbiller so svelte | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Shameless? Us? | The incredulous bunch, the lot of them all | |
| 2002 Sep 23 | Sharing Lulu's Breakfast | Guile ... beyond its main intent, | |
| 2001 Dec 13 | She boils | In its own bottle | |
| 2004 Apr 20 | She Never Even Saw His Noble Bonfire | Without ever eating | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | She Never Surrenders Without A... | She is a lady in her heart | |
| 2001 Aug 9 | She Performed Badly | Young Margaret was a silly girl | |
| 2000 May 24 | She Wasn't Waving But His Trousers Were | She was poor but she was honest | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | She-devils Unruly | How are you doing, Mr. Slurb? | |
| 2004 Sep 17 | She-men And Domestic Appliances | If silence is golden, why won't you be quiet? | |
| 2003 Feb 5 | Sheepish Ambition | If the thought of hope is not enough | |
| 2004 May 10 | Shelley: Drowning Was Enough | The weight of any bantam | |
| 1998 Sep 30 | Shirley's Dancing Socks (or Ellen's) | Socks! My red socks, | |
| 2002 Dec 11 | Shirley, My Wife for a Day | Some caged bird squawks | |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Shivering With Sharks | When the mercury plunges to ungodly lows | |
| 2006 Mar 8 | Shogun Marmalade | Sveldt in someone's turban | |
| 2006 Jun 15 | Show Me How Verdi Murdered Houdini | his pendulum might make you sneeze | |
| 2006 Sep 7 | Showmen, Their Regrettable Legend | Tonsils made of plastic | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Shriven | Most cats repent of all their sins | |
| 2001 Jan 21 | Shutters Fold Tightly Again | 6 x 6 - from wall to wall | |
| 2000 Mar 31 | Sickening Ogresses Devour Octameters | Twice, beneath a battered moon | |
| 2004 Dec 15 | Sidcup Half-remembered | It's not the custom, nowadays | |
| 2002 Sep 10 | Side-Salad Mechanisms | As the world wheels it way around the sky | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Sigh and Suicide | It's time for a limerick now | |
| 2005 Feb 22 | Sigh No More, Ladies | The Dutch maintain that any eye | |
| 2002 Nov 14 | Sign Rise | Toffee dipped in chocolate, by the wastrel's hand, | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Signs Of Sorrows | I am sowing hope | |
| 2002 Feb 4 | Silently Fabulous | Glutinous grist is my dish of the day, | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Silicon Dreams | My computer's on the blink | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Silly Clothes | My boots they are not filigree'd | |
| 2006 May 31 | Simulacra Of The Smaller Variety Found In Brighton | When they talk about Eau de Cologne | |
| 2004 Oct 5 | Since We Are Seldom Decoded | Caught in cobwebs, smothered by your love | |
| 2002 Nov 22 | Sing for Switzerland, Salesperson! | Blue Degrees or Royal Arch, in time, | |
| 2004 Jun 1 | Sing Soprano Like They're Sniffing | A venerated halibut consecrated mass | |
| 2004 Jun 23 | Singing For Our Tea In C | A whipping-boy | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Singing the Family Song | Simon says, "Slow down, you're movin' too fast" | |
| 2006 Feb 16 | Sirloin Of Thanet | Give this custard just one stir | |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Sister Sarah and the Beef Panic | Whatcha gonna do when the money runs out? | |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Situtationist Funeral | Pallbearers of uneven height | |
| 2005 Feb 1 | Sixty-five Degrees | If you squeegee my windshield, I'll scour your pot | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Skin | Does your skin keep you warm in the night? | |
| 2005 Feb 9 | Skin For Us Those Infidel Shareholders | An agéd man in green I saw | |
| 2001 Dec 7 | Skywards in Epping's Impenetrable Parkland | 'I hear you have a speaker-phone' | |
| 2000 Sep 11 | Slander Me! | I'm the child of a Red Road skyscraper. | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Sleep Will Not Be Heard | I really need to get some sleep | |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Sleeping Is Ignorance | While trudging through the swamp let us endeavor | |
| 2007 Mar 28 | Sleeping is no Phenomenon | Tinctures of old lead | |
| 2001 Nov 12 | Slice My Sausage Thinly, Samantha | When I was young and fancy free | |
| 2006 Feb 22 | Slighted By Angels | Bandsaw. Egret. Alpenstock. | |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Slithy Again | 'Twas brillig and the coach and four | |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Smells Like Parfum | Céline, we'll make a fortune if you'll sweat into this vat | |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Smiles Bestow Blessings | Like a snake, your smile stretches | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Smog Onions | The smog comes on little rat feet | |
| 2004 Aug 6 | Smudge On A Trumpet | I'm not even thinking | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Sneezing | Arrrrghhh!!!! | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Snow Slithers Up | The night was dark and stormy | |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Snow Wheels | To those who'd venture off the brink, atop a fold-up scooter, | |
| 2007 Apr 13 | Snow Without Distinction | From the swirling coffee-grounds | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | So Let's Not Eat | The fridge is lurking in a corner - tempting me to sin | |
| 1996 Dec 15 | Soar, churlish repetiteur! | Day breaks like a condor's egg | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Sobering Laptop | T'was but a night on the dell | |
| 2006 Jul 6 | Socialists Challenging A Shutdown | A dinghy's captain, fearing wreck | |
| 2004 Sep 23 | Society Umbrellas | Your frothy latte burns my tongue | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Sold For Leather | It's time to shampoo my peruke | |
| 2003 Nov 22 | Solicitude Is For Featherweight Fools | Please, my dear, take off your coat | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Some Poet Unknown | May we address you in verse? | |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Somebody Is Rotting | It seemed (to | |
| 2004 Mar 30 | Somehow Somewhere Leads Nowhere | Would you like to wax my floor? | |
| 2003 Dec 23 | Someone Who For Once Is Not Averse To Changing Lanes | Bespectacled, mustachioed--a man nondescript | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Something Beyond Hymenoptera | The version I favour | |
| 2003 Jul 29 | Something Counts | Zero was an astronaut | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Something Sinful For Basildon | Finally, the croissant burns | |
| 2003 Dec 4 | Sometimes Almost Roundish | Pasquale's famously roundish tartan muffled | |
| 2004 Feb 19 | Sometimes Enough Makes Sense | The trampled multitude are free - | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Songs of Prestigious Bill Giblets, the Whistling Tailor | I had my shoes shined in Chicago once | |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Sonia Wasn't Lost | Sonia is my name, flirting is my game | |
| 2000 Feb 15 | Sonnet | This flower that we planted long ago | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 14 | Sonnet | If the prophets who foretell my life |
| 2001 Jun 3 | Sonnets Lately Despatched | When to the summons of a baker's wife | |
| 2004 Apr 11 | Soprano And Under | Surrendering to something | |
| 2003 Dec 14 | Sorry Excuses | Cold, you say? | |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Sorry Lament For Gilded Wallets | When I consider what my wife has spent | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Sorry, Sausalito | Sausalito | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Sound-Effects for Hitchcock's Railway | These neatherds know a trick or two | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Sounds Like the Vampire Abroad | The beating of a distant drum | |
| 1998 Jan 20 | Soup Training - Who Cares? | Happy New Year to the burghers of Strood! | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Soupspoon | Three smooth stones near water's edge, gray as everyday | |
| 1997 Jun 14 | South Margin Closed, Always | Every thing hath a beginning | |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Sow Succcess | I'm pregnant and I don't know why | |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Spanner Hatred | Now the fat is in the fire | |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Sparklingly Devoid Of Interest | What is a thruttock? questioned Sam | |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Spartan Opinions Devour Our Siblings | A pestilence, a nuisance, a wretched waste of time! | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Spies Seeking Heat in Arabia | Close to the railway, hidden by bushes | |
| 1999 Feb 11 | Spin Friar | The Lady's not for burning | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Spin Skipper, My Ass | There once was a hack called Andrew Gilligan | |
| 2003 Jun 5 | Spin-doctors Confused | There's too little gristle and not enough fat | |
| 2003 Dec 27 | Splat Went The Fig Custard Fruitcakes | Kaboom and kerplunk, vavoom and achoo | |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Spooks Like Us | On Halloween lock all your doors | |
| 2004 Apr 20 | Spoon Receipt | Such is the demon's lot | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Spoonbillrocy | Twas jillig and the smirky twerps | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Spooning the Kielbasa Worse Than Me | Why must you eat the kielbasa? | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Spoons Succumb To Fawkes | A stack of broken furniture is set ablaze tonight | |
| 2003 Sep 11 | Spotted Crunch | I suggested a title word and the word was this | |
| 1998 Dec 16 | Spray-on Orkney Sweater | In the winter's brutal smile | |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Spread Your Ears Skiffle Junkies | Coughs and sneezes | |
| 2007 Jan 11 | Spurned To Glory | Let us now praise famous mounds | |
| 1999 Feb 13 | Squeamish, Mother? | Toothpaste is a substance that I readily ingest | |
| 2003 Jan 10 | Squeeze the Glands Beyond Table Manners | There's nothing so original | |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Squeezing Another's Pocket | There's no adventure that's too fanciful | |
| 2007 Feb 12 | Squid Divinity | Proem, poem, words of praise - | |
| 2002 Jun 28 | Squirrel-bitten, the Similes Decay | My love is like a rushing stream, of vigour full and free, | |
| *** | 1999 Dec 1 | Stacy's Fading Cardigan | The autumn leaves |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Staff Barbecue For Hygienic Elves | Pleonastic bunkers that the empire built | |
| *** | 1998 Nov 21 | Stale Toffees Know Nothing | His feet are larger than the sea |
| 2001 Dec 12 | Stanley Knife, Solid Flesh | Alone | |
| 2001 Dec 30 | Stapling Matilda (Augustinian Ballade) | Poet slain with paper knife | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Starfish Footwear | If starfish wore shoes | |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Start The Timeclock Earlier | Friday evening's nearly here | |
| 2005 Jul 12 | Starting Northwards, In No Uncertain Protocol | A Singer of Rats was elected | |
| 2004 Oct 11 | State-side Transmissions | These distinctions, in the dark, | |
| 2005 Jan 15 | Stealth For Newfound Cheeses | Broad pretensions, on the board-walk, | |
| 2006 Jun 21 | Steam Calendar | St. Swithin's Day? Is that in May? | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Steel Safari of Red Rivers | Said the zebra to the lion, "Why in heaven are you cryin'?" | |
| 2004 Jun 16 | Stewed Sea-weed, Nothing More | Pip, as a boy, the marshes trod | |
| 2005 Feb 21 | Still, Inkpots Leave Stains | Will you be f***ing p***ed if I use asterisks? | |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Stinky | Stinkbombs here and stinkbombs there | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Stinky Feet | (haiku) I think your feet stink | |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Stolen From Steel Factory Sirens | The skies were heavy as an ounce of osmium, | |
| 2001 Dec 10 | Stolen Kissograms in Ketchup | Such is cockaleekie, | |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Stolen: Orville, My Disgusting Donkey | Quandary, a quandary, | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Stop | A poem sat, neglected, unloved | |
| 2003 Dec 6 | Stop Playing Tiddlywinks When I'm Watching | On the plains of Andalucia, I met a honking horse | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Store Your Smiles | The store was stocked with many things | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Stories, Confabulations and Tears | Bright she was | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Storm the Language Barricade! | Latin died and Gaelic's not so well | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Straight Forward | tiny | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Strange Bits Of Filth | Kansas Sam's brain overheated | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Strange Stretched | Life passes by at a thousand miles an hour | |
| 2001 May 24 | Stravinksy in Sidcup: Untimely Minuet | If saints are souls with greater spirit | |
| 2000 Dec 9 | Stroll Across The Pier | When Sullivan was just a lad, his father went to see | |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Stuff Your Turkey And Grab A Second Chance For Redemption | I see you bought a pair of saddle shoes | |
| 2000 Aug 3 | Stuffed Pets | Fill up my brazen pockets with the water of the Loire | |
| 2002 Aug 16 | Stupid Polar | The rain it raineth every day | |
| 2004 Jun 25 | Subliminal Telemetry Wasted | A muse might amuse us | |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Subtle With Hotdogs | 'Here are the gum-boots you ordered, madam!' | |
| 1999 Dec 24 | Subtle, Said the Maggots | Spent moons bestrew th'empyrean | |
| 2005 Sep 20 | Subway Tools Again | Lucy Skeaping, queen of myst'ry, | |
| 2003 Dec 21 | Subzero Igloos | A frozen smile has crossed her sullen face | |
| 2003 May 15 | Succulent Retching | Complacent as the Minotaur | |
| 2006 Jan 8 | Such Conditions As Warrant Swift Kickings By Magistrates | Your claws, My Dear, are half your charm | |
| 2006 Jul 28 | Such Gravitas Is Wasted | Again, at the cathedral | |
| 2000 Jan 15 | Such Lucky Wickedness | Fortune fattens the brave | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Suck The Wonder | I wonder did you dance a Latin dance? | |
| 2000 Apr 4 | Suction By Toothsome Lip | By dressing up in surgeon's robes | |
| 1999 Nov 18 | Suds | The main thing to remember about hunting with a fish | |
| 2000 Feb 7 | Sugar Hates Recollections | 'Handle not the lesser fruit!', so spake the chieftain bold, | |
| 1999 Mar 6 | Sugared Death Watching | A simple thought occured today, entirely on its' own | |
| 2004 Aug 25 | Sugary Benisons During Walpurgisnacht | In conclusion, blessed child, | |
| 2001 Jan 11 | Sunday, We Confess | A monstrous sneeze assails the ears | |
| 2000 Dec 22 | Sundial Shines | How about this new departure: | |
| 2003 Dec 13 | Sundry Things Spread Thinly | Once a brave Sultana | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Superhighway Of Discontent | Cyberspace is crumbling | |
| 2000 May 11 | Surely it behoves us to grant... | In Istanbul | |
| 2002 Nov 6 | Surlaw Sha'n't Contribute Veterinary Vouchers | Perhaps I'm not so odd | |
| 1997 Jul 30 | Surplus Penguins | Burn my Waiting-List | |
| 2004 May 9 | Surprise Dentistry | At a quarter past one on the fifteenth of May | |
| 2001 Jul 27 | Surprise Ending | A lamb-chop once asked me | |
| 2004 Mar 1 | Surprise Me Less | The trunk in the attic held something amazing | |
| 2004 Jul 27 | Swedish Substitute For Previously Contaminated Dessert | Speciously, you are so fine! | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Sweet Global Soup | Across the time-zones, rhymesters meet | |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Swimming for Pilgrims | What cloud through yonder window frowns? | |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Swimming Upstream For Several Rhymes | Quietly humming his favourite tune, | |
| *** | 1997 Dec 28 | Swimming While Drowned | Who were the Bewlay Sisters |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Swinging the Tarzan | They trained me, from mine early years | |
| 1997 Mar 2 | Swooping Ono Delight | This is an ode to all things past, | |
| 2004 Aug 11 | Syllabub Proverbs | The lumps one sometimes finds in cream | |
| 2001 Jan 1 | Symphony Buttocks With Apricot Orchestra | Toast Christmas dog | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Synthetic Harmony, Synthetic Reflections | Another new poem, now what will it be? | |
| 2005 Feb 3 | Systemic Gouda | Stale cheese croutons in my jar | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Tabletop Heirs | I've never hit a man I didn't like | |
| 2001 May 9 | Tadpoles of Doom | Remember me when I am dead, | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Tale Of Municipal Ribaldry | What strange goings-on have there been in this town | |
| 1999 Jan 11 | Tales for the Dogmatical Nursemaid | The unicorn, though custom deems it myth, | |
| 2004 Mar 31 | Tales Of Someone Taller Than Expected | Tell me, O Wanderer, whom do you seek? | |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Talisman Testicle | You can't take it with you - or so I've been told | |
| 2004 Jul 21 | Taller Despite Appearances | The short-cuts that Yevgeny likes | |
| 2005 Jul 30 | Tantric Diagrams | The empty vest had seen some times | |
| 1997 Apr 29 | Tapioca Mouthwash | Outrage at the orthodox | |
| 1999 Aug 30 | Tarantula Flakes Ripped my Earlobe | What is the point if one lacks the finish ? | |
| 2004 Feb 21 | Tardy Wishes For Sweethearts And Critics | Your valentine was late arriving, the message rather sappy | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Tarragon Piglets | Heaven-sent sixpence, platypus pie | |
| 2005 Jul 25 | Tartlets In Custardy | Blesséd fragrance, of the Nile, | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Taxes, Always | Taxes, levies, tithes, and tariffs | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Tea Calms, Warmth Invades | My tea warms my hands | |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Tea With Cartoons | Between the kettle and the cot | |
| 2004 Jul 12 | Tea-room Trumpery | Catachresis in the crypt | |
| 2005 May 17 | Tears Before Tonsils | Lethal injection, on the tide, | |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Telephone in a Wishing Well | I woke up this morning as blue as your eyes | |
| 2001 Nov 1 | Television Penis Disenfranchisement | Born with magic pubic hair | |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Telling Tales of Mother's Bullseye | You shouldn't keep an apple | |
| 2000 Dec 16 | Tempestuous Trousers of Thrace | Put yourself in your neighbour's shoes | |
| 1999 Feb 3 | Tenacious Loip | A harsh law, or an honest law? | |
| 2002 Dec 9 | Tendencies (Lapsed) | Who pollutes the Muses | |
| 2003 Mar 28 | Tendentious Reassurances | Another thousand syllables | |
| 2004 Jul 16 | Tennis Balls Striking Us Forcibly | I never will get over | |
| 2001 Jun 19 | Tennyson's Elbow Transplant | I glanced upon your book last night - | |
| 2002 Apr 19 | Tennyson's Untreated Butane Vat Goes Whoosh | Come into the garden, John, for the dark bat night has teeth | |
| 2000 Oct 16 | Tents Erected in Plymouth Sound | 'Give me the buzz!' I shrieked in blunt Welsh | |
| 1997 Mar 2 | Territorial Seas Revisited | No, Man IS an island | |
| 2003 Jun 21 | Test Our Mutual Felicity with Unguents | His brain slightly mangled from mid-term exams | |
| 2002 Jun 11 | Testimonial for Pier Café Raiders | Long, long ago, in old Tashkent | |
| 2006 Jun 11 | Testimonial Of Unrest | A song for hake, an anthem, ho! | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Texted Evolution | Wtih frsit and lsat ltteer in palce, it's siad any wrod can be raed | |
| 2007 Mar 17 | That Final Catheter | Why not howl at Saturn? | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | That Later | Long and short: Venus emits gas at sunrise | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | That Memory of No-One | My eyes have grown too tired for seeing | |
| 2004 Jan 2 | That Otherwise Fruitful Humanity | Where has haiku gone? | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | That Superficial Sniper | He snaps his fingers with such authority | |
| 2000 Jun 6 | That's That Over With | In the beginning was the Herd: | |
| 2002 May 16 | That's the Ticket! | A Hindu Deity is often blessed | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Thaw | (haiku) Little lips and toes | |
| 1998 May 2 | The "Don't Bother Me" Paradox | She came at dawn and slit my throat | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | The Abandoned Soup Molestors | The soup is rather thick today | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | The Ageless Golden Fleece | My buddy, Moe, is getting old | |
| *** | 1997 Dec 9 | The Alchemist's Crusade | If all the world were turpentine |
| 2003 Nov 23 | The Allure Is Fortunately Passing | When I was only seventeen, I fell in love with a Gypsy queen | |
| 2005 Feb 22 | The Alphabet Artfully Reconstructed From Bedsprings | Awake! Before the porridge starts to burn! | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | The Alphabet Tastes Best Cold | Angry aged alsations | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | The Anagrams Of Our Jumbled Selves | Compose a line: especial moon | |
| 2003 Nov 22 | The Ancient Dreams Of Ken | Against a sky of brooding green | |
| 2003 Oct 14 | The Apologetic Polka | Escape these shores I must, and head for foreign soil | |
| 2002 May 20 | The Apostle Paul Ate Our Show Dogs | I gorge a slow caramel, | |
| 2004 Nov 17 | The Approach Of Suicidal Robots | The telecon went on and on | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | The Authors of <I>Unsettled Remains</I> | On Spoonbill we all write in verse | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | The Backwards Time | Myself when young did eagerly frequent | |
| *** | 1999 Mar 20 | The Ballad of Archibald Sideways | The Ballad of Archibald Sideways |
| 2000 Dec 18 | The Ballad of the Blocked Toilets | She wandered through the garden fence | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | The Best Guests | With operatic splendour did the door-bell sweetly chime | |
| 1997 Dec 21 | The Bethlehem Magnetometer | When skies are grey, the darkest thought | |
| 2004 Feb 10 | The Better To Infiltrate Someone's Affections | I never saw you in a dream | |
| 2004 Feb 29 | The Birdbath Embargo | Here in Munich's age-old centre | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | The Bitter End (Alas I Died Homeless) | Alas! Oy vey! My tires are flat | |
| 2006 Sep 8 | The Blanched Almonds of Hoboken | The pool beneath the breakfast hall | |
| 2002 Jan 3 | The Blood Line of Blandishment Castle | The Welder was welding as never before | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | The Bob Job Murders | I once had an uncle named Bob | |
| 2004 Jun 27 | The Braunschmidt Transponder | Palimpsest of things divine | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | The Burlington Commuter Blues | The wrong kind of sun, the wrong kind of snow | |
| 2000 Apr 4 | The Cakes, The Knife | Arabella Spommit was a temptress, all allure; | |
| 2000 Apr 17 | The Callously-Burnt Marathon | Like this sample of elation | |
| 2006 Jun 29 | The Caretaker Who Cried Wolf | When once I bumped a smallish man | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | The Cauldron That Foils Such Weaklings As Us | I see your hoof prints on the stairs | |
| 2006 Sep 26 | The Cauliflower Nuisance | Demanding menace with a payment, | |
| 1997 Feb 8 | The Cherry Challenge | Woodworm! Spare that tray | |
| 2005 Jan 27 | The Christmas Milkmen | And here are the pictures | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | The Chrysostom Cathedral | Chrysostom ... wasn't he the saint | |
| 2003 Sep 20 | The Circling Saucers Of Sirius | My little pal never leaves me | |
| 2002 Apr 18 | The Circumference Spoon | Jack of the desperate moments | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | The Circus Elephant Blues | My tutu's not starched and my toe shoes are scuffed | |
| 2004 Jan 21 | The Comma Which Causes | Let's desist, this time, from writing trash, | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | The Copy-Cat Stutter | The miscreant potato | |
| 2004 Jan 22 | The Cork Coffins | This message to the nearly dead | |
| 2000 Jan 10 | The Cracked Omnipotence | Trim | |
| 2003 Oct 26 | The Cronyism of Songbirds | Smells like you're frying bologna | |
| 2005 Jan 11 | The Crooner Under Cover | Way down upon the Swanee River | |
| 2004 Apr 15 | The Danish Word | The lonely Swedish man | |
| 2006 Mar 14 | The Death Wish List | When Doomsday comes, where will you be? | |
| 2004 Aug 31 | The Deepest, Darkest Regions Inside My Colon | Whenever I go for a smoke | |
| 2004 Jul 2 | The Denouement Of Vermicelli | The blank screen gazes remorselessly back | |
| 2004 Jan 21 | The Dimmer-Switch Disease | Jeeze, I can't find my knees | |
| 2000 Mar 11 | The Dismembered Thumbs | Before taking part in this scandalous hoax | |
| 2002 Mar 5 | The Dockland Proxy | The caramel wafer was tempting and thin: | |
| 2003 Apr 30 | The Doctrine of Giggling | I've long held a theory that Seuss ain't no doc | |
| 2003 Oct 9 | The Dreaded Chair Gang | The sly London chair gang is at it again | |
| 2001 Oct 7 | The Duplicitous Dumpling | 'Cusp' she spelt | |
| 1997 May 28 | The Eagle Fallen | Octopus, the raven-haired | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | The Effervescent Digest | If I ever went to Athens | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | The Elemental Blimey | A wistful moment | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Embroidered Gorgonzola | Teapots singing in the rain | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | The End of a Shrewd Heroine | There once was a cold winter knight | |
| 2001 Jan 12 | The Enslaved | I just can't help thinking of you | |
| 1999 Dec 26 | The Equilibrium Rankles | Let's not add another word | |
| 1999 Aug 20 | The Etiquette of Hogwash Country | Once upon a golden morn | |
| 2004 Jan 19 | The Everlasting Pets | My cat is too fat | |
| 2003 Sep 10 | The Exorcism of All Limericks | There was an old hag from New York | |
| 2007 Jan 22 | The Fifth Vatican Innuendo | Oh Wally! Won't you start your car, | |
| 2005 Oct 13 | The Final Acorn | From Sparta to Spain | |
| 2002 May 13 | The Firmament Throughout | The south of France is not a place | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | The First Cyborg Whore | Rosie was a robot made of steel | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | The Flawed, But Somehow Delightful Vacation | Let us retire to France | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | The Food Of Minotaurs | I hear that you like pepperoni | |
| 2004 Jun 29 | The Fourth Alibi From The Left | Oh blessed fragment of the foam | |
| 2004 Jul 6 | The Fragile Steel | So easy to upset her | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | The Frenchified Arrogant | When pigs grow wings and cows speak French | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | The Frequency for Repaginated Ladies | Persephone once said to me | |
| 2005 Feb 16 | The Frictionless Vol-au-vent | This is now | |
| 2003 Nov 23 | The Frozen Meow | "I must remove that oil stain" muttered the piebald rat | |
| 1996 Dec 24 | The Furnishing Witches, or Lucy's Festive Wager | Wit of pig and limb of bat | |
| 2004 Jan 17 | The Georgian Silhouettes | Do not single out the fat for taking too much space | |
| 2004 Jan 8 | The Giant Eyes Of Friendship | Don't take offence at what I say, | |
| 2003 Sep 26 | The Global Hegemony of You and Yours | Une nuit foncée et orageuse | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | The Gnomes Who Roll | Once upon a time, in a country faraway | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | The Gods Of My Great Grandfather | Begin again: restart anew | |
| 2002 Jan 28 | The Gorse Sandwich | Gloag by name, Gloag by nature; | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | The Gospel of Even Numbers | My only brush with India | |
| 2006 Feb 11 | The Great Critics | E wrote slowly, R wrote fast | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | The Great Fuss | I was fishing one day on the pier | |
| 2004 Feb 18 | The Great Roar | The lion's the king of the beasts | |
| 2003 Dec 7 | The Great White Blancmange Of God | Clutched against her breast | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | The Halibut Swears To Attack | Majestic as a pikestaff was old Jim, | |
| 2005 Jan 18 | The Hegemony Which Everybody Scorns | One before the turning | |
| 1999 Feb 8 | The Helicopter's Plenitude | Triceratops, my maiden aunt | |
| 1999 Nov 23 | The Herrings' Adieu (Striding Akimbo) | Mortar, crust of lies | |
| 2003 Oct 12 | The High What | I want to do to you, what the spring does to the trees | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | The Hoity-Toity Envelopes | There was a young painter from Maine | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | The Holiest Glue | Religions I am Considering Joining | |
| 1997 Dec 17 | The Hopeless Love Clients | One Phoenix, hankering for love | |
| 2003 Jul 22 | The Hopscotches are Growling | The Creature wouldn't seem so bad if only he spoke clearly | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | The Horizons of Renewal | We have waited for a new beginning | |
| 2004 Dec 9 | The Hurricane That Tore Our Beloved Condominium From Its Very Foundation | Behind the bandstand, when we dared | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | The Ill-drained Threesome | In the evening came the cycles | |
| 1997 May 12 | The Implacable Syphon | The shadow cabinet-maker | |
| 2003 Aug 27 | The Innocent Murder of Fire | I see the walking dead, the fire in their eyes | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | The Intent Of Noses | Attend the tale of Jack the Lad | |
| 2005 Nov 23 | The Interplanetary Concavity Is How Deep | Good Men, our good ship's run aground | |
| 2004 Oct 14 | The Jurisprudence Of Aquatic Creatures | the egret watched the passing ship | |
| 2004 Jun 25 | The Kiss Cabin | This mouth of salt | |
| *** | 1999 Oct 16 | The Knight who Rode a Goat to Barcelona | Before the porcupine descends |
| 1998 Nov 26 | The Labyrinthine City | Canterbury? No, it does | |
| 2002 Aug 5 | The Lament of my Square Informal Tusks | The sergeant sighed as his steely gaze | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | The Least Suspicious Concertina | A drooping, stealthful melody | |
| 1999 Apr 5 | The Leather Ambulance Crumbles | By dint of subtle mime | |
| 2006 May 31 | The Legend Of The Sphere | I'll tell you the tale of a boy from the East | |
| 2006 Aug 15 | The Lesson Of Days Before Tuesday | There's a red house over yonder | |
| *** | 1999 Feb 9 | The Lewd Mouths Squeal | Carnivores, despite the laws |
| 1996 Dec 27 | The Lilliputan Comb | '"Inertia"? What a charming name!' | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | The Long Thin | Dispense with long narration | |
| 2006 Jun 20 | The Lost Banter | Thou, pollen, art my nemesis | |
| 2005 Nov 16 | The Lost Macduff Reforms In Ely | His cranium, by some accounts | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | The Lycanthropes Are Eternally Grateful For Your Cooperation In These Matters Of | Preposterous! She cried | |
| 2003 Nov 6 | The Makeup Trowel | Never have I seen a more delightful face than yours | |
| 2000 Jan 7 | The Margarine Heart-Throb | This divan whereupon I lie | |
| 2002 Apr 11 | The Maritime Suction | On this desolate beach, a lost trinket | |
| *** | 2002 Jul 24 | The Mark of Uncertainty (Improbable Thumbprint) | If you can hold a tune, when all around |
| 2003 Sep 24 | The Meagre Friend of Jugs | Newbie, newbisti, newbit | |
| 2004 Dec 10 | The Mean Spirit Inside My Frog | Toasting bread is rarely easy | |
| 2003 Aug 23 | The Meatloaf Serenade | With faltering steps Alonso reached the summit | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | The Metallic Allegory | Golden apples in a silver bowl | |
| *** | 2000 Feb 13 | The Minotaur's Preserved Tears | Frugal the frog |
| 2003 Jun 23 | The Mistake | I heard him curse, I heard him groan | |
| 1998 Feb 9 | The Moon Promises My Friend an Apricot | Bind me to a broken bench | |
| 2003 Sep 16 | The Moon So Subtly Flying | Once I flew to the moon, my wings dripped gold and blue | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | The Moon That Howled, "Donald!" | The moon shone bright on that surly night | |
| 2004 Sep 18 | The Morsel Of Reason | Rare confection - of delight! | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | The Most Rewarding Kind Of Exercise | Put it off until tomorrow | |
| 2003 Dec 19 | The Mundane Factory Blues | Number ninety-seven was a worker at the plant | |
| 1997 Mar 15 | The Mushroom Antipope | His terror of fruit was a virtue | |
| 1998 Jun 7 | The mystified Walrus construction | Unpredictable grammar, | |
| 2007 Feb 26 | The Nephews of Leonard | I'd heard of Silas Marner | |
| 2004 Nov 16 | The Newest Helmet | You can't complain | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | The Night Match (Unseen Sisters) | Simple sisters in the sunlight | |
| 2004 Feb 8 | The Oast-House Symposium | It moves an inch a minute | |
| 2002 Jan 15 | The Oboe Omelettes | In the mountains outside Swindon | |
| 2002 Aug 21 | The Obverse Equivalent | The dark cathedral shivers | |
| 2003 Jun 19 | The Ocelot Tirade | Respectable he's surely not | |
| 1997 Oct 28 | The One Incorruptible Servomechanism (The Princes' Mile) | Fancy Wills and Harry, | |
| 2003 Nov 23 | The Ontological Rabbit-hutch | Comparisons are odious, it has been said, | |
| 2004 Aug 20 | The Operatic Life | I had a fish named Rusty | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | The Over | They say the power has just gone out | |
| 2001 Aug 9 | The Oyster Interval | In the palace of my mind, a lonely spirit walks. | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Page is a Cube | Like a russian doll, or perhaps an onion | |
| 1997 Sep 18 | The Pan Holds Mixed Croutons | The doctrine of a shining spoon | |
| 2004 Jul 8 | The Parliamentary Parsley Supplier | Peel an onion? - for a jape? | |
| 2003 Jun 24 | The Pastry Cups | How noble is the nobleman | |
| 2003 Oct 17 | The Pennyweight Sauce | A pennyweight of muskets scattered on the dock | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | The Perpetual Unloved Turtles | The Hamptons are green this time of year. | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Popemobile In Escrow | I have it in mind to purchase a pie | |
| 2003 Sep 12 | The Premise for My Jellybean Guidelines | Sleep eludes me now | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | The Pretentious Structures For Tasting My Oeuvre | At Halifax, the Muses gather round | |
| 2003 Sep 29 | The Progenitors Served Them | When our pets outlive their use | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | The Proper Toes | A man with a prong on his nose | |
| 2006 Mar 9 | The Protective Turnip, Terrified Of Nightmares, Is Already Failing Under My Tutelage | I had a date with a girl named Fred | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | The Providence Networks | Thistly waysides line the primrose path of dalliance | |
| 2000 May 22 | The Puissance In American Adverbs | The cake of opportunity must be eaten whilst it's fresh | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | The Queen Of All Chagrin | One bright September morning, the sky a crystal blue | |
| *** | 1997 Feb 13 | The Question | In front of a crowd of reliable hens |
| 2003 Aug 5 | The Quirky Quiver (Haiku) | Snow falls, cold winds blow | |
| 2005 Sep 8 | The Railway Couplet Detected | From the bottom of my foot | |
| 2002 Jan 9 | The Reborn Tuna Despair for Mayonnaise | 'Twas on a moonsoaked midnight | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | The Revolution | The desert sands are sleeping tonight | |
| 2004 Jul 7 | The Right Lunar Terrace Concept | These pronouncements, from the moon, were made in dead of night: | |
| 2004 Jan 24 | The Rite For Pipkin Breezes | If I could dance like Fred Austere | |
| 2005 Jul 5 | The Sanskrit Kirk Railings | Just a taste of sunshine | |
| 2005 Aug 12 | The Shark-infested Handbag | Betrayed by movements in the dark | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | The Shown Tear Of A Cloudbuster | I'd rest, if I could, but a holiday's on | |
| 2003 Jul 21 | The Snoring Sombreros | I've never known a munchkin like you, Nadine. | |
| 2004 Sep 8 | The Snowman Assassinated By Fibreglass Mittens | A limerick written by me | |
| 2005 Aug 8 | The Stranger Butler | The end is the beginning, subtly changed | |
| 2000 Dec 5 | The Strangler Ripped Asunder, Asunder | Perhaps a Lithuanian | |
| 2002 Nov 12 | The Submarine Horizons | A biscuit and a cup of tea | |
| 2000 Feb 3 | The Sun Wolf | In the tallest tree | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | The Sun-Drenched Arctic | Not my muscle! | |
| 2000 Feb 2 | The Superlunary Hairdryer | My skeleton, in bony dreams | |
| 2006 Sep 6 | The Surplus Blondes In Swindon | This poem is dedicated to the memory of Marmaduke Apsley | |
| 1998 Feb 15 | The swarthy Wellington-boot | When nights draw in, and pubs resound with tales of Arthur's deeds | |
| 2004 Jul 2 | The Tale Of Squabbling Archangels | At first, it seemed an ordinary day | |
| 2005 Oct 23 | The Tartan Cow Trap | There was a young man from Nantucket | |
| 2004 Sep 1 | The Things That Are Caramelized By Moonlight | Imagine there were jungles on the moon | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | The Thong Is What Poses | Underneath a mountain, in a dark secluded cave | |
| *** | 1998 Jan 4 | The Throat Effect | Gorgonzola partridge |
| 2006 Jun 9 | The Thursday Matinee | No lack of contentious divisions | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | The Tidal Sound of Deflated Souls | The river was breaking its bank | |
| 2000 Jun 7 | The Tomato Points West | I like carrots in the spring-time | |
| 2000 Mar 18 | The Tribunal of Paradoxes | Your words will be remembered through the years | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | The Trouser Leg of Hell | I have measured out my life with tablespoons | |
| 2001 Feb 2 | The Truth Beyond Ginger | Whipping in ocean tides and winds of the Sicak peninsula | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | The Ultimate Sob Story | The squash, I fear, is overcooked | |
| 1997 Jan 24 | The Uneasiness Of Motives | They also serve who wait there to return | |
| 2004 Jul 2 | The Universe Eyed From The Back Row | Leonardo da Vinci | |
| 2004 Jan 7 | The Unkempt | Her face was blanched, her eyes aglow; the sky was gauzy, rent | |
| 1999 May 7 | The Unseen Chill | The 'Spoonbill Chill' hung over the land | |
| 2003 Nov 3 | The Unwanted Haiku | I hate raking leaves | |
| 2004 May 18 | The Very Ouch | Put me through the paper shredder | |
| 2002 Oct 4 | The Victorian Philistines | The entire world is as a foreign place | |
| 2003 Nov 18 | The Virginal Chorus Sings Alleluia | Her clavicle was something to behold | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | The Walks of Soul Sisters | I have seen this place before | |
| 2001 Oct 5 | The Warped Toboggan (Auden Medal Awarded Posthumouly) | In the burrows of the Nightmare | |
| 2006 May 15 | The Weather Of Mine Heart | Catch 22 | |
| 2000 Jan 14 | The Whatsit, Evermore | Time stands still; the bullet hangs in the air | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | The Wickedness of Luxor | There once was an arrogant Pharaoh | |
| 2000 Feb 19 | The Yellow Singing Turncoats | Inflamed by passion and a touch of flu | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | The Yellow Sofa | Tommy, where is my yellow scarf? | |
| 2004 Jul 14 | The Zimmer-frame Society | Emblematic? Regal? Or a waste of space, | |
| 2003 Oct 25 | Theatre of Heads | The film was droll, though there were dull stretches | |
| 2006 Jan 12 | Their Original Desk-top Microphones | In my ending is my start | |
| *** | 1998 Aug 7 | Theory Comes Later | One: a sponge, of medium girth |
| *** | 2003 Jun 21 | Theory of Everything on Tap | Lucinda' big sister chowed down on plutonium |
| 1997 Dec 19 | Therapeutic Heresies | In the field, no break of day | |
| 1999 Mar 12 | Therapists Kill | Henrietta ate a cake | |
| 2001 Aug 16 | There goes another racing certainty | This door is alarmed | |
| 2004 Sep 2 | There Once Lived Some Rather Odd Babies | In a poisoned gondola | |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Therefore I Can Be Repeatedly Woggled | I seldom spurl the gaffled zern | |
| 2005 Sep 18 | These Are My Diverse | The stickleback: how, in its prime | |
| 2002 Jul 18 | These are Vagaries | Oh, why solicit further scorn | |
| 1999 Jan 22 | These Fiscal Cousins | Quarters | |
| 1998 Dec 7 | These honeycombed faces | Marmaduke was searching for the never-ending flute | |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Thesis For A Standard Text | Said the shaman to the showman | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | They Abruptly | Jonathan and Mary | |
| 2004 Aug 26 | They Astray | On coming home at last | |
| 2003 Sep 6 | They Came Third | Dyspeptic Malthusians are roaming about | |
| 2006 Jan 14 | They May Well Abandon Ship | Kansas Sam, Beefy, Will H, Karin, Grayman et al. | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | They Multiply | You've learned to tie your shoelaces | |
| 2007 Mar 19 | They Taught Pointless Rules | Onto Oban, with a snail, | |
| 2000 Nov 25 | They Vanish Soon Enough | Pigmies and penguins like to dance | |
| 2003 Oct 16 | They Who Remove Buttons From Unsuspecting Harlots | Len reported Clara to the fashion commissar | |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Things Are Annoying Everywhere | Just take a breath - we'll sort this out | |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Things Like Cigars | "It's coming...like Christmas" they said | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Things Of The Wild Unknown | The haughty hippotamus spake unto the King: | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Things Seven Of Pairs Socks Cannot Provide | UNDERPANTS AND BLUCHERS | |
| 1999 Dec 14 | Thinking Allowed | I think that I shall never see | |
| 2007 Jan 16 | This Famous Story of Spelling | Where do they go when they're ended | |
| 1996 Jun 1 | This Gastronomical Headboard | I have it in mind to purchase a pie | |
| 2003 Jun 18 | This Goaded Posture | You write sixteen lines, and what do you get? | |
| 2004 Dec 21 | This Is My Third Thumb | Please release me. Let me go | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | This Lame War Mixes Our Cement | If I understand you right, | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | This Lunch-Box of Fate | When toast-eating poets have eaten their fill | |
| 1999 Apr 7 | This Pinteresque Portion | Weasels ripped my heart out | |
| 2002 Oct 28 | This Way, Lord Byron | It's a long haul to Christmas, a long time to toil | |
| 2004 Jun 25 | Thistle Bow And Saw | This poem will be highbrow and clean as a whistle | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Thoreau Toejam | Do mugwumps ever feel the ache | |
| 2004 Feb 10 | Those Poor Breakdancing Triplets | The birth canal has many locks | |
| 2003 May 16 | Those Who Can't Defy | So many works, untitled and unsung | |
| 2004 Aug 16 | Those Whose Every Movement Counts | I chanced upon a postcard | |
| 2000 Nov 19 | Though Bereft of Blossom | Colours anniversary | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Though Tamborines are Comforting | I may have to saddle a horse | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Thought Of The Mayoral Fool | Furtively, a polar bear | |
| 1998 Feb 10 | Thoughts of Poseidon's Daughter | Edgily, along the pier | |
| 2004 Dec 1 | Thoughts Of The Tedious Old Graybeards | This bathing cap, whose time-eroded pleats | |
| 2007 Apr 13 | Three Blonde Mice | Off to other hemispheres | |
| 2000 May 10 | Three Dodgy Hamsters, Always Gardening! | Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine! | |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Three-thousand Tall Blonde Pastries | A box of lead, filled up with stones, | |
| 2004 Aug 18 | Through Hooded Dreams | Shoot off her skin | |
| 2003 Sep 16 | Through the Days of Smouldering | I can barely remember the time | |
| 1999 Jan 10 | Thumbscrews This Time | When your boots are filled with brandy | |
| 2002 Mar 15 | Thus Spake the Dingo Baker | A thimble, filled with tepid brine | |
| 2004 May 8 | Thwarted By Occam | Don't invade us till the dawn, | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Tick | Awake! for midnight at the witching hour | |
| 2006 Jun 23 | Tights For A Prophylactic Railroad | I shall not fail to summon you | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Till Eulenspiegel For Amateurs | There never has been a good time | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Tim the Godfearing Scientist | There once was a boffin called Tim | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Time and Chance Combine in a Shocking Display of Crudity | A masterpiece will now unfold | |
| 2003 Jul 8 | Time and Four Fantastic Spoons | The Raiders of Gor had slavegirls galore and kept them all in chains | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Time and the Walrus | The moon was shining on the grass | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Time Calendric | Does anyone look forward to September? | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Time is Our Sinecure | Within this life awakening | |
| 2001 Apr 18 | Time Itself | We'll try once more before the crash | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Time or Porcelain | I frequently sit on the dunny | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Times Square Dance | Piercing sunset with her hand | |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Tin-openers Practising What? | Meander into Shropshire, in the old MG, | |
| 2003 Jun 21 | Tinkle Tempest Soldier | The archive of memory refused to stir | |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Tiny Problems | Like hoarfrost on the juniper | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Tipi, Living | Sam lived in a jerrybuilt sheet-metal tipi. | |
| 2006 Feb 14 | Tithes Before Flamingos | If heebie has jeebies and hocus has pocus | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Titillate but Don't Touch | Versification is such titillation | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | TITLESGOHERE | Francine, are you here? | |
| 2000 Dec 25 | Titograd Cathedral, Fatuous In Defeat | Waltzing through the alley-way | |
| 2003 Oct 29 | Tmesis Hell | I like to spoon-bloody-bill, | |
| 2005 Nov 15 | To Any Passing Critic | In opting for a blacker grey | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | To Birds | The geese were flying high, the ducks | |
| 2003 Sep 18 | To Brother Domino | The money ran out, and I had to leave | |
| 1999 Nov 9 | To Bypass Cartesian Notation | Lot Seventeen: two lightweight combs | |
| 2006 Mar 29 | To Dissuade Potential Consumers | You claim that you've heard it before | |
| 2006 Mar 10 | To Haunt Each Dervish Daily | I like the cut of your jib and the fact that you always vote lib | |
| 2004 Mar 30 | To Heroic Bakery | Crumpets, muffins and baguettes | |
| 2000 Jun 13 | To Hypnotise Badgers Bereft Of Discretion | Across the hills a cry rang out: | |
| 2004 Mar 2 | To Strive For Dizzying Perfection | To get into the Hall of Fame | |
| 2005 Aug 31 | To Study All Known Colonies | Pleonasms get me down | |
| 2000 Apr 10 | To The Goatherds | When asked to choose an Antipope | |
| 2004 Aug 5 | To The Nth Decree | These brief lines | |
| 2004 Mar 16 | To Your Abiding Toadstools | A granite sheet does not get crumpled, | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Today We Are In The Mists | It started out as molecules, swimming in the primal soup | |
| 2004 May 25 | Today's Not Likely | Pardon my haste - I really must dash | |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Toes of Paraffin | Camille, thou most elegant doorstop | |
| 2006 Feb 1 | Tombola Parking | When at night I go to sleep | |
| 1997 Jan 12 | Tomorrow Hardly Trying | Above the burning snow | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Tonight delights us lovingly, but ... | The lamps are lit, the table set, the goose is in the oven | |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Too Soon To Reconnoitre | Frozen embryos | |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Too Worse | It was much softer yesterday | |
| 2001 Jun 29 | Tooth Drill In Sandwich Town | When rank delusion soils the mind | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Toothy | After searching high and low, I finally found | |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Topological Jam | I bought a jar of marmalade, paid quite a little sum | |
| 2006 Jun 24 | Torment Jemima For Bothering | My neighbours, then, the nomads | |
| 2005 Sep 14 | Tossed From Hand To Elbow | Her incursions, from the North, | |
| 2000 Jul 10 | Totally Dissimilar Sausages (With Mustard) | As I was walking all alone | |
| 2004 Dec 10 | Towards Our Preordained Tenements | As with so many medicinal jokes | |
| 2002 Oct 4 | Towards the Sloping Planet | To say that he was fat would be | |
| 1997 Apr 17 | Toxic Fishpudding Blues | Blue notes pour from the sax in the corner | |
| 2004 Jan 30 | Traditionally Devoted To Artificial Punctuations | Here in Freud's kettle | |
| 2006 Jan 11 | Trampling Your Toes On | Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord | |
| 1997 Apr 26 | Trans-Atlantic Plagiarism, And The Combustible Alibi | Two doggerels, whelped in one litter | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Transcribed by Strangers that Float | Keep all new songs as softly sweet as mine | |
| 2002 Aug 8 | Transplant for Triplets (Under Local Anaesthetic) | The funny thing is, remarked Smith | |
| 2005 Jan 24 | Trap For Attractive Babes | Could you possibly close your sweet mouth as you chew? | |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Travelers That Float | A flibbertigibbet you are, aha! | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Travelling with Someone | Anonymously the poems flow | |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Tree Urchin | Under the shedding nose-nut tree | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Trepidation Is Sometimes All | I find myself washed once more, upon a friendly shore | |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Tribute of the Rather Wet | I once knew a lady, Francine | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Tricky Fellow Am I | Multiple line submissions | |
| 2004 May 10 | Trios Yet | No I never joined in | |
| 1999 Jan 7 | Trip, 15th August 1812 | The sun had scarcely risen when we started down the lane | |
| 2005 Dec 7 | Troubles Because Of Bosoms | Puissant were her thighs that night | |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Trouser Leopard | Frowsy Frederick did foretell fate, | |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Trout Pox Toast Farming | Now is the moment! Grasp the nettle! | |
| 2001 Oct 4 | Truculent Virtue | Here I am and here I'm staying! | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | True Stories but Grossly Truncated | There once was a man who was purple (world's hardest limerick coming up...) | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Truly, I Have Subverted You | I can't help but note that your navel is inverted | |
| 2000 Jan 6 | Try Sucking Your Ear Under Water | When lightning strikes at midnight | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Trysting Without Thomasina | In my borrowed jacket | |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Tsarist Biscuits, Long Ago | Borneo in a biscuit-tin | |
| 2004 Jan 13 | Tsunamis Get The Surfers | Well! That relief was pretty short | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Tugged Up | All is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Tumble Driers of Yesteryear | Wise men have been fooled | |
| 2001 May 1 | Tumbling Kills. Water Falls. | Carrie was an acrobat who fell upon her head | |
| 2003 Dec 15 | Tumbling Over The Sweets | Your babka, I hear, is delicious. Your cheesecake is second to none. | |
| 2002 Jan 22 | Tundra Nightmares | Woolly mammoth, now unravelled | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Tuppence For The Battery | Marie looked, but saw herself no more, | |
| 2000 Jan 22 | Turbulence in the Belfry | Respiration - who's to blame? | |
| 2003 Jun 18 | Turned on by Ghostwriters | A flock of hungry magpies came | |
| 2002 May 27 | TV Chasm and Clitoral Yawning | Might I dream once more? Of russet dawns and clouds? | |
| 2001 Dec 10 | Twenty-Three Costermonger High-Road | Two-ring circus, one horse town | |
| 2003 Dec 11 | Twilight Of A Flaming Pie | Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun | |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Twister Tokens | Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead | |
| 2006 Jun 25 | Two Grebes Adrift | You shall not fail to summon me | |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Two Hands Forwards, Two Peas Backwards | Once upon a noontime cheery, as I daydreamed hale and hearty, | |
| 1998 Feb 10 | Type-cast Treachery | How undone as would be seen to show | |
| 2002 Jan 15 | Typist's Lament | Bloody machine! Why won't it behave? | |
| 2003 Sep 9 | U-Boat Blessings | Trilingualism, once a curse, | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Ugly Secrets | Nosy spoonbillers | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Ultimate Detergent | Must you hone your scimitar? | |
| 2003 Jul 29 | Unbidden Answer to Cellular Message | The telephone is ringing, dear | |
| 2004 Feb 15 | Unblinking Again | Atop my desk, her portrait stared | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Uncertain | (haiku) He spoke haltingly | |
| 2007 Jan 22 | Unchained Malady | Into emporia crammed with grime, | |
| 1999 Apr 13 | Uncivil Arcade | Gushing geysers greet the dwan with foam and spume and spray | |
| 1999 Apr 15 | Uncle Gomez's Dinosaur Eggs | Acres of acrid slime do not make a garden | |
| *** | 2000 Mar 31 | Uncle Helium Meets His Maker | He was born at a quarter to three |
| 1996 Sep 5 | Undeniably Awash | Zernebock howls. | |
| 2000 May 29 | Under the Adriatic | In the darkness of the night | |
| 1999 Nov 30 | Under the auspices of the Mesopotamian tube-station in Epping | In a distant land called Pernia there ruled a mighty Peach | |
| 2004 Aug 10 | Undercover Pastries Lost In Space | In every other window | |
| 2002 Oct 15 | Underneath Seattle | Bazooka? Not in my bit of jungle! | |
| 2000 Jun 25 | Underneath The Forest Wall | Calypso, on her vaulting-horse | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Underwater Clouds | Aborted in its prime | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Underwear | She doesn't like my underwear | |
| 2000 Nov 23 | Undo My Start | Painting the Register Office | |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Undressing Swine | I really must take a shower | |
| 1999 Jan 13 | Unending Mitigation | Remind me to unwind the clock | |
| 2003 Jun 19 | Uneven Recipe | A rushing tide, a rushing tide | |
| 1998 Oct 5 | Unfamiliar Hair-brushes Gurgle | Clothing for the absent mind | |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Unfastening Tycho's Forbidden Bra | One has to keep one's end up, after all: | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Ungentle Urgings | The rarely recognised conversation | |
| 2001 Jan 24 | Unhappy Stampede | Now, here's a story | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Unhealthy Backlash Cliches | I fear my favorite pollywog has indigestion | |
| 2007 Jan 29 | Uniformly Bunyan | Futility is much admired, by those outside this burgh, | |
| 2000 May 3 | Universal Generalisations Are Tiresome | The chief delight of Roland Rat | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Universally Horsewhipped | Venus and Serena | |
| 2001 Nov 16 | Unknown in Civilised Combat | Forests crash about my ears | |
| 2003 Jan 9 | Unknown Railway Station Blues | Pimrod was a snappy lad, | |
| 2007 Mar 26 | Unless Cruel Servitude Beckons | This lizard, crabbed and taut, | |
| 2000 May 16 | Unless They Get Mistresses | Sweet nymph, though thou art ever im my dreams | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Unless You're The Household Pet | Abrasively, your parrot squawks | |
| 2002 Jul 24 | Unlikely Bovine Dreams | I sent a message - to an elk? | |
| 2005 Oct 16 | Unlikely Caretaker In Kansas | When Pinter won the Nobel Prize | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Unlikely Gumdrops from Savannah | There once was a moose from Ontario | |
| 2001 May 30 | Unlikely Spectacles Watch On The Firm | 'Pine kernels, artichokes, tuna, beef and cheese' | |
| 2004 Sep 15 | Unnecessary Puns As She Grasped Another Cupcake | Her eyes are like a cup of tea | |
| 2001 Dec 11 | Unnecessary Tits | In Narnia, the earthworms say, | |
| 1999 Jul 5 | Unpleasant Lacuna | To line our wombs with chemicals | |
| 1997 May 21 | Unrealistic Coconuts | Merry munchkins mangle macaroons on Mondays | |
| 2003 Apr 22 | Unsaid, Unsaid | The red poem remains unread | |
| 2000 Jun 23 | Unseen Behind Ourselves Again | Away on the heather'd down | |
| 2004 Apr 28 | Unsettled Directions | From the Baltic, travel North | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Unshorn | Ubiquity is the folly of unshorn llamas | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Unsightly Cheesology | I am filled with remorse, and the reasons are three: | |
| 2002 Feb 6 | Unspeakable Extracts of Louise | Regicide is just killing the King, | |
| 2004 Oct 26 | Unsubtle Songs And Cowboy Gemstones | When packing bags, it's always best to try | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | How speckled my rotisserie | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | Why must you tinkle in your pants? | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | Children put on your thinking caps | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | Remove your babuskha, mister | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | I wish it were true that piggies flew | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | What are these glass shards upon the floor? | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | How softly do the dryads hump | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Untitled | Brothels on the hill, tra la | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | These lovely fruit loops in my lap, these hairpins on my dog | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Free verse is my favorite form and so I say to you, "Garbanzo" | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Ten pennies, three shillings and a paper clip | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Francine can you fix the executioner line to fit the meter? | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | This is in free verse and I mean to state that always the cambembert is stale | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | (haiku) When once I stood upon | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Dyspeptic diehards turn me on | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | My luv is like a red red rose | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Corky has a brand new wife | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Untitled | Heebie jeebies, toil and trouble | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Untitled | (limerick) I knew an old gal from Quebec | |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Untitled | There is a secret hidden in the code... | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Untitled | Cry wolf | |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Untitled | The proof of the rock | |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Untitled, Entitled, Retitled | Untitled | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Untold Grinkles do the Zink | When grinkles with the morgles bink | |
| 1998 Feb 18 | Unwholesome Lodgings | The opera-house, from half-past one | |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Unworthy Of Scorn | This invention makes me sick! | |
| 1999 Apr 24 | Unwound wherries aloft | Calesthenic interprobes are launched into the Sun | |
| 2005 Jan 9 | Up In Canada Antlered Creatures Are Everywhere | Perhaps, your new line will go here. | |
| 1997 Mar 23 | Upon Losing Worlds Of Azure | A summer's day, there comes an errant knight | |
| 2002 Mar 6 | Uppity Evidence | No more peaches! No more cream! I'm off to sail the seas! | |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Upside-Down Cat Blues | Sometimes I feel I'm going insane | |
| 2004 May 17 | Upstream Candidate | He was singing in Dutch | |
| 2004 Apr 20 | Upstream Into Camberwell | So clumsy, so clumsy | |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Urging My Example Slowly | She placed the diamond on her toe, | |
| 2004 Jan 21 | Ut Nicotinum Ad Adorum Nescientum | The rattle of toys being hurled out of prams | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Vacancy Is All The Rage | This mournful empty space | |
| 2001 Jun 27 | Vacant possession of Chichester Cathedral (Song Cycles) | You bled the life from out of his home! | |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Vacation for Gingersnaps | I took a trip to Ioway | |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Vaccuum Devices Have Undiscovered Potential | I often think that nothing grows so red as a rose where some once Caesar bled. | |
| 2000 Mar 31 | Vacuity's Gin Rots One's Pudenda | 'Just the place for a Snark!', the Boatman cried | |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Vacuum Cleaners Constructed Entirely Out Of Anabaptist Dogma | A rabid armadillo with a beanbag on its head | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Vanishing Dustbins In Dagenham | Disappear into the mist! | |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Vegetables, Frankly | You have disrupted my routine, Mrs. Flugle | |
| 2002 Dec 12 | Venezuelans and Their Hated Sisters | Christmas gloom is coming soon | |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Verse Justice | Ack! My poetic license has been revoked! | |
| 1999 Jan 25 | Very East Nineveh | By dint of subtle mime | |
| 2001 Aug 17 | Very Figurative | Add your own line to the poem | |
| 2001 Oct 2 | Very Old Highlanders | Angels in the centrifuge | |
| 2005 Apr 21 | Vestments In Velvet Of Midnight | Only a quarter | |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Vice and Chips | The world, a fuzzball, a ball of yarn | |
| 2006 May 1 | Vienna In Pencil | Fleeting vision, yesternight, | |
| 2001 Oct 7 | Vindaloo (Abbreviated) | I sent my luv a cllphn txt | |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Visions Of Shouting Greengrocers | Last night I had the strangest dream | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Visiting the Mortals | In San Francisco, on the trams | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Visitors Not Derailed | If it seems too difficult | |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Vladimir's Looted Me Carrot | Silently clutching his kite, | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Vogon Blood Music | Oh fratulous wrontings, enfrog me | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Vogons In Love | Smudge me, I am yours | |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Voices Broken | the tiny white wheelbarrow, overturned, | |
| 2006 Jul 18 | Void Of Open Finery | Beringed, beribboned, clad in silks | |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Void White Truth | It is the blackest of blacks | |
| 1996 Jul 1 | Voluntary Pith | Barquentine of Arkansas, the dismal oaf here, | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Voluptuary Meter | Dusty streets and peeling paint | |
| 2005 Oct 31 | Vongole Al Limone Con Funghi | Clams are not my favoured dish | |
| 1999 May 14 | Vulva buoy | Give me a coin and pass by | |
| 2007 Feb 18 | Vulva Pinxit Hinc | Wounded and silently brooding | |
| 2003 Dec 11 | Wahhh! Sob Sniff! | Not every poem can please each aesthete | |
| 2000 May 15 | Wake! Capitulate! | I had a small Etruscan | |
| 1999 Jan 26 | Walk, don't sniffle and you won't get it | When I was walking this I saw: | |
| 2006 Mar 25 | Wallpaper For Beavers | I found your umbrella | |
| 2004 Feb 11 | Wandering Socks Found Wanton | When JB Priestley, in his bath | |
| 2003 Dec 10 | Wanton Destruction Is Assured | Got any new poems to wreck? | |
| 1999 May 26 | Warriors from Eternity | I wandered lonely as a nerd | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Was the...? | Every hepcat under heaven | |
| 2001 Aug 7 | Washed and Dried in Time | 'A ton of prunes, a pickled egg, two muskets and a globe?' | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Washing Fish In My Underwear | So when are ya gonna make up yer mind? | |
| 2004 May 17 | Wasted Needlework | Harrumph, I say | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Water Fingers | The Irish invented the limerick | |
| 2004 Dec 11 | Watery Flapjacks, Damn It! | Adam and Eve had reason to grieve | |
| 2000 Aug 13 | Wattle Orb Brie (Summer) | Whatever happened to summer? | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Waves, Water Under | If you were an ape, what kind would you be? | |
| 2003 Nov 5 | We Are More Free In Play | I'd like to haiku | |
| 1998 Aug 12 | We Build, The Planes Come | Unbroken, unending, the wine-darkened sea | |
| 2006 Feb 23 | We Can All Escape From This Hotel | Clutching and screaming they summoned you hither | |
| 2000 Jun 13 | We Falter, Our Falling Too Facile | Whose is the hand that eats my head? | |
| 2004 May 21 | We Flee Toward The Far Journey | It is time, I think we'd all agree, | |
| 2004 Jul 6 | We Never Boycott Oversights | Got a nice new jersey | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | We Penguins Have Closed Supper Clubs Forever | I'm an escapee from sanity | |
| 2004 May 18 | We Sold Our Restaurants In Cyprus | Upanishads and Vedic verse | |
| 2005 Apr 14 | We Wish You Joy Of Haggis | Before I close this inquest | |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Weary With Strangely Sprung Happiness | We tried our darnedests to succeed | |
| 2004 Jul 13 | Weather-vane Warning | Behind the grizzled pine | |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Weathered Wedding: The Empyrean Dust | It wasn't my intention to rebuild the world at large | |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Webfooted Drive Through Town | On the night I was headed for townI went out and waved a cab down | |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Weekend Sorrows Melt In Ale | Happy birthday, Kimberley, let's head off to the bar | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Weird Garden | Misanthropic canteloupes are plotting in the dark | |
| *** | 2005 Jan 11 | Welcome To Darci | Delightful news! An heiress to the line |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Welcome To The Never-ending School | Comrade railcar | |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Well-wisher's Bride | The grandpaternity suit | |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Wellington Shining Through | Telescoping microscopes and shoehorning hornpipes | |
| 2005 Jan 20 | Welsh Ditty | There is a tavern in the town | |
| 2004 Nov 25 | Wenceslas Is Square Enough For Most | A revolution, velvet-lined, | |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Wenches, Rogues, Wrestlers | Not spacious, like a blunderbus | |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Westwards In Search Of Undiscovered Pastries | Despite his utter shabbiness | |
| 1999 Jun 11 | Wetness, Damp Socks, and Prawns | Although our raft is still marooned | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Wetnurse Burdens | I was hired to breastfeed his pups | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Whackers Are Slackers | Hotchie-totchie, Liberace | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Whackerwocky | 'Twas zillig and the mangrove whips | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Whacky | Lapwings on my shoulders, nickels in my purse | |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Whales are Silent Warriors | Little children, gather 'round and I will tell a tale | |
| 2005 Nov 22 | What A Nefarious Newcomer Might Not Instantly Perceive As Worthwhile Is Often Valueless | Drinking round the clock | |
| 2003 Jan 22 | What Are Flemish Trousers? | Astride the edge of any knife | |
| 2003 Aug 5 | What Boils Soot? | Whatever shall we do with your Aunt Sadie? | |
| 2003 Nov 26 | What Concerned Us As Free Thinkers | Tell me the secret | |
| 1998 Feb 24 | WHat Further Unsightly Turbulence Awaits Below? | Carmelites! Before we know | |
| 1997 Sep 15 | What if the Princess Can Seem Sentient Without Dissembling? | Cardboard | |
| 2003 Sep 30 | What Is Best For Each | Nine yards matter, when in zoos or farms an unclear sign | |
| 1997 Jul 27 | What is Golden? | The curlew trolls to Nell of darkling hay | |
| 2003 Aug 22 | What is Rope? | When you look around and realise that naught is what it seems | |
| 2006 May 25 | What Loving Euthanasia | Clunk! Whrrrrrrr. Zzzzng. | |
| 2003 Nov 7 | What The Great Are | A corset for the cranium | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | What's The Point Of Intermittency? | Hello, Beefy, howya doin'? | |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Whatever I May Need in Make Believe | I may be gone a little while | |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Whatever Is When | Wlatsome words were whispered | |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Whatever Is Your Pleasure | Across the rolling Irish hills, he rode for Dublin-town | |
| 2007 Feb 8 | Whatsoever It Findeth North of Dunfermline | For the Law was given through Moses | |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Wheezing Matilda | When I was old, and on my tongue | |
| 2003 Aug 18 | When | Here stands a giant | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | When a Door is Drunk | A healthy meal of beans is the way to start | |
| 2003 Jul 28 | When Ambrosia of the Peppermint... | Moonbeams and fairy dust, stardust and ambosia | |
| 2005 Sep 9 | When Caesar Foamed | We danced, in nothing but a hat | |
| 2003 Apr 9 | When Did Gingersnaps Vanish From Human Knowledge? | I took a penguin on the tram | |
| 2003 Nov 19 | When Einstein Saw Madonna | Elusively, they flit away | |
| 2000 Sep 11 | When Everest Falls Sick | If ever there were time for writing poetry, 'tis now | |
| 2005 Dec 1 | When Everything Presupposes | I am the Centaur and the sword | |
| 2001 Dec 13 | When hamsters stammer | Enough of all this sniping, at the wizards great! | |
| 2003 Oct 25 | When I Glorify the Bike | I ride my bike around the house | |
| 2003 Dec 12 | When I Splash | Sometimes I like to run around in just my underoos | |
| 2000 Jun 9 | When It's When | An addictive personality | |
| 2007 Feb 28 | When Leaves Turn | Surely she was never real | |
| 2006 May 12 | When London Rose | Could it be summer's here? | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | When Mice Lust | Speaking of teeth and mice | |
| 2004 Oct 14 | When Nagging Seem Treasonous | "Love me or leave me," my girlfriend remarked | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | When Sheep Moo | When spoonbilling, always say "boo!" | |
| 2000 Nov 2 | When Shoes Falter | 'Bring me a fish with a pear in its mouth!' | |
| 1997 May 4 | When Spoons Collide | The outskirts of Odessa | |
| 2005 Jun 3 | When Talents Droop As Feathers | One day, I hope to play the concertina. | |
| 2004 Sep 9 | When The Final Scone Hovers Above Our Fish-pond | Predictably enough | |
| 2002 Dec 6 | When the Spanish Attack | Who dares cross the line? | |
| 2003 Nov 12 | When The Wings Are Spread Like Mustard | Is Haiku passe? | |
| 2003 Nov 17 | When Things Deceive | Chamonix, beside the name | |
| 2006 Jan 5 | When This Ends We Shall, Too | I sprawl, I sprawl | |
| 2000 May 1 | When We Got Bob Plastered... | Now I am old, and in men's eyes I see | |
| *** | 1999 Jan 18 | When We Reconsider All Our Footsteps | My grandmother told me on one grand occasion |
| 1999 Jan 20 | When We Were Proteins | In the warm air | |
| 2002 Mar 5 | When You Dangle Your Sister in Alabaster | I wandered lonely, as a clod | |
| 2004 Feb 24 | Whence Cometh Our Whelp With Its Peculiar Outlook? | It's not just the hole in the dyke | |
| 2001 May 30 | Whenever Angels Return to Hampshire | Coming back from London Zoo | |
| 2002 Apr 28 | Whenever Sacrifice Demands | Such anger; incoherent rage | |
| 2002 Sep 25 | Whenever Scant Plenitudes Provide | He so rotten, she so vain | |
| 2005 Jan 28 | Where Angels Spoonfeed Tiny Tots | This small sachet - take a sniff! - | |
| 2002 Dec 27 | Where are Nelson's Aubergines? | I put my trousers in the press | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Where Computations Love Cabbage Soup | An inauspicious bread-line debut | |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Where Eagles Dribble | Privet skirts the aerodrome | |
| 2006 Mar 15 | Where Is It Going To End? | My old conveyor belt | |
| 2005 Mar 10 | Wherever Tuesday Blues | Little Jack Horner sat in a corner | |
| 1998 Mar 8 | Whether Lewinsky Swore (Wittgenstein's Homily) | The unblessed stranger twisted forth, | |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Whether the Dweebs | One summer afternoon, the snow was all around | |
| 2002 Jul 24 | While All Those Has-Beens Dance | A brass ring through the eye-lid | |
| 2001 Aug 31 | While Columbus Never Bothered | It's now been raining hereabouts for more than half a year | |
| 1999 May 23 | While I'm Devoid of Syntax | Slowly, slowly crept the maddened fox | |
| 2005 Apr 25 | While Letting Agencies Do Their Damnedest | We pick on them because we know | |
| 2004 Aug 25 | While Parachutes Descend Upon Unsuspecting Parsons | To build a good business you must | |
| 1997 Jan 26 | Whipped Blood Pudding Regrets | I never met a sailor who could sing | |
| *** | 1998 Mar 20 | Whiskers of Anonymity | Keep your vigil - face the facts |
| 2005 Sep 8 | Whistles | Russell Hoban, king of rhyme, | |
| 2002 Jul 10 | Whistling Tortoises | A frond of bracken in the hair | |
| 2006 May 11 | White Hotels, Lakes Ablaze, And Blossoms All Falling | Made deaf by the sound of the sea | |
| *** | 1997 Sep 26 | Who Causes Jetsam? | Gulls feed the sky |
| 2004 Apr 14 | Who Dares Grins | Before expiring, Genghis said: | |
| 1999 Mar 28 | Who Desecrates the Vector? | Make a portrait of King George upon the very sod | |
| 2004 Feb 24 | Who Drank My Sorbet? | Blend one part soot and two parts salt | |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Who Hasn't Written Doggerel?! | Blank verse is but pretentious prose - discuss | |
| 2004 Jul 5 | Who Knows More Than Folk? | To yield without coercion | |
| 2005 Nov 10 | Who Named The Cornucopian | Here comes Cross-Eyed Sam | |
| 1998 Aug 1 | Who Once was Orson's Vampire | Judge this breakfast lightly | |
| 2006 Feb 10 | Who Prefers Bedsocks? | The little prophets of an idol-king | |
| 2007 Feb 14 | Who Shall Own Nerina Pallot | Nerina Pallot® sings divinely | |
| 2001 Oct 5 | Who to Blame? | Would you like to be a Womble? | |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Who Will Have The Lady Over? | The sun was not shining the day | |
| *** | 2001 Nov 21 | Who Will Seldom Live Unseen? | Invitation, contradiction, punctuation, wedded bliss |
| 2002 Jan 28 | Who Wobbles Behind the Arras? | Champagne was flowing down the stairs, perhaps. | |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Who Would Right Their Wrongs? | Our curls may give a false impression | |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Who's To Absolve the Jersey Stitch? | There was a young nun from Hoboken | |
| 1997 Aug 18 | Whoever timely looks | I've eaten all the Urals | |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Whom To Enchant? | Be glad that Wall Street's closed today | |
| 2000 Apr 3 | Whose Other Stomach? | Underneath my Mother Tongue | |
| 2000 Oct 3 | Whose Shift Avoids Whose Pellicule? | The grumpy armadillo sat in front of his computer | |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Why Are Doughtnuts Delicious? | From my window, I can see | |
| 2003 Aug 30 | Why Death Is | Twice I read your will | |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Why do the Spanish Never Use Toasters? | I've never met a man I didn't like. | |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Why Do The Unusual? Why Not! | Why must you paint your toenails ruby red? | |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Why Force Can Rescue Folly | Feeling queasy, turning green | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Why Forgive? | Forgive me if I salivate when Pavlov rings his bell | |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Why is Rain? | The rain fell only between the hours of 6 and 7 | |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Why Listen? | If wishes were horses | |
| 2002 Oct 4 | Why not experience leprosy first-hand? | There is deep water everywhere | |
| 2003 Dec 30 | Why Not? Your Knots Do! | "Compliments of the season" annoys me beyond reason | |
| 2005 Aug 23 | Why We Ought Not To Bellow Faintly Throughout Our Dinner | Betrayed by movements in the dark | |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Why Won't Secrets Reinvigorate our Parakeet? | Why won't you tell me | |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Why you never dared tell the Pope about Mother Hubbard | Why do you chide me when you could ride me? | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Wienerpome | Our story was unfinished! We had not reached the end | |
| 2003 Jul 27 | Wiggles in Spain | The bubble bath! The bubble bath! I float in pink champagne. | |
| 2003 Sep 28 | Wiggling On Steroids | When playing a game of poker with some dogs | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Will Oceans Devour the Unforeseen Goats? | The rains had not come that year | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Will Scarlett Ruffled Your Whiskers | Try not to get your knickers in a knot | |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Windy City Icicles | A man must walk down twenty roads | |
| 2006 Jan 2 | Winged Things That Reek Of Myrrh | In dreams of dimes and happenstance | |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Wings Of Men Who Wait | The early morning moon is pale as a chalk daub | |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Wink! | I think it's time for a limerick | |
| 2006 Feb 28 | Wise Virgins Stitched In Gorgonzola | Vanishing by windmills, | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Wish | I wish I were a platypus | |
| 2003 Jul 27 | Wish To Be | "It wasn't meant to be," the woman sobbed. | |
| 2003 Jan 10 | With Alewife Entwined | 'My suspenders came from France...', the naughty minx confessed, | |
| 2004 Jan 16 | With Our Dentures Firmly Detached For Whitsuntide | 'Mr Spaceman, can't I travel, | |
| 2003 Aug 23 | With Suzanne in Swaziland | I never thought of leaving home until I met Suzanne | |
| 2000 Jan 27 | Within No Feasible Hemisphere | Why, when death inheres within the very egg | |
| 2004 Jan 4 | Without Looking Twice | "Wherefore honkest thou," said I, "although in neighing guise?" | |
| 1998 Mar 31 | Witness My Self-important Bitumen | When syrup happens to congeal | |
| 2005 Aug 23 | Wittgenstein Therapy | Take parnsip from the heap | |
| 2001 Nov 8 | Wittgenstein's Spare Puma | Nascent longing, unrecognized, but pure: | |
| 1999 Apr 23 | Wizened Thoughts for Yesterdays' Leak | Tesseracts were falling as if falling were the rage | |
| 2003 Apr 1 | Woeful Enigma | My notion of 'A Life of Woe' | |
| 2004 Jan 27 | Womenfolk Taken Aback | When shifting the permanent way | |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Won't You, Suzanne? | I read the rules with some concern | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Wonders Nobody Knows | Double-u double-u double-u dot | |
| 2001 Feb 22 | Wood Knot Rictus | Revival of my former fame | |
| 2002 May 20 | Wood-daemon, Guide Me South! | The bittern is a curious bird, according to the sage | |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Woodfired | Pizzas spin lazily in the inky depths of space | |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Woof | I submit that we are not alone | |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Wooing under the Clouds | Ineluctably, you woo me. The clouds | |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Words Galore | Words to Live By | |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Words That Fail MOTs | Preserve us from another bout | |
| *** | 2004 Jun 1 | Wordsworth's Intention | On viewing Chloe's coccyx |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Work and Home | work, my work, i hate my work | |
| *** | 2000 Oct 3 | World One Hundred | If a man shall lack a shoe |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Worm Turning Circle | Nobody loses all the time | |
| 1999 Dec 24 | Worse Shame Than Coal-Shovelling Tendencies | Uncertain and yet, somehow, sure | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Worse Than Any Titans | The next time you think that | |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Wresting Joy From Daily Pickles | A pickle I wanted, and yet that darn lid | |
| 2003 Jan 4 | Xenophobic Popping | Bisexual biplanes bifurcating | |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Yammering Agenda | My political agenda: | |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Yeah, Wow, Gollly, Gee, Gasp, Yep, Indeedy, Shucks | Come on baby, let's | |
| 2004 Sep 6 | Yeats Upon A Toadstool | Parsimony of the heavens | |
| 1996 Dec 8 | Yellow Paris Hags | St Vitus, in his winter robe | |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Yellow Pasty Cavalcade | I've heard that folks that are from the U.K. | |
| 2006 May 15 | Yes, Cheese Is Edible | I'm glad to see your back | |
| 1997 Oct 7 | Yes, Longer | Now the tyrant knows the truth | |
| 2005 Oct 30 | Yes, Seamstresses, Invisible Stockings For Marriage Vows | So much nicer now | |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Yes, The Very Air Isn't Breatheable Over Our Side | I see your shadow on the wall | |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Yesterday Doesn't Go Like This | Yesterday, all my poetry rhymed beautiflay | |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Yesteryear Forgotten | Barmy rain lady, why stand in the rain? | |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Yet Never Opens | Perfectly embedded in a blue-tooth net | |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Yo-Ho-Ho, Piratical Barnacles | Avast me hearties! Haul away! | |
| 2006 Mar 7 | Yorick And Friends | The azimuth is past | |
| 2003 Aug 17 | You Are Choking Me With Gloves On | You are the very air I breathe, my sustenance | |
| 2003 Jul 26 | You can't Have Sushi | Have you ever dated Lucy? | |
| 2003 Aug 3 | You Cannot Steal Diamons | I cannot help but feel that if only I had | |
| *** | 1999 Dec 24 | You'll be a Laughing-stock Tomorrow | At this festive, glowing season |
| 1997 Aug 29 | Your Gerbils, My Hotelier | Before I sensed this vacuum | |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Your Own Secret Body | A mesomorph, a mesomorph | |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Your Prize | There is often told a legend of a treasure | |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Your Strict Horses Inhibit My Double Repetition | It was something to do with marmalade | |
| 2004 Nov 16 | Your Stupid Obsession With Unworldly People-Carriers | She whitewashed me into the corner | |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Your Undoing | By portents, like the sun's eclipse | |
| 2006 Sep 1 | Your Villain In This Style | A superhero needs a cape | |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Yurt Optometrist | Perpetuating structures: these | |
| 1998 Mar 16 | Z's Bequest (The Gamut) | 'A' was an Arctic Abacus | |
| 2004 May 11 | Zarathustra Lurking In The Out-tray | Colossal, in a home-made hat | |
| 1999 Jan 22 | Zen Catfood | Calm throat fortune | |
| 2003 Jan 30 | Zen Roots | Balanced calm across the bay | |
| 2004 Jul 13 | Zeppelin Without Page | Said Benk, the lusty bear, | |
| 2005 Jan 9 | Zeppo Lamenting | Emily and Sally, Kathy and Loureen, | |
| 1998 Mar 21 | Zimmerman's Sour Grapes | My lamp-post charm, my seventh life | |
| 1999 May 30 | Zinc Oxide Alarum | When Hydrogen confounded Zinc | |
| 2004 Nov 4 | Zoology Students On Holiday | My cat has six claws on her frontmost two paws | |